I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I haven't been here for a while, and boy am I struggling. The holiday was a mess and I had to come home early because I had a fall and now the friends I travelled with aren't talking to me. I'm an absolute mess because of it all. I can't believe I keep losing friends, over and over and over again...

I start my uni placement in the 28th and I don't know if I'm ready, but I have to do it. It could do me good to keep busy rather than sob at home though. I've met some people on websites and we're chatting, but part of my brain is just waiting for them to leave me too.

I adopted two cats after I lost Buddy, but I'm wondering if I did the right thing. I'll never abandon or mistreat them, just think that maybe I shouldn't have committed, but maybe it's just my current state.

I'm at a loss about what to do about anything...I've seen my psychologist and I'm waiting to see if I can keep my next appointment or whether placement will get in the way.