Where to begin. I’ve struggled with depression for around fifteen years.
It’s been a struggle to say the least. I was abused
emotional/verbal/psychological by my mother. As a visible minority in
non multi-cultural small town, I’ve also experienced hi...
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Where to begin. I’ve struggled with depression for around fifteen years.
It’s been a struggle to say the least. I was abused
emotional/verbal/psychological by my mother. As a visible minority in
non multi-cultural small town, I’ve also experienced high levels of
racism. When I was younger (late teens/early twenties) something inside
of me knew that I couldn’t start my life until my family issues were
resolved. I swallowed my pride and starting seeing a counsellor – one of
many to this day. At that age, I was very ashamed of not only the change
I was feeling internally, but I was also very ashamed of the dysfunction
that was occurring at home. My counsellor naturally suggested that I ask
the family member who abused me to join, but unfortunately she was
unwilling to acknowledge the truth behind what was going on, at that
point in her life. This made me not only feel rejected, but it
communicated the opposite of what was preached at home (being
accountable and resolving our issues). I started having suicidal
thoughts and would play-out vivid fantasies of ending my life. As the
thoughts of suicide got worse, I ended up sharing with my parents. I
knew I needed emotional support, but it was something they we're
unwilling to give at that time in their life - I believe they were in
denial about the effects of their abuse. I remember crying for so long,
I felt like I completely drained myself of both my tears and emotions. I
struggled with violence, promiscuity, drugs, and alcohol throughout my
twenties. I’ve tried many things (prescriptions, psychiatry,
counselling, anger management); I’ve wanted nothing less than to lead a
normal life. I used to get so upset with myself, because I felt like I
was unable to control my emotions and just 'get over everything' (I’d
randomly break-out in tears; and often felt emotionally fragile and weak
around dominant personalities). I was constantly getting
bullied/targeted at work (I suffer from extreme anxiety, which makes me
come across as either weird or snooty). I ended-up losing two jobs in a
row and decided to take a year off and just write/focus on getting
better. Within the last year I've rededicated my life to the Lord. I've
decided to fight the spirit behind depression and started opening-up
about this illness. My dream has always been to write a novel, so I've
decided to write a story about the struggles of depression. I've started
my journey of facing down the issues behind my emotional scars.
How do I talk to my doctor?
