BPD - childlike

[spunkyturtle]

I turn 35 this week and am so frustrated lately, I feel like a 12 year old. I live with my parents, Mum bosses me around and tells me what to do like a 12 year old then Dad takes over and does things for me like I'm a child. If I don't do the dishes pronto by a certain time, he takes over amongst other things. They went away for 12 days in August and I looked after my disabled brother, it was nice to have responsibility and if I didn't do something it just sat there until I did.

the house is being sold and dad mentioned paying out my debt, I'm just waiting to see what happens so I can decide my next move.

Anyone else feel like a big child? Any advice?!?!

[spunkyturtle]

OMG the scuba dive certification is on my to do list! I just need to lose a few kg and I hope to do it next year, finally! I love anything water based. These meds I’m on have stuffed up my weight, funny how the Doctor says oh as long as you keep a balanced diet you shouldn’t put on any weight and then every single person on the Internet is screaming about weight gain from this drug haha

Yep, testify. That will be fun, NOT. I know right, so many things sound like a great idea to me until afterwards and people are like what the?? Getting drunk and stealing my ex’s wheely bin trash can, I thought it was funny. After enrolling in so many Units and failing them all, its amazing how it never dawned on me that maybe I should stop enrolling, in my mind this was the semester I was going to pass! I was going to study and get a Degree! Hmmm Even my Doctor told me my Behaviour was irrational when I walked out on DBT therapy and went home after half an hour.

Yep, I was in the Army Reserves for a while then the ARA (Full Time Army).

They got a new Exercise Physiologist who started last week, he is on loan for 6 weeks while they find a regular. I have enjoyed the group therapy, I don’t have all the attention on me as you do with a Psychologist 1 on 1, plus you make some friends. Encourage and support one another. Hopefully it gets back on track, and our regulars come back. I’m going to see the Psychologist tomorrow and have a chat, I may be starting CBT next week. Then it’s one day exercise one day CBT. I had an appointment with a Psychologist this morning and they cancelled, apparently she is unwell, I didn’t realize its so hard to see a Psychologist!!!! Dang.

Oh yea, in that case I’d rather be a spoilt cat in a house where they pamper me the way we pamper our cats. I just thought coming back as a stunning beauty life would be an easy ride hahaha

Well done on getting to work! Haha I haven’t worked in over 2 years. I’ve applied for a few jobs, half hoping, half scared whitless that I may actually get it haha I’m on a disability pension so money is no issue luckily.

[james1]

Hahaha sounds like your doctor was trying to placate you 😛 trick you into taking it 😛 though I'm sure the weight gain is far better than not taking the meds! And yes, scuba is amazing 🙂 have you tried it before? I know they do a lot of stuff on the great barrier reef.

hahahaha stealing a wheely bin sounds fun. especially if it's an ex's 😛 It sounds like you were pretty caught up in trying to study 😛 I wonder - was that because you saw yourself as a student and therefore had to study almost compulsively, or was it just not being aware of what you were doing? i think the former usually applies to me - I just start thinking, oh yeah I'm good at music, so I can do everything music related. So recently I've bought tickets to 7 different concerts, picked up clarinet again, started looking into singing lessons and i've got a dream to compose a piece of music. two weeks ago, I was doing none of these things and my dream was to publish a story!

Oh you don't like being the focus on 1 on 1 sessions? It makes me feel uncomfortable so I try to space them out a bit. So what kind of therapy have you done? Just DBT so far? Have you done Schema Therapy? Schema therapy apparently mixes in CBT with some other stuff. I found it quite interesting but difficult because it delves into your emotional past and upbringing. Still, the understanding is gives is very useful. It got too much for me so we changed to DBT to better manage distress, but the ltitle bits I did were good.

hahaha but then you'll have the spotlight and all the creepy guys' stares. and trust me, as a guy who went to an all boys school, it's pretty bad!

oh it's good that money's not too big an issue. what kind of work would you not mind doing? would you want to be talking to people? I never know how to answer that. I hate talking to people, but i also hate being alone! a real catch 22.

[spunkyturtle]

This drug does take the edge off and is safer than an addictive one I was abusing, just need to get my weight under control! I haven't scuba'd yet, I've snorkelled and that was awesome!! Oohhhh the Great Barrier Reef, now that will be an awesome trip! I'm like, I need a travel buddy but oh it's so much easier to go alone, oh but it's more fun to have someone to talk to,and share things with but it's so much easier not having to talk Hahahaha

My ex used to tell me I needed a degree and really pressure me, then when I got rid of him I was convinced I had to prove I was somebody and good enough to get a degree and kept persisting, bit like kayaking with no paddles, I was convinced I could get there but I wasn't moving! I failed 11 units with one University, I wasn't studying, the anxiety would just cripple me! Oh, which concerts you got tickets to? I nearly bought Justin Bieber tickets! I might still yet, there's always eBay. I'm waiting for next years AFL fixture to come out, then I can see which interstate trips I want to take next year!

I totally know what you mean about being interested then wanting to do a degree, all this AAT stuff has me thinking I should become a psychologist because I really want to help people ha ha I don't mind 1 on 1 with a Psychologist, it's just nice being in a group and learning from others experiences. I did a CBT course in February and then an ACT course. I started DBT but only lasted an hour. Schema was mentioned but Doc said we'd do DBT. I'm starting in a CBT group next week, I really like ACT and CBT, they compliment each other. will see what happens and what Doc says.

I will do my Diploma of Remedial Massage March til August, I have done lots of data entry in the past, I can see myself doing two jobs, one mainly numbers type and one like massage. I couldn't do massage full time, it's really draining. Time will tell, I always say I'll do something and something different happens ha ha

oh, all this talk of scuba diving, I just want to book a holiday ha ha I'm determined to go to Iceland, most likely in 2018! The thermal baths look awesome!!

[spunkyturtle]

Just discovered today my ex is single again ha ha I moved to Brisbane for him in early 2012, it didn't last long he was a total pig. He hooked up with a girl in October 2013, had a baby, bought a house in early 2014 and now he's single. I guess she got sick of doing everything and carrying his lazy butt!! Maybe he'll wake up and realise he is the one with the problem ha ha who am I kidding. I feel sorry for the kid though.

[james1]

Oooh is that the whitsundays? Looks lovely 🙂

Hahaha oh that internal dialogue is so familiar it's scary. I've gotten a lot better at just going with my first instinct and sticking to it though, so it doesn't tear me up so much. Though it also means I get super impulsive haha.

Sounds like it was a good thing you got rid of him if you don't mind me saying so!

I got lots of Sydney Symphony tickets, tickets to Lea Salonga (singing voice of Princess Jasmine and Mulan in Disney movies), I might be going to Coldplay next year, Harry Potter, and I went to Peter and the Wolf today. Oh are you a Swans fan or another team (traitor!)?

Would you consider doing a counselling course instead? Ah, cool DBT is good apparently. I haven't done enough of it to say properly. What's ACT?

Iceland? Scuba diving? Haha. So will you have anything next year? I'm going to Japan 🙂

[spunkyturtle]

OMG where's my invite James!?!? Japan has recently made the list! I want to go to a cat cafe and experience a hygienic toilet with lids that automatically shut! Both together would be awesome!! Ha ha

yes, that's Whitehaven beach! A little slice of heaven!

I am a Victorian so I'm an Adelaide Crows fan ha ha traitor indeed, Freo Dockers are my second team and Giants 3rd team. Ha ha I have no loyalty for AFL teams, so I'll cheer for three 😃 They don't call me on my birthday or bring me presents so I'll do as I please too. It's only a game at the end of the day.

ACT is Acceptance Commitment Therapy - it's based on the principal of sitting with the emotion. So if you're feeling anxious you just sit there and say yes, I'm feeling anxious and you sit with it. CBT is about challenging the emotion or thought, they compliment each other. Some things you just can't challenge and vice versa.

Ha ha now I'm wanting to go to Texas to see a friend next year. I'm planning the Iceland trip for 2018. Once this house sells and things happen I'll have a clearer idea of what's going on next year. The parents are going to cairns in July and I was thinking about gate crashing so I can bunjy jump, could even do the scuba course then, that'll only take a few days.

I was telling a friend I need a device that buzzes or something when I'm thinking irrationaly. I still can't seem to organise seeing a psychologist, she cancelled on me Thursday an hour and a half before the appointment.

[james1]

You should come up to Sydney 🙂 We have a cat cafe here (Catmosphere Space Cat Café Sydney). Hvae you heard of the doge meme? I can't wait to see all the doge dogs haha.

Crows! Ha. We beat you out of last season 😛 hehe. Swans are my first, then Giants. But I just love watching sports so I'll go watch any team haha. Sounds like you're similar?

Oh yeah it does sound like they complement each other well. But ACT sounds really hard. I guess I try to do that a bit but then I just end up dwelling on it and making myself more upset, haha. Like this morning. Got up and my brain decided it wanted to just fart on my day, so I've been brooding since 630. What. A. Pain. How long have you been seeing a psych for?

Yes! Definitely try to gate crash their holiday and do the scuba diving! It'll be super fun especially if you like snorkelling. Someone was telling me about a Honda wreck at Shelly Beach in Sydney which I want to go check out if I can just find a diving partner, haha.

Maybe you could make one? 😛 Do you have any tricks that help you catch yourself and to get out of that thought cycle? I'm really struggling on that front. Ah I think you need to find a better psychologist than that if she's going to cancel with such short notice. You should apply late cancellation fees on her, hahaha. Free session if she cancels 😛

[spunkyturtle]

Haha dog memes, I help run a cat page on Facebook called cats don't have owners; they have staff, we have over 114,000 fans. It's so much fun! Check us out! Never know what may be in store for next year, once I see this AFL fixture a trip to Sydney is possible for next year. Next year I want to watch a quarter of a Crows game from the roof! Haha it will have to be a showdown because only port does it. Will need good weather for that!!

Yep, I watch just about every game of football, I love watching a good game no matter which teams it is!

I started seeing a Psychologist July 2014 and Psychiatrist September 2014, started group therapy in May and stopped seeing my Psychologist in March this year. I'm beginning to hate Psychologists, I'm with DVA and you have to find a psychologist who is signed up, most aren't interested in taking a pay cut to help, greedy pigs! I swear society is all about money and power, got none and you're stuffed.

Yea, I need to sign up to meetup again, I made some good friends through that in Brisbane, we did some fun stuff. Would be a good way to find diving buddies! Buddies for any activity really. I started a group once then chickened out haha the thought of hosting freaked me out.

haha these ideas sound so good to me though! It was a first session with the psychologist and she cancelled ggggrrrrrr luckily I don't pay for these sessions!

Watching survivor. Been a boring and predictable series. I had a bad day today, was feeling so overwhelmed but didn't know why, ended up taking a tablet and had a nap for an hour. Aaahhhhh that's life ey

[james1]

Hahaha I'll have a look at the facebook page. My date loves cats and would probably love the page too. Has probably already seen it to be honest.

Oh yes, that sounds like fun 🙂 Good weather...ah we get unlucky with weather sometimes haha.

How do you find psychiatrists? I might be the opposite to you - I much prefer the psychologists to the psychiatrists haha. But I'm not with DVA so I just look around for someone who suits and then get screwed having to pay heaps 😛

Oh you were in Brisbane for a while? Yes, meetup is awesome just to meet people for hobbies. I'm part of a writing meetup group that meets every Tuesday. I have to skip today unfortunately but it's been good to just chat to similar people.

Oh survivor is coming to an end soon right? I've never watched it. Maybe you'd appreciate my story of the weekend.

So I got this text after my first date with this nice girl (it went well) that basically said I'd really like to meet you again. Have a great weekend. So me being me, my thought process was: "Cool. She's awesome. We'd make an awesome couple. I've got my place almost done so I can move out soon and she can join me and then - hang on. Why didn't she suggest an actual date or time for a second meet up? Why are there no smiley faces? Why is it so matter of fact? She's probably just being polite. What if her other dates went better and she just feels guilty for telling me she had a good time before? She probably hates me. I shouldn't reply. But if I don't reply that's rude. Crap." And that's just after a very simple direct text. I'm so screwed when it comes to anything else! haha.

James

[spunkyturtle]

Haha wow, talk about over thinking it. Not that I can talk I'm just as bad. I went on a couple dates last month, one was terrible we took one look at each other and it was all downhill, we played 3 games of pool, I was surprised he stuck around and paid for dinner. He kept complaining about his sore back so I said if you wanna head off and not watch the football I'm fine with that, he couldn't get out the door fast enough. I just want to go to a health retreat for a few weeks, get some weight off and focus on me, a relationship will hopefully happen at the right time.

I like my psychiatrist but I find the psychologist more helpful in talking. Group therapy is back on so hopefully I'm back on track soon.

I was in Brisbane in 2012 for two years. I love it up there, wouldn't surprise me if I end up back up there.

Watching the survivor finale now.