BPD - childlike

[spunkyturtle]

I turn 35 this week and am so frustrated lately, I feel like a 12 year old. I live with my parents, Mum bosses me around and tells me what to do like a 12 year old then Dad takes over and does things for me like I'm a child. If I don't do the dishes pronto by a certain time, he takes over amongst other things. They went away for 12 days in August and I looked after my disabled brother, it was nice to have responsibility and if I didn't do something it just sat there until I did.

the house is being sold and dad mentioned paying out my debt, I'm just waiting to see what happens so I can decide my next move.

Anyone else feel like a big child? Any advice?!?!

[spunkyturtle]

So here I sit at home on a Friday night watching catch me if you can, had 8 drinks and tomorrow is the auction! I've been frustratingly pondering for weeks how to make a decision, struggling to find a psychologist who isn't greedy and will help and decided stuff it, maybe I just need to learn to have confidence in my decision and follow it through to the the bad. Saying that I enrolled in a couple Psychology subjects so hopefully I can help people eventually.

All will be revealed tomorrow - 2pm!!

Hows your week going James?

[james1]

Sorry, I will try to reply properly later. I've been trying to keep a bit of a low profile lest I say/do/think anything stupid...my psych appointment is today. I've been the kind of good that comes before a storm.

[spunkyturtle]

Oh man I'm on a massive downer. My Parents found a nice house, one I'd picked out and are about to put in an offer for it. 4 bedrooms and a study. So it's the 4 of us and here I am, 35 and still living with my folks. Broke as heck, no career as yet, ruined credit history, I don't know how I'm ever going to stand on my own two feet. I just want to check out. I'm so over being a failure. They seriously don't need such a big house, they should get something smaller and cheaper. shrugs

[Teal_shy_guy]

Hey your not alone there. I question if I'll ever be able to have a life of my own. Still live with my folks too and have no career. The thought of not knowing my future freaks me out. I feel like I'm running out of time sometimes.

I just feel like I'm stuck.

[james1]

Hey deb, ah it sounds like everything's just hit again 😞 I remember reading something about people with BPD often pushing things to the side and ignoring them until they all hit at once. It totally sucks. You said no career as yet, but it's coming along. I think that's a start. Can you make a contract with your psychologist to finish the massage diploma? The psychology course seems longer, so maybe you can have a bit of leeway with that, but maybe the diploma can be something you aim to finish even if you decide not to work in it. It's at least a fallback option?

I'm going to a cat cafe on Saturday. Would you like me to take some photos and show you? 🙂 Maybe that'll convince you to move up to Sydney! hahaha. You can do the cat cafe and move out at the same time. Two birds in one stone 😛

hey teal shy guy, welcome to the thread! It's horrible not knowing the future. I feel like that's my life. Worrying about the future, hahaha. What kind of stuff have you tried career-wise?

James

[Teal_shy_guy]

Hey James.

When I left school I wanted to be an Animator so went on to study that for a while. Not a good career choice due to the lack of opportunities but I was young back then and thought I had to try and get into something I was passionate about. Didn't want to move so tried to work out what else I could do. Tried doing a Cert IV Tafe course in residential drafting not knowing much about it at all. I ended up not liking it. Did a little bit of web design. Latest thing I've done is do a degree in Graphic Design at uni. It's more reliable than being an animator but I'm still finding it hard to get into it.

[spunkyturtle]

It's interesting, spoke with my lawyer and the Department solicitor has agreed to mediation, basically we can negotiate which units I get refunded for. That will be held in January or February most likely. Apparently the Department has sympathy for my situation in the later stages but have to uphold the law or some rubbish. It's like this, I finally have the strength to stand up for myself and my case is weakened because these mental health professionals won't help, apparently what I say isn't really relevant. Then I look up the financial statements online for OUA and they are worth millions of dollars!!!!! Talk about an insult to the system, my only downfall is the fact I couldn't afford mental health professionals over the years and even now they won't help me anyway. Somthe rich greedy universities stay rich and I get a kick in the guts. What a joke!

[james1]

Hey teal,

It's good that you've gone back to something you're more interested in. I think it's hard to do something you don't like full time. But graphic design is still definitely tough since you need to built a portfolio. Have you finished your degree now then? Did they offer any internships or anything?

Hey deb,

Oh boy that sounds like a lot of effort, but it's all worth it in the end I guess. So do you need to get a statement or something from a medical health professional to back you up in Jan/Feb? I'm glad you're good at fighting for yourself. I couldn't do that!

James

[spunkyturtle]

Hey James

will just leave it up to the lawyer and solicitor now, I will explain to them how I'm feeling and that I need them to step up and handle it because I can't take much more. Hopefully they'll negotiate the best they can and I'll have to trust them, then I'll go to the minister of finance and apply tomhave the rest of the debt waived so I may just win in the end anyway.

Im considering going back to see my Psychologist, group therapy is just smacking me in the head at the moment and making me worse. It hurts so bad, since the new guy took over today's group most my friends have left and aren't returning. Today a friend came who I hadn't seen in a couple months and she left at lunch time because the facilitator talks too much. I've tried talking to other psychologists but I'm done.

Sorry, just so down right now.

Deb

[james1]

Hey deb,

ah best not over stress yourself 😞

Do you have any external contact with the people from the group? I don't know if that's normally allowed...

When was the last time you saw your psychologist? Im' seeing a new one tomorrow.

James