BPD - childlike

[spunkyturtle]

I turn 35 this week and am so frustrated lately, I feel like a 12 year old. I live with my parents, Mum bosses me around and tells me what to do like a 12 year old then Dad takes over and does things for me like I'm a child. If I don't do the dishes pronto by a certain time, he takes over amongst other things. They went away for 12 days in August and I looked after my disabled brother, it was nice to have responsibility and if I didn't do something it just sat there until I did.

the house is being sold and dad mentioned paying out my debt, I'm just waiting to see what happens so I can decide my next move.

Anyone else feel like a big child? Any advice?!?!

[MarkJT]

Spunkyturtle, don't know if you have done this before, but the scene is certainly set for you to take control. Not saying total control (yet), but there is a golden opportunity for you to capitalise on the great feeling of being responsible when your parents were away.

What are the chances of you being able to say to your parents that you will take care of some duties around the house, the ones that your Dad takes over from you, for instance. Are you able to sit down with them and have an honest and respectful chat? If you are able to outline that you want to do x, y and z then they may lay off and let you do them.

Good luck with it but i really do feel that it is set for you to grow within yourself and take control.

Cheers

Mark.

[james1]

Hey spunkyturtle

I know we've had a chat before on another thread, but I just wanted to pop by and say yes, I absolutely feel like a child. I've been describing it as having a child's emotions and impulses, but with the awareness (and hence guilt, etc.) of an adult.

Mark's tip about having a respectful chat to your parents is a good one. When I was in hospital, that's what the psychiatrist actually facilitated. I realised I couldn't do it on my own, and the psychiatrist helped a lot. That said, my mum still does the same things, but every once in a while I am able to tell her to stop and usually she backs off. Perhaps you could also get some help in essentially mediating the discussion?

I think the move will be very good. I'm moving out hopefully by the end of the year. Really looking forward to just having breathing space.

Nice to see you again 🙂

James

[spunkyturtle]

Thanks Mark and James.

This BPD diagnosis has been hard to accept. I started an 8 week pre-DBT course last week and walked out after half an hour, I went back today and only lasted 75 minutes. I sat there looking around the room at the older people who had said they'd done DBT before and I think OMG I don't want to struggle with this all my life.

We are in the process of moving house, selling this house, the auctions on the 29th and are hoping to be in the new house by Christmas, it won't be too much later if it is. I'm waiting to see what happens and how it effects me. Dad mentioned my debt will be paid off, it is in their name anyway so that gives me some freedom to move! (Can already foresee the feelings of guilt if they do pay it off, I'm paying it now).

I swear my Mother has BPD, the more I learn about it the better I understand her. I don't tell her anything about my medical issues, she can be quite nasty at times and I don't need it. I wouldn't even bother talking to her about this. I just need to move out of the house. I've been too ashamed to even tell my Dad about the diagnosis, hence sitting in DBT group therapy was like a slap in the face with a wet fish. Chit just got real and it scared me.

Im just trying to organise my activities for 2017, looks like I'll be doing the Diploma of Remedial Massage. 12 month course then I can get some work.

Thanks for listening guys, I really appreciate it.

[MarkJT]

Spunkyturtle, i love how you are planning 2017 with course and then some work in that area. That is taking control of your own life which is super awesome.

Keep chipping away. You won't change attitudes in a day but if you do it little by little, soon enough you will be independent and have you own responsibilities to take care of without being told what to do or anyone taking them off you.

Great stuff.

Mark.

[james1]

Hey spunkyturtle,

My psychologist started working with me on DBT as well. We started with Schema Therapy but decided to change tact when my current situation started worsening.

I think it's great that you've tried going a couple of times. It sucks when you realise, "Oh hey, this is actually happening," but I guess it's for the better right?

Yeah, parents having problems themselves seems to be a commonality amongst BPD sufferers. My psychologist recommended I spend as little time with them as possible because it just wasn't healthy for me, and their habits are very well entrenched as well, so even if they want to change it will take a long time.

Oh that's exciting about the diploma. Does it start February? Will you be doing through a TAFE or something similar?

James

[spunkyturtle]

Hey James

saw my Psychiatrist today, he asked why I left DBT, he wanted to understand where I am at, I tried to explain but he pointed out it wasn't rational. Hmmm so I came home and found a Psychologist who is deeply involved in DBT and rang to make an appointment so hopefully I can work with her. As I told Doc, it was the OMG this is real, mixed in with the scare of how long others have been struggling with it, add in another birthday, a year older depression etc. it's getting better slowly.

The Massage course is a college, it's a fast track course starting March 1 til August 8 so it sounds great!

I hate coming out of an appointment with Doc then questioning everything, is this rational, is this a good decision, am I being silly again uugggghhhhhh

catch 22 ey, I miss living on my own and yet at my parents house I'm not so lonely. BPD sucks!

Cheers James! How's your week going?

[james1]

Hey spunkyturtle,

Ah i preferred my psychologist to my psychiatrist. The psychologist just seemed to better understand or just better listen than the psychiatrist who was more "this is right; this is wrong". Sounds like you have a similar experience?

March to August...wow that's very quick. Sounds like it'll be tough, but it'll be a nice way to see things going well in your life. Good on your for signing up 🙂

Haha yeah. I'm about to move out in the next couple of months and while I'm super excited to be free of all the judgement, I'll be alone and that's a bit of a scary thought. I will probably end up posting on these forums 10x more than before, haha.

My week has been a shocker! I forgot my work entrance pass 3 times, and on the 1 time i remembered, I lost my wallet, haha. I'm clearly way out of it. How about you? Just lots of packing and sorting? Do you have much sentimental stuff?

James

[spunkyturtle]

Hey James

i like my Psychiatrist but I'm not as comfortable talking to him. When I researched irrational thinking it explained the terms I learnt in CBT, catastraphising, overthinking, etc then I got it. I see a new Psychologist next week, just made an appointment and she does DBT so fingers crossed. I've made great progress since I started seeing my Psychiatrist though, and I trust him but I'd rather talk to the Psychologist.

i already have my cert IV massage so the course is 3 days a week, will be good. The TAFE was 3 days a week for a year! So this is better!

I hope your move goes well and you like your new place. I don't have much stuff, I find the most amount of stuff is books! I'll be donating some away.

Im starting Lite N Easy, I've packed on the weight since starting new meds in January and I really want to lose it.

The house is for auction in 2 weeks, exciting times ahead. I can't wait for the move.

Which state do you live in James? I'm in Melbourn.

I hope your weeks getting better 😃

deb

[james1]

Hey deb

Ah, that makes sense.Yes, sometimes i find it can help to know the terms so you can explain them better to doctors. I'm glad you've been making progress.

Ahaha I've always been a borrower so I don't have many books thankfully. We've been donating lots of stuff - old clothes and the like - so I don't think I'll have much to move 🙂

Oh that's so much healthier than me, haha. I have been eating lots of instant noodles from a cup, because I can't bother to cook and it's too much effort even to wash the pot and bowl 😕

I'm in Sydney 🙂 I went to Melb earlier this year to go to the grampians. Have you been out that way? I love the hikes there.

James