Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Andrew - yes I do like hugs lol, so thankyou 🙂

And I agree with what you've said. I think with time, the pain I still feel over my losses will lessen naturally. But I'll still have poor mental health, and that's where I need to do the work. I need to keep doing the things that help, even when I don't want to, and I haven't been doing that. I skipped yoga the other night to stay in bed and eat cheezels, which doesn't help anything. I haven't even been walking my dog. So I do need to push myself as you're doing or I'll end up in a real hole again. Thanks for the reminder!

Hugs to you (do you like hugs? lol). Katy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Tayla

Lovely to see you joining in on the forum boards. It's been nice to see you chatting and supporting others when you're having a hard time. Thanks for commenting on my thread too. It's really nice to be able to be here for each other.

Love and hugs right back, Katy

[Guest_4643]

Thanks Katy, nice to see you joining here too, although you've probably been here for a while unlike me.

It seems like a fun but friendly and supportive safe place so far here and I hope it stays that way in all of the threads. I'm glad it's moderated also.

No worries at all for commenting on your thread. You seem lovely and I thank you for being nice to me and replying to me, I appreciate it and it means a lot.

Thanks for your kind words. I've been trying to support myself and others the best I can and when I can. That's nice that you're doing the same also.

Yes it has been nice to be there for each other, I hope we can help each other more on any of these BB Forum Threads, whatever they may be.

If you have the time please comment on my thread I posted earlier if you haven't already, I'm so sorry to ask, I'm just curious about other people's answers, sorry that they're silly questions however.

Hugs and love back to you once again xx

Tayla xo

[Junior412]

Hi Katy,

Thanks for your hugs, although virtual are still much appreciated. A lot of blokes don't make mention that they like hugs, I'm not afraid to say that I do. Unfortunately few and far between these days. I must admit this forum really has helped lift my otherwise awful days, as we've mentioned before its uplifting to see us all support each other here with words of encouragement. All of a sudden to a certain extent I don't feel alone with everyones support. I'm glad to a limited extent that I along with others here can offer you some comfort.

I hope you do get to see your psych sooner - it obviously helps you. If you don't succeed, we're all here for you to unload if you're struggling. I'm sure others here will agree,

In regards to sleep, I am a shift worker and struggle at times to adjust to different times. I'm currently learning a new role and had to work night shift for the first time in 8 years. Like you when you're wide awake at night, my mind wanders in the dark of the room to the bad things of my past. Then I tend to scrutinise where I failed in life and wonder if I was really the cause of it all, and then the self blame game begins all over again. It's not pleasant. I've struggled with fatigue today, but buoyed by this forum thread and in particular your reply, as I no longer feel that I'm alone in my battle. Quite often as you've mentioned we feel we have no one, but I feel like I've made new friends who can brighten my dark days and I thank you all for that.

Yes we have good days as time goes on and as your rawness heals, but we all fully understand here that there can be setbacks. Our brains do store bad memories and at times they can come back to haunt us. If you feel you need to unload we are always here for you.

I'm unsure of where you are located in this big brown dry country, but I'm sure as well as psych help there may be specialists to help you with your maternal loss and help you cope, along with likeminded community support groups.

You're not alone in striving to be happy.

Have some more hugs.

Simon

PS Hi Andrew and Tayla, thanks for keeping Katy safe and being there for her.

PPS A lazy night with cheezels rocks! Just need a good movie to watch while you're stuffing your face 🙂

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Simon

Quick reply and hug from me. Hope today has been an ok one for you. Long day here (put on a happy face.. put on a happy face...) and I'm tired, have had a cry and need a cup of tea.

Take care. Katy

[Junior412]

Hi Katy.

By the sounds of things you didn't have a good day. Sometimes it's difficult to put on a smiley face when inside you're just not up to facing the day. Had a long day myself, learning this new position at work certainly is draining but rewarding at the same time, as I'm now in a supervisory role within the workplace helping out those less experienced. I'm tired as well, just arrived home and seen your message, so thought I'd drop a quick hi.

Have an appointment with my psych tomorrow, hope it goes ok. With him close to retirement it will be difficult to find someone to start anew with, who's helped me as much as he did. I know there will be more tears tomorrow as more layers are peeled back but deep down I know it's for the better.

Been thinking about what I can do to help you, it seems like I just waffle on when you're actually looking for someone to help you. I'll see what I can ask my psych tomorrow quickly to see what he suggests.

What have you planned for the weekend? With my exercise routine which helps me both physically and mentally, I need to buy a new pair of runners. I hate shopping but will see what's on offer. Might buy some cheezels as well for tomorrow night!

Take care and have another hug. Will be thinking of you and hope that you keep well.

Simon

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Simon

Apologies for my inadequate sooky post. Was really just drained. And yes, every day just seems hard at the moment and involves a fair bit of crying, but I guess that's just where I'm at. Please don't feel that you have to "do anything" to help me, company and care are really what I need at the moment. Just so I'm not alone here, because in real life I am very alone and that's a huge part of the problem.

I hope your psych appointment goes well. I agree they are challenging. I always feel a sense of relief once I'm done at an appointment. Maybe your psych will be able to recommend someone for you? A sort of handover so you don't have to start from the beginning would be helpful. I've been with mine a decade now and I can't imagine not having her there for me.

No plans here for the weekend, aside from watching more tennis. I skipped yoga again this morning, which is not good. I love it when I'm there but I find it hard to drag myself there which seems weird, knowing how much I like it. I dreamt I was running. Probably the codeine in my migraine pills. I'm not a runner at all. I've tried and I run out of breath and pass out. I'd love to run though as I've heard it's good for mental health.

Well happy shopping (agreed, yuk!), and congrats on the new job role! Stay in touch, it's nice to have company.

Hugs, Katy

[smallwolf]

Walking can be good as well.

As is spending time in nature. There is a botanical gardens near where I live. To walk on the grass, watch the wildlife!

Do you go for anyone in the tennis?

I watched some of the cricket last night, and the Federer match, and last episode of "The Witcher". I have to wait until next year for the next series 😞

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Tim 🙂

I usually walk my dog a lot. My friend's mum said that bare feet in nature helps ground us. Botanic gardens sounds lovely.

I'm a big Federer fan. The match last night was amazing! I do love a close game. I also like watching Nadal, Zverev and Djokovich, but I don't particularly enjoy the women's tennis. Be interesting to see who wins this year 🙂

Well I told myself I wasn't going to be useless today. If I said that to my therapist she would ask me to clarify what useless means in this context. So I want today to do something that is helpful for my mental health. So I've got myself pretty and been to the shop. (There's something about being dumped that makes you feel ugly - is it just a chick thing?). And I'm going to work out how to write an affirmation so that I can put that into practice too. So 1 thing ticked off, and the other should be achievable.

oooh and Rafa is about to start playing, so add in something just enjoyable to my day too. Do you cheer for anyone particular?

Hope you're well Tim, thanks for popping by 🙂

Katy

[Junior412]

Hi Katy,

Never any need to apologise. I never saw it as being "sooky." We all go through times feeling like you are right now, where you feel all hope is lost. Always keep in mind that I will be a source of company and support if you so wish. This is a two-way street, you have no idea how much communicating with you has cheered me up. Same here, I am very alone, but through these forums I feel there is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

My psych appointment went well, each time I leave I am armed with more knowledge, and feel that my self-doubting questions are answered. He has agreed to see me away from his practice, so will be able to see hime for a while longer, and even if he does retire will ensure I will receive the best possible help. I'm glad that your long-serving psych helps you as well.

In regards to my exercise, I don't run as such, I'm more of a Cliff Young than a Usain Bolt! There's nothing better than going for a walk with my favourite music on, or even just in peace and quiet. The shopping for shoes for exercise went well. I think I bought the right ones as they were fitted by a podiatrist.

I'd better leave it there, thanks for getting back to me. Never think just because you're having a bad day, you can't stay in touch. My door is always open.

Simon