Just needed to post somewhereHave suffered depression most of my life,
but since 2009 its been getting worse and over the last year, so bad
that there seems to be no end in sight. I've seen psychiatrists,
psychologists and taken medication but nothin...
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Just needed to post somewhereHave suffered depression most of my life,
but since 2009 its been getting worse and over the last year, so bad
that there seems to be no end in sight. I've seen psychiatrists,
psychologists and taken medication but nothing seems to have "taken",
partly because I have, at least prior to 2011 tried to please the
specialists I've been seeing and made out like things were improving,
when they were not.I feel like a caged and wounded animal, I feel like a
nothing. I no longer have friends,bar one , who is an ex-partner. My
family is part of the problem - my upbringing and more recently my
mother have caused my great unhappiness and I cannot get over it - I
know I need to forgive and move on, but how? They don't recognise that
they ever did anything wrong, they don't see how I can be so hurt by
them bending over backwards and doing everything they can to help my
sister through her tough times (which is appropriate) but they could
never, ever try and do anything to help my through this, in fact going
out of their way to make it worse. My family loves me but only because
of familial bonds - there is no mutual respect, there is no attempt by
them to understand or know me in any way.Every night I go to bed and
pray that I don't wake up. I manage to get through work, come home, and
either cry or sit and feel numb. I have nobody to talk to and I'm scared
I'm going to do something stupid because my only friend is leaving the
country for a month and then I really will have nobody to talk to.I just
want this to stop. I have no life to speak of. I have no joy, nothing to
look forward to. If I try and go out, I become overwhelmed and leave
usually in tears, because I know I don't belong out there among decent,
normal human beings.I'm sorry for the rambling nature of this post, I
cannot think coherently at present and I apologise to those who may have
wasted their time reading this. beyondblue’s clinically-trained
moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to
suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from
the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or
self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0
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