Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

Thank you so much for the nice things you said to me...💜..Not many people have said so many nice and beautiful things about me...I’m blushing☺️...

No I stopped doing drawing and planning..I’m not good at doing it..and I feel like saying me...who am I trying to kid....I know it will turn out yucky......

Im doing okay beautifulheart...An invite to biggest Morning tea..that’s beautiful Deebi...ours in town is the 26th this month...

How are you feeling my special and treasured bbff?..Your sounding a little better but are you?...

Did you have an out today..I think you go to your mil tomorrow..if it’s this week..I hope you have lots of good talking and laughs...if it’s next week I still wish you the same....

Love you dear friend..I wanted to talk more but my minds blank..like it’s empty....

I hope you sleep good tonight and dream nice dreams...

sending lots of my love and hugs 💜🤗...

puboak..yadimh.. awyis..lysvm...my beautiful soul sissyter...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🕊🌱🍫🍫🍫🍫.

[demonblaster]

Beautiful friend 💑 hi readers ☺

Darlin I know and sorry it makes you blush ya cute 🤗 but it is truth.

Honey for me and for you please don't listen to beasty. IT we know lies. I can't bare you being so down on yourself and if you think you'll fail beasty wins and you said you can do leaves I think well. Huns I know you're feeling low atm so just do what you can to stop yourself going lower precious but when you're better and you will be.. could you try your practise with me 🤝 with you in spirit, this is how we'll defeat beasty by challenging it and not giving in.

You dear darling youre not good atm I can hear it and know you've gad heavy pain for several mths lately. Oh darlin please hold on.

Thank you for calling in and being such an amazing friend, my turn now to look after you beautiful it's awful seeing you suffer and so flat. Hey you'll pull out of this darlin you're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I'm still tired hun thanks for caring so much and asking, only random rot thoughts now and scenarios I'm catching mid flow and self talk choofing so thats something.

Yes tomoz mil then same date again for cuppa, 3 friends going another can't not sure about another. I'll enjoy the other one too with special lovelies.

No I considered going out to maccas usually bbq but thought nah, not that I managed a sleep sarvo but did get nearly all packed and the Cauli and Leek soup was nice but next time I will put bacon in and used 2 leeks maybe another couple. I tasted it roar to tell you very similar to spring onion but a nice more earthy flavour. You use the White part. Soup texture wasn't supremely smooth like 🎃 but it's quite nice.

Darling lady I'm picking up now hun if you like you don't although I love your company have to come here we can talk at yours, I'm easy where but want to help you out of this. You dear darling love you so much. Not good seeing you so deflated 🤗💜😚

Meaning to tell you and I know you'll be pleased, I respected myself and finished a casual relationship a few wks ago. All good.

Hey no matter whats up against us we stand united 🤝 superglued we'll always rise above because beasties days are numbered.

PubAok Grandz, awyis yadimh bbff gg lysvm soul sissyter that's good.

💑💜💗🌱⚘🕊🤝🍫🗯👀👂😊

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Beautifulheart,

I am super pleased that you are picking up..that news has made my day so much brighter....🤗🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹..

Im popping in to wish you a safe trip to your lovely mil home...not sure how long your stay for but I hope you have lots of good time memories to make...

Please believe me when I say I absolutely love coming to visit you..no matter how I am feeling I need my daily dose/s of my sss...super sunshine sissyter 💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...I come here became I want to..if I’m too much please say so....

I am so proud of you for respecting yourself..You have come a long way...

I can’t wait for my 🎁...I tried to sneak peak but the box 📦 is too tightly wrappped up and locked😂..

Thank you sweety my blushes are not to bad now..☺️..

Of course I’ll practice with you..I have turned all my power off just now..Nothing to do inside except cleaning..yucky not today..I might sit out front or back and take my book and pencils with me...or get out my French knitting or diamond 3D painting..it’s not really painting..it’s putting these teeny weeny little plastic sparkling jewels onto a number and bingo you make a pretty picture...

We will get their Deebi...Holding hand and in spirit fight this beasty 🤜👿🤛🔫🔫 with all we can...

Love you so much beautifulheart...Super Sunshine soul Spirit Sisteryter...😂..Now Thats thats like a tongue twister if you try to say 3 times quickly..😂...

Have a great day and enjoy yourself and give my love to mil... 💐 🌹....

Love and hugs 💜💜🤗🤗🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🎁💐🕊🍫🌹🐉🔥🔫🤜🤛👀🤝👂

[demonblaster]

Hi sweetyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

So lovely seeing you no way you're never too much I too darlin need my daily dose if my S5 (clue) sssss spirit soul sassy sunshine sissyter 😆

You're so beautiful coming in to wish me a good trip. Here for a couple days at least. So good seeing my gorgeous mil love her so much and you too Grandy 💜

Oh so cute that squirrel she's thinking of a name she was very happy ya sweety and thanked you. Me too and she sends her love as well as I do Grandz 🤗

I made tuna she really liked it and talking about making good memories I put in the pot thinking it was butter and said it looks like icing and it was 😂

So glad you're taking your pencil gorgeous that's the 🔥 in you my beautiful friend... oh beautifulhearts lovely btw sweetyheart.

Hope you managed ok with the power cut lovely I knew it was coming but didnt want to get you anxious.

I can't wait to get started on your 🎁 too 😀

Oh Grandz mil just asked if you like the name Pebbles. Isn't it gorgeous for her little 🐿

We will 🤝 get there gorgeous we're a great team 👩‍❤️‍👩 hey I kept my finger on our besties and found the two girls yay.

Love you too so much beautifulheart you mean the world lovely.

PubAok darling friend yadimh awyis lysvm S5 bbff gg 😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💼🗯👀👂🐿🏊‍♀️🔥🕊🍫🎃

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi...

I just wanted to call in and wish two beautiful ladies a deep and restful sleep with lovely dreams....💭🕊🌱🌈✨⚡️💫

Awe Pebbles is such a cute name for squirrel....

I am sorry but I laughed at the icing on the tuna fish.😂😂😂 Now that’s a really good happy memory......Reminded me when I put salt in my hubby’s and his friends coffee instead of sugar.....😂😂😂..

Oh I love tuna and sardines..they are good for your brain...I often have..just the tin ones on cracker bread..

Im off to sleep now beautifulheart x 2..I’ll see you tomorrow...have fun and enjoy each other’s company...I know your safe and loved so much by mil...That’s sure to keep beasty away....

Good night hugs being sent to wherever you both are..💜🤗..sss sissyter...💜🍫🐿...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweetyheart and everyone ☺

What a sweety girl wishing us a lovely sleep, you're such a gem love you so much 🤗 Yes I've been sleeping heaps. Cooking a pumpkin soup a lovely niece and nephew helped niece cut all the Pumpkin up for me and nephew both grown up cut the onions. Darlings.

Pebbles is a cutey name ☺🐿

Yeah was funny the icing looks just the colour of butter lucky it was the first stage of the dish 😂 love the salt instead of sugar 😂 I made half coffee half tea cold for bil once was dead tired.

Yes fish for the brain is good.

You've been so tired Grandz please please go easy on the lawns. Look after your beautiful self always precious sissyter 💜

Thanks for the gorgeous message so lovely to see you always is gorgeous lady 😚

🤗 back at you from us.

PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg

C u l8r at yours precious friend 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱⚘🐿🛵💼🎁⚘🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I hope you enjoyed spending time with your mil 🙂 I know you care about her very much and share this beautiful bond. Can I ask if you’ve given her that homemade card yet? I bet she loved it, if you have...

I didn’t know that you had a niece and nephew. What a beautiful family. That pumpkin soup sounds delicious if you ever feel like sharing with anyone else...hint, hint 😉

Super soul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi there lovely Peppystar 🤗 Grandy and readers 👋

Yes always a lovely time with mil thanks for asking lovely I'm home tomoz early.

I haven't finished yet it's still 3/4's done and pencil so when I finish I have to felt pen it then copy it. I did though show her cause I want it fine and delicate with some feminine in it which I wasnt sure but she really likes it so stoked.

Yes all on my late loves side I have heaps of nieces and nephews they're all very lovely and loving. Beautiful family big, most have kids of their own now.

Hope lifes easier for you dear Peppily alias Peppy so cute ☺

Thanks always for your loving friendship and support huns. Much love huns 🤗

🌱⚘☘

Love you Grandy 🤗☺💜👩‍❤️‍👩

[Ggrand]

Hello a Beautiful Deebi...

Im just popping in to wish you a safe trip home sweetyheart...I remember you say early trip...I might still be 😴..when you leave....

Its nice having so many love ones around you...I could imagine it would feel so comforting....I hope you got lots of hugs dearest friend....your a very special Aunty and great Aunty to your nieces/nephews and their children....very heartwarming....enjoy their love and care....

Wow that’s great Deebi..3/4 done....There’s no hurry beautifulheart to finish it....When we do anything from the heart..it takes time.....because it’s done with love....💜🕊🌱..

Those pumpkins are hard to cut up..😂😂...Oh and onions..you should see me..I wear swimming goggles ➿➿ when I chop up onions...Ooooh they hurt my 👀😭...

How is your physical and mental health going my beautiful friend...Truth..please...I really need to know...no pressure...

I hope you both sleep well tonight and wake up refreshed and ready to start a brand new day, with positives that it will be a good day...🌞💫⭐️✨⚡️...Love you Deebi...ssss...pubaok...

Loving thoughts and big hugs..🤗💜💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..➿🌞🔑🌱👀😂🕊💜🚂🤝👀👂.

[demonblaster]

Hey there Grandy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovely people 👋

How beautiful waking and seeing my darling bbff's called by. So lovely seeing you 🤗 thank you 😀

It was really good seeing my lovelies. Mil just scared the whoop out of me she got up so quietly 😆 Saw 2 nieces some of their kids and a nephew. Several others but working etc.

Dunno about this super early bizzo. 😴 you go back to sleep sweety. Want you to get as much as you can lovely lady.

Thanks Grandz mh and physical ok darlin, gotta get this damned weight off though. The occasional random down thought but ok & not often. Had very few smokes not goung to buy anymore so be off them again soon. Hardly had any daily.

The Pumpkins we need a little hand chain saw and oh yeah the onions are shockers 😭 love your goggles 😅

Hope you're well lovely sissyter or as well as you can be darlin friend.

My dear mils now waiting up to see me off shes so cute and sil was awake making sure I got up in time. Sweeties like you.

I'll see you later beautiful love you too sweety love 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🐿⛑🥁🎃🦉🚂👀👂🦄can't fing your goggles

💜