I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I picked an article where two teenage thugs pushed a trolley into a pregnant woman to assist their getaway from a woolies with packets of meat. Assault and shoplifting combined, unfortunately I'm not sure how to complete the article...I left a message for my friend that's doing it, but may have to contact the lecturer after the public holiday.

I'm feeling really down in the dumps currently...study isn't happening easily, exercise is non existent, my mum's anniversary is next month, online friends aren't talking to me much...none of it helps the feelings of self loathing.

[Music_Freak]

That should say: I'm not sure how to complete the assessment, not article.

Proofread, proofread, proofread deary...

[Guest_1055]

I would not know either how to complete the assessment. I wish I could help you there. Is it a set of questions Narelle or ?

[Guest_1055]

Welcome to Beyond Blue RicardoD. It appears you are pretty new here. And oh yes it has been super hot where I live too.

Anyway I big welcome to you

[Music_Freak]

I have to compare the statistics and talk about sociological theories and all sorts of confusing stuff...I'll look at it tomorrow and hopefully have something ready to submit by the 4th. Then I can carry on with the rest.

Sooo, the uni “friends” organised a day out meet up without even telling me about it. I don't know what to think, but what's in my head isn't good...

[Guest_1055]

Narelle how did the assessment go?

And do you have rejection issues do you think? The reason I ask that is because I do. Though not has bad now.

Hope you are okay, you and Buddy.

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, I probably do...rejection/abandonment...it seems to be there. I wait for people to leave because they normally do.

I got the assessment done, don't know my grade yet, haven't got it back, but I did get 73% on my first one.

I've wasted 2 days snuggling with Buddy, so I'd say he's good. Been too hot to do a lot, but I still should've.

[smallwolf]

MF,

Hello again.

Depending on your history your thoughts about how you go in each assessment is probably natural. While I don't think (the thought) that ever failed a subject on handing in, I would never be happy with the grade I received. That was because and for various reasons that I was not good enough, and the mark would then reinforce that view in my mind. So if there were things that happened in your past that would reinforce negative views, then these thought are natural. With that said, from what I have seen, the evidence is to the contrary. From last year, to now you are passing and 73% is very nearly a Distinction. And the most important part is that you are doing it yourself.

Also remember there are student services you can use for study, and counselling services for anxiety, stressing over assignments, depression etc. Use these services if you need to?

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim

[Music_Freak]

It's closer to 4am than it is to 3am as I type and all that's in my head is just how much I miss my mum...12 years and I still miss her like she died last week...it kind of annoys me that I still feel it so badly

I got another assessment back, got a distinction (78%), and I felt kind of empty. I was glad I got higher than a credit for a written assignment (first time, I think). Maybe it's just the fact that I had no one to tell but online friends, the one doing the subject with me seems to “submit utter crap” (her words) and easily get distinctions, so I'm getting to the point where I don't want to share my lesser results...certainly doesn't do much for the confidence 😞

[Music_Freak]

It's official, uni friends are gone.

Three months has to be some kind of record - even for me

Feeling utterly horrible and don't have anywhere to turn, but ny psychologist who gets paid to talk to me.

Maybe I need to start paying people to be my friends...