Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Croix]

Dear Katy~

I'm sure by now you know the standard answers to someone when their depression is worse, so I'll not insult you by repeating them

Length of time between visits -and a far too limited number anyway on a MH plan are very common problems many face.

One thing you may not have considered (my apologies if you have) is the Mindspot Clinic, a government backed facility:

https://mindspot.org.au/

which assesses (and provides a report for your GP to see if you want) and then offers free self-paced courses (with homework) under the supervision of qualified therapists. You can even talk with or email them as you do a course. While they are limited into talking about the course nevertheless they can be very helpful. Can I suggest you have a read though their site and see if there is anything that might fill the gaps?

Croix

[Junior412]

Hi Katy,

I was felling pretty low tonight and was thumbing through the posts to see if there were any suggestions to lift my mood. I'm so very sorry to hear of your losses. I too often wake up in the morning and wonder what I really have to contribute to society and life in general. It's so very difficult to deal with sadness and loss, and a feeling of guilt like I do on a daily basis, but somehow I try and find a way to get through the day. Sometime it works, more often than not it doesn't. My counsellor is great, and after an hour's session with him I feel reasonably good. Then I have the cold hard reality that it's probably another few weeks of dealing with my depression and anxiety on my own so before too long I hit rock bottom.

I try to manage my dark moods (and believe me they get pretty dark), with daily walks along with some occasional voluntary work. It lifts me that I can contribute back into the community. The walks sometimes clear my mind.

Anyway, sorry for my ramble, but I thought I'd comment on this forum and say that you're not alone. It lifts me that there's so many understanding people here. Over the past few months following my mental illness being at its worst, I've discovered who are and aren't my friends. I've been accused of playing the sympathy card and looking for people to feel sorry for me, but while it's broken my heart to do so, I need to move on from those sorts of people.

Take care and hugs from me.

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

is there anything you can do in the meantime to get you through.

it's frustrating when you want some relief emediadtley and need to wait for appointments .

can you try a helpline or call to see if any appointments are available sooner.

hope some others have some better advise

Andrew

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

croix - thankyou so much, something for the in-between spaces is just what I need.

Junior412 - sorry you're also struggling 😞 But a message of support is never a ramble. I appreciate knowing that someone out there understands what I'm feeling, and I could really go a hug - so thanks so much.

Andrew - you've been such a great support to me, thankyou. Hope you're doing ok.

[Junior412]

Hi Katy,

Hope all is well with you. Thanks for your reply - yes we have our bad days, but if we can all help each other in some way in this forum well then its a bonus. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, everyones story is different but at the end of the day we all seek support and comfort, and even if its a simple "hi" or "hang in there," then it goes a long way to helping. I see my psychologist on an infrequent basis as he's close to retirement, but he's always said to me that his door is always open if I need him.

I'm unsure if you have friends you confide in, or a local support group that can help you cope with your maternal loss and relationship breakdown, but I can see you have some good people here who are keen to listen and help - I'm here if you wish to unload as well. No one should ever have to be alone in fighting their mental battles. Hearing others stories here has made me realise that I'm not in this alone, there's plenty of others suffering the same problems as you and me. If we can all help each other here through talking, it's beneficial for everyone.

Keep well, and more hugs here if you need a top up.

Simon

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Simon,

Thanks for more hugs - always welcome! No, I don't have anyone (literally) to seek support from, so these forums have been much needed during this time. I do have my gp and psychologist, but that's a different kind of support and requires appointments. Hopefully you get what I mean there. It's definitely nice to have people here with lived experience, to share and lend support.

I keep thinking when enough time has passed I'll be ok with what I've been through. I'm not too sure if that's the case, but I'm hopeful.

I did do a search to see if you had put a post up that I could support you on, but I couldn't find anything, so I'm sorry if you have and I've missed it. I'm happy to listen and be here for you too if there's anything you do want to share. Hope today is a good day for you. Katy

[Junior412]

Hi Katy,

Hope you’re having a good day. I struggled a bit last night and only fell asleep from 6am for a couple of hours, so battling a bit today - I’ll survive.

To answer your query, no I didn’t have my own post on these forums. I had a bad day the other day and decided to browse through forums looking for help. I never thought I’d end up being the one offering advice or help others, but as you said if we can help each other here it can only be a positive. Exchanging our battles can help us feel better by offering support. Professional support can only offer so much, and as I walk out of the appointment I feel very alone again.

You’re probably right in what you said, maybe time will heal what we go through, for you I’m guessing things are understandably raw on both fronts. I’m glad you replied to me when I initially wrote, it’s lifted my mood somewhat that other people go though the same daily battles, despite our situations being different.

Although I’m not an expert on helping people in this capacity, I hope I can continue to support and assist you as you try to heal.

More hugs,

Simon

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

I know what you mean when you say hopefully enough time will go past and you will be ok with what has happened. in part this is true. I used to live by time heals all and in most cases it does or it lessons the blow.

in my many years of dealing with deppresion I'm of the opinion we need to actively heal ourselves. I can see you are actively taking some steps to improve such as seeing a counselor.

fit in as much as you can handle and hopefully you will reap the benefits.

I'm coming out of my second major depressive episode and am constantly learning new coping skills. for me waiting to get better doesn't work ,I need to actively make it better.

hope I made sense .

all the best Andrew. oh and hugs I know you like them lol

[Guest_4643]

Hi Katy and everyone else here who commented. Nice to talk to you again.

I'm sorry that you and others here are feeling so down, lost and struggling. I know how you all feel. And I'm sorry that you didn't find Suicide Call Back Service helpful. With mental health, professionals and websites like that, it's different for everyone and I suppose it varies with who you talk to, the time and day and whatnot.

That's like me with eHeadspace - every time I go on there they've never treated me with respect, they've always been rude. It was even worse when I went to my local Headspace Centre for a group (I don't even know what that was for, I got nothing out of it) and to see a Psychologist (that was all free through a Mental Health Care Plan). The manager, Psychologist and group members all made fun of my mental illnesses, so that was traumatic for me and still is. I made a complaint and the manager lost her job, thank goodness.

I told my Psychiatrist this and all of the other stuff about how badly I've been treated by so called mental health "professionals", and he's disgusted in all of it, as am I, and my parents. My Psychiatrist seems to feel sorry for me. But I'm so thankful I found him, truly.

I also called the local triage yesterday as my Psychiatrist and I discussed this could be an option, and I politely asked them over the phone if I could come in and get some support somehow. The guy on the phone there didn't say his name but he was so rude, refused to speak to me and help me, I don't know why. I felt so discriminated against with how I've been treated and still do, the same applies for how I can't study, work, join groups to meet people, nothing.

So I'm struggling a lot. I've done everything I can, that's one reason I thought I'd sign up for these forums, because I chat on the web chat with Beyond Blue and Lifeline a bit, especially lately.

Once again I'm sorry that you're struggling, and I hope that things improve for you and you can get support here and from professionals and websites like Lifeline if you're interested in any of that.

Please take care and I hope that you're okay, I'll try and do my best to try and help in any way that I can, the same with everyone on these forums and everyone who commented.

Much love and hugs, take care x

PS - I posted another forum post, it should be in "Treatment and Professionals". It's nothing bad just some general questions, please check it out and reply if you can, although I'm not forcing you, sorry

Tayla xo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Simon - hope you've managed somewhat ok on very little sleep. I have insomnia most nights. I manage to fall asleep ok and then wake up and lie around for hours. It's awful hey? But I'm glad you're here on the forums. None of us are experts but there's certainly comfort in camaraderie.

I'm counting down the days until I can see my psych again. I thought I was going ok with the whole ex thing, and had accepted things as they are and then my brain decides to replay every conversation we ever had and examine everything he ever said. It's gross, hurtful and pointless, but I feel like I've got no control over it. It just rambles on and on... So I'm trying to decide whether to ask for an earlier appointment or just let time pass.

Anyway, hugs back at ya, thanks for being here 🙂 Katy