BPD - childlike

[spunkyturtle]

I turn 35 this week and am so frustrated lately, I feel like a 12 year old. I live with my parents, Mum bosses me around and tells me what to do like a 12 year old then Dad takes over and does things for me like I'm a child. If I don't do the dishes pronto by a certain time, he takes over amongst other things. They went away for 12 days in August and I looked after my disabled brother, it was nice to have responsibility and if I didn't do something it just sat there until I did.

the house is being sold and dad mentioned paying out my debt, I'm just waiting to see what happens so I can decide my next move.

Anyone else feel like a big child? Any advice?!?!

[spunkyturtle]

Can't say I have been to the Grampians, James. I was just talking to a friend about going up to Thredbo for a few days and claiming the summit of mt Kosciusko, it's on my bucket list. Would be nice to spend a few days bushwalking and try out white water rafting. I am betting she won't come, I may just go on my own. Would be nice to get away for a few days. So nice to start having some warmer weather!

Ive started to write a list of goals for next year, and have been writing a list of the things I achieved this year. Kinda exciting. Still time to add more to the 2016 list! The year is going so fast!

Deb

[GuestYD]

Hi

I totally relate to the childlike element of BPD. My emotions can be so over the top and I can be really impulsive. It's a hard space to be in and as mentioned you have the awareness that you aren't acting like an adult.

Good luck with your new psychologist. I said to James in another thread that DBT was a struggle for me in the group setting, so you might find it better with a psychologist. There are so many skills to learn. The best technique I learnt was a distress tolerance one where you put cold water on your head, lent over and held your breath triggering a mammalian dive response and so your entire body slowed down. Good tip for when you get really distressed.

Take care

LC

[spunkyturtle]

So glad you said that Cavvie, Thank you!

[james1]

Hey deb,

I went up the summit of Mt Kos in Autumn this year 🙂 I went alone and walked from Charlotte's Pass, so I did the full circuit. I camped near a creek on a hill and watched the sunset and then got up in the morning to see the sunrise from Mt Kos.

It is amazing.

I cannot emphasise just how nice it is to get away and be out in the open air, and Mt Kos National Park is stunning. It's also very safe because there are lots of people, but you might want to be careful of snakes in the warmer weather!

I love your idea of writing down a list of things. I've done that too 🙂 I struggle a lot with identity issues so it helps me to write down stuff that I'd consider doing. What's your biggest one for the rest of 2016? Mine is to get my motorbike licence (in 2 weeks!) and get comfortable riding longer distances.

James

[spunkyturtle]

OMG so exciting James!!!!! A few days in the open air will be great!

I did the pre motor bike licence course in 2014, I like to try new things. They said I could get my licence but I couldn't see myself actually buying a bike, so I didn't do it. That's an awesome goal!

OMG I'm realising how big my identity issues are. I'm just waiting to finalise this AAT case against the Education Department, I've been told if I'm not happy with the outcome I can apply to the Minister of Finance and it will be based on morals not law. Although that's all out of my hands.

Im so confused right now. With everything that's happened with my remission of HECS debt, I want to help people. So this little voice is telling me to finish my health sciences degree majoring in Psychology, then a 2 years Masters Degree and I'm a clinical Psychologist. Although in March I have the 4 month Diploma of Remedial Massage ourse then I'm a remedial massage therapist and I can work for myself, earn money. Also, I did the Diploma of Accounting last year and Federation University gave me 9 credit points towards the Accounting Degree, so only 15 subjects to go and I'm an Accountant. OMG if they want me to testify for this AAT case and expect rational answers, they won't get any, uggghhhhhh then I'm frustrated because I've put on weight from the meds and I'd do anything to go to a health retreat, it's on special $6,000 for 4 weeks! Now that's a cheap holiday!! I wish I could just get a loan or have a rich uncle to loan me the money. So frustrating and I'm getting sick of using that word ha ha ha

My parents house goes up for auction on the 29th, so a lot is depending on that. I'm sure Dad will lend me the $6,000 once he has it. Of course they will move to Bendigo then I need to find a room to rent near this course, because it's not done out there.

I sent my expression of interest to mates4mates to hike the Kokoda trail in PNG in May next year, won't find out if I'm chosen until after December 1. That is an amazing opportunity and goal for next year!!

The climb mt. Kosi will be a great goal to do before Christmas. See how we go. Wow, that's a huge ramble hahaha thanks for talking to me James.

[james1]

Oh I'm super excited about buying a bike, haha. I've always wanted one and probably a fun sports bike. I initially thought about getting a scooter instead. What stopped you from buying the bike? You just couldn't see yourself riding one?

Sorry what's AAT?

Oh man that's a lot of different career paths you have there, haha. I'm just glad I was forced to stick it out with one, because I'm really similar - in banking, but at various times I've swapped goals to become a clinical psychologist, a neuroscientist, a high school teacher, an economics academic, a full time writer and a musician. So I'm really glad I never ended up doing courses in each and racking up a debt 😕 That sounds like a real bum. But at least you can say you're multi-talented 🙂

I don't know mates4mates. I know the Cancer Council is also running a Kokoda Trail walk next year. You could look into that as well 🙂 You'll have to let us know if you get picked. I'd love to do the Kokoda one day - it sounds really tough! Have you done much hiking? I've heard Tasmania's Overland Track is really good, and NZ is amazing!

Hmm...I will see if I can find some photos from Mt Kos and put it up on my profile picture 🙂 It is a seriously wonderful walk and if you do it in Spring, I'm told there are heaps of wildflowers so as long as you're not hayfever-prone, you'll be okay, haha.

Oh no, it's lovely to talk to you! There's so much excitement about all these things, haha. I guess that's our inner child coming out eh? For me, just an insatiable curiousity about everything.

[spunkyturtle]

James!

Well done on sticking to one career! Last year I was told I could apply for remission of debt and have my HECS debt removed. I wondered if I could apply for previous studies too that I'd failed. I had $63,000 HECS debt and only 9 units passed to show for it, about $10,000. I applied to 6 Universities myself and 4 Universities removed $27,800 of HECS debt, it's now down to $31,400. Two Universities I'm taking to the Administrative Tribunal AAT. I have a law firm helping pro bono to get the last $16,000 debt removed. I'm done being a push over when it comes to my mental health and I'm fighting back and winning!!

Mates4mates is an organisation who helps ex serving members of defence, I went kayaking around the Whitsundays with them last year, was amazing!!

I didn't like the idea of riding a motorcycle on the roads, at least with a car you're protected. So then I just decided not to get the licence.

Cant wait to see your Kosi photos! I start with a new Psychologist Thursday so hoping that will help with my identity issues. I know what you mean about the curiosity, something interests me and then I want to major in it and get a masters degree, just have to know everything haha

i haven't done much hiking but the little I've done I enjoyed. It's refreshing for the soul. We did a 2 day hike at wilsons prom in 2007, was amazing!!!!!!

Happy Tuesday!!

Deb

[james1]

Hey Deb,

oh damn that's a big debt to rack up! That's awesome that you're fighting to get it reduced though and it sounds like you're doing well on that front 🙂 good on you! I'm always too scared to challenge these types of things. a guy pushes into the line and i just meekly stand to the side, haha. sometimes, i'll be lining up for maccas, and then someone will make a new line (instead of lining up behind), and rather than confront them i'll just meekly walk away. it's kind of lame 😕

Oh that sounds brilliant. How did you get into it? I love kayaking and really want to get my own kayak some day 🙂

I tried to put one up so it'll come up soon, but it's very small and only a section of the actual image 😕 i'll see if i can think of a better way to show them. burt the one which is going to come up is where I camped for the night and the colours are the sunset. it's this nice grassy part of a hill which dips into two valleys with creeks at the bottom. because it was winter and super cold (4 degrees), there was only me and one other tent there. it was amazing. and the stars!! i love stars. maybe i'll put a picture of up stars when i went to uluru.

Oh that's exciting about the new psych. a bit scary though? do you know how you want the first session to pan out? haha yes. I just want to study the heck out of my interests, and then i realise i have no time. or my attention changes.

Happy wednesday 🙂 sorry, i got home yesterday and just crashed, haha.

James

[spunkyturtle]

Oh that photo is awesome! I'll have to add some photos from the Whitsundays, oh I will be going back there for sure!!

I know what you mean, sometimes I just curl up and disappear other times I'll be aggressive and get what I want. It's always been harder though to fight for anything when my health is involved. It's only since I've been seeing my Psychiatrist and the meds have fixed me up, well made me more functionable and now I can fight for my rights. Next step I may need to testify in a hearing. So not looking forward to that. Stupid lawyers wanting rational answers to irrational behaviour, if I was held to that standard all the time I'd be in prison for life! Even I look back and wonder why I did the things I did Hahahaha

I signed up to mate4mates, I was medically discharged so eligible for their rehab services. Then I got chosen to go kayaking, all expenses paid. Amazing stuff. I've applied to go and do the Kokoda trek in PNG in May, we will see if I get chosen or not.

I started a DBT pre group, 8 weeks course to see if you do the 12 month course and I didn't last long so I'm hoping this Psychologist is good and we can do some DBT. I just miss having someone to talk to. I was doing group therapy, an exercise group and we had a good little group going, and the exercise physiologist left. It really effected me missing that one day a week and I saw last week and yesterday how much it's effected the others, it's so hard to see others that you've formed a connection with struggling and to know you can't do anything to help.

I swear James, in our next lives we will come back and sexy blonde women with smoking hot bodies and we will never have to pay for anything or be alone again ha ha ha

i enjoy talking to you James. This is great 😃 Hope you had a great day!

Deb

[james1]

Oh I'd love to see the photos 🙂 I've never been there, but I've heard it's really pretty. I used to do snorkelling and I've got an open water diving certification, so I'd like to get there some time.

Oh geez, testify in a hearing? That sounds really scary. Hahahaha rational answers to irrational behaviour. Yes. Every time I explain, after the fact, why I did something, people always say, "But...that doesn't make sense." And I'm like, "Yeah, I know." They don't really get it, and frankly neither do I, but there's a bit in my head which goes, "Getting angry and hurting myself to spite someone else is totally the right thing! That'll teach them while they eat dinner oblivious to my pain! Suckers!" Or is that just me? hahaha.

Oh were you a member of the defence force previously? That's awesome. I imagine you'd be very fit. I've heard Kokoda is very tough (people even die from disease!!) and everyone gets sick, haha.

Oh my gosh, there's a 12 month course? I couldn't do that. The commitment level is crazy. Oh that sucks about the exercise physiology group. So when you saw the group again yesterday, was it just self-organised or has a new physiologist started? It sounds like you really like having the group support aspect of these sessions. I'd really struggle I think. I'm always trying to be someone else and moulding myself to fit others, so group situations are really difficult for me.

Hahahahaha. I rage so much at beautiful charismatic people. Why can't I be more like you?? But personally, I'd rather be a husky in my next life. Only three goals in life: protect owner, look threatening, wag fluffy tail.

I like talking to you too Deb 🙂 I'm at work and I even made it in early today! 9:15 instead of my usual 9:45, when everyone else gets in at around 8:30. Come work colleagues. Bathe in the light of my success, haha.