I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

Joelle makes a good point, it is a good way to get feedback.

I used to hire admin temps for data entry and filing. Those roles require little experience, how the person interviewed was most important. The main attributes I was looking for was that they turned up on time for the interview, they were eager and willing to do the work, which can be monotonous to some, and that they were intelligent enough to understand a filing system or computer savvy enough to learn a basic data entry interface. The filing and archiving was always a lone job away from my team. Perhaps that type of role would be a good starting point until you gain some more confidence. A lot of the time we would end up with overseas backpackers or late teens who didn't have permanent work.

You can explain the gaps in your resume and lack of references as a result of a long term illness and explain that you are keen to get back into the workforce.

All just suggestions. If you are not ready now you can keep them in mind for later. Baby steps.

Kindest thoughts,

Carol

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Joelle and Carol 🙂

I guess I could look into temp work, maybe I just haven't looked in the right place, most I've seen want you to be an expert in everything and faultless, which just addded to my feeling of worthlessness/never being good enough. I'm mediocre at a lot, but not great at anything.

I guess the illness excuse is a good explanation, but I do worry that it will go against me

[Petra]

Hi Narelle

Good advice and support above. Is it possible you can talk with your volunteer supervisor openly about your illness, explain what you would like to achieve ie a good reference one day, and ask if he/she could assist you in ways to achieve this? I for one would be more than happy to help in such a way. As a Manager, I would prefer this than having to guess what's going on with an employee. We don't have ESP, and if we're not told, misunderstandings can occur.

I consider myself a Jack of all trades and master of none. Suits me just fine. Don't be hard on yourself. If we were all brain surgeons nothing else would get done in this world of ours! That's why we are all different, so a little bit of everything can get done, all the time!

Pet 😊 xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

Have you noticed that there are a lot of lovely people writing to you and wanting you to succeed? That's pretty good!I hope you can take this onboard because it says a lot. It says that you are a worthwhile person, you are a lovely person to know, people genuinely care and are concerned about you. Joelle, said that practice helps, she is right. The first time you do something it's uncomfortable but it does get easy every time you do it and your brain gets more used to a new pattern. Suggestions from the posts are great. If you can't quite face paid work, getting volunteer work you like will really help. Just having a daily routine will help.

Do you have and can you talk to your volunteer supervisor as Pet mentioned? Carol's idea of temp data entry sounds really good too. Sherie came up with some good suggestions for referees (see I told you people loved you).

Narelle sweetie I know we have talked about a trip to the doctor and psych, but you haven't been able to quite make the call. Do you think you could now? I am concerned that your meds are not right. If you change meds and they work better you won't know yourself.

It is so hard when you have such a low level of self confidence maybe that is something you can work on with your psych? If you know what sort of thing you are looking for from the visit it may help.

Hugs, xx

[Music_Freak]

I'm not feeling too bad today. I'm trying to get my head around calling the job agency tomorrow about the job. I could be getting my hopes up, I think, and that's the last thing I need to happen...

I think all the stomach issues made me feel the worst, it was like I wasn't absorbing the meds or something. I seem to be coming out of the fog. I will still see the doctor and psychologist though

I have to go to the chemist at some point this week for meds and I'm wondering about driving or catching a bus...what to do, what to do...I always park in the same spot, so have to get there early enough, it's dumb I know, but parking is an issue for me

Damn the zero confidence - it ruins everything!

[Wednesday]

Way to go! I'm delighted that you are coming out of the fog. I am super delighted you are going to see the doc and psych this week, woo hoo, gold star!

Yup low self confidence is a beast. So I hope you are making sure you give yourself credit for the things you do that are hard. Calling and making appointments deserves applause. One trick I use form time to time is to see how I would respond if I was talking to a friend. If I'd be pleased for a friend I deserve to be pleased for myself, and of course the meds help a lot. It does over time help balance your thinking and stop you being so tough on yourself.

I'm sure the tummy stuff made you feel worse. I know you said it was stress related, but it is quite disabling for you, can you run it past your doc again which your discussing your meds?

As for driving the car, if it is going to make you super anxious why not give yourself a break and take the bus. Much easier and no parking problems. You can get back to the car as things become easier for you. Maybe you;retrying to do too many things at the same time?

Good luck on calling the job agency, I'm cheering for you. Can you think of it as practice and not give yourself hard time?

Hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Great stuff Narelle and some wonderful advice from Wednesday.

Regarding the parking. I grew up in Tassie and still hate parking in Sydney. I use parking stations or I park away where the parking is easy and walk. You will never find me reverse parking anywhere and especially not on a roadside between cars. I could reverse park fine in Tas but the spots were twice as big as here! I haven't the confidence to practice either. I get too nervous.

When I was getting married we got the bridesmaid dresses made by a little shop in the Queen Victoria Building. All good except I hadn't thought through picking them up.

Well I had my Mum up from Tas, and one of my bridesmaids who doesn't drive with me. I had to get across 3 lanes of city traffic to turn into the car park with taxi drivers zooming in and out around me. I get into the car park only to find it is the tightest car park I have ever seen.

I had to go down round and round and round a ridiculous number of levels. I finally find a spot but I have no choice but to reverse in. The spot was so tight my passengers had to get out first...

I swear it took me 10 mins to park, which I did, but when I got out of the car I was soaked with perspiration and my heart was racing so much I thought I was going to collapse.

So my dear, you are not alone xx

[Music_Freak]

Oh Carol, I can relate to your story so much. Thank you for sharing, it did make me feel less alone 🙂

I'm just going to get through tomorrow's call to the agency, all I want to know is the closing date for applications and who to address my cover letter to...I can't think of anything else

Everything else is we'll see. I may just walk to a chemist, the script will cost me an extra $1, but it's exercise, which I'm not getting much of. I need to put air in the tyres and buy petrol if it's cheap enough, so that's a little familiar drive to do

The doctor and psychologist will happen, but maybe next week, I'm waiting to hear about voluntary work this week, first

[Lost_Girl]

Anytime Narelle,

If I have to go somewhere new I have even been known to go a few days before just to scout out parking!

Your plan sounds good. As your friend I would still suggest drs this week but respect it's your decision. I hope you change your mind though 🙂

Another question might be what type of industry is it if you don't already know. Interviewers like it when you know a little about the business or industry - just look up their website for some basic information on it.

Carol xx

[Petra]

Hi Girls

I'm hearing ya! I didn't get my drivers license until early 20's. Had my Learners from 16! Driving and where I'm going to park can be a BIG thing with me too. Have been known to lose a couple of kilos in fluid myself! I'd rather have to walk a few blocks than park close by if it's difficult! I envy hubby's confidence here.

xx