First time posting on a forum over another person. This is more for me
to vent and to work through my feelings and to stop overanylising the
situation. I'm 46, have ADHD and severe depression and I am by no means
an expert on relationships. I have kn...
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First time posting on a forum over another person. This is more for me
to vent and to work through my feelings and to stop overanylising the
situation. I'm 46, have ADHD and severe depression and I am by no means
an expert on relationships. I have known this female friend for 15
years. I met her through a group of friends. Over time I started
developing feelings for her. After a breakup I had a while ago, I
confided in her to get over the other person which really helped. She
has confided in me too after her breakups and relationships over the
years. Slowly after this I started developing even more feelings. I
mentioned that I had feelings for her, and she did not take it well. I
had to calm her down and say that I don't expect you to feel the same
way which made her feel better. But the feelings were always there and
she knew this but chose to stay friends. I never pushed her regarding
this. A few years ago, the group started hanging out less and less as
some had started their own families or moved away from our area. I
hadn't talked to her for a good 3 years. About six months ago, I
contacted her out of the blue and we started talking again. We'd share
everything, from sex, relationships, hobbies etc. We talked a lot.
Talking about things, as you do, out of the blue two months ago she
mentioned that we should have a night alone. I was a bit taken aback
with this, but she was serious. She mentioned that it could be fun. I
said that I realise that it would just be a night alone, no relationship
etc. She liked this. I thought I could handle it so I agreed to
organizing a date and time when she could. I never pushed it due to her
commitments with work and kids. But after two months I figured that she
was just not interested in meeting up. Her responses were a bit lacking
for a while too but not overly so. Two weeks ago she finally asked when
are we doing this. We organized a time for Friday Late November. First
time I saw her in years and my heart skipped a hundred beats. Yep the
feelings were still as strong as always. It was a great night, we booked
a hotel room, had dinner and a few drinks as well. Talked a lot as it
was the first time I had seen her in years.The next three days were a
bit weird. I felt depressed and upset and it was then I realised that I
did not handle it as well as I thought I would. But I kept it all as it
had usually been. No upsetting text messages etc, I just talked as we
always had. She barely answered my messages, and if she did they were
just one word answers etc. I realised that she is busy, so my messages
were very sporadic, and she had gone quiter in the past, but never this
quiet. I realised after those three days that the night we had was a
possible mistake. I felt really hollow and upset over it. And her lack
of responses was upsetting too. It made me realise that my feelings for
her were still very strong. I decided to end the casual relationship
there and then. Rather than not saying anything or ignoring her I
thought I should be upfront. I sent her a text explaining that I still
had strong feelings for her after all this time, and that I didn't think
I could do this again. A few hours later she texted me saying that she
would have to answer this text later. I then said that you don't have
to. I understand that you don't feel the same way and that I still
wanted her as a friend. Roughly a week goes by and no communication from
me or her. I didn't want to push it as I know she is busy and has her
own issues. After that week I sent her a message in the morning asking
if we were okay. No response. Later that night I sent her another
message saying that I would leave you to it, and if you ever want to
talk I'll be here. Later she told me off. She was annoyed that I sent
the earlier message during work hours, she was &*#$%#@ angry, that I was
being overdramatic, if she had known this in the first place that I
couldn't handle it she would never had offered, and that she was sick of
men saying one thing and meaning another. I was confused and the reply
hurt, but I apologized. I told her that it was a mistake on my part, and
that it wasn't until afterwards that I realised that I couldn't handle
it, and that I wasn't trying to hurt her in any way. In the end I asked
her if she could remove me and block me on social media, as this was the
only way we communicated. And that it would be better for both of us to
prevent any contact situations. I also didn't want the temptation of
unblocking her if I did block her. I just needed to distance myself and
sort my feelings out. She finally did block me after an argument we had.
Again saying that I am an idiot, and to stop with the over emotional
stuff. And that I was being weird. The whole situation has led to
another huge depression episode and I am totally upset over this. I
can't stop thinking about it.
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