I had a rough time growing up (family issues, got bullied badly in
Primary school and got bullied worse in high school and college by a
huge amount of people, I had stressed induced tummy problems and I was
really isolated and shy so I could barely t...
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I had a rough time growing up (family issues, got bullied badly in
Primary school and got bullied worse in high school and college by a
huge amount of people, I had stressed induced tummy problems and I was
really isolated and shy so I could barely talk to anyone and didn't have
any friends for all those years). Close to the end of 2012, I was having
a psychotic episode and said really strange things online and then
people from school saw it and were really angry at me for what I said
and came to my house so my stress got so extreme to the point where I
blanked out and couldn't even remember going to bed and the next day, my
psychotic episode got even worse and lasted 1-3 months. My psychiatrist
tried different medications on me until one of them worked and I got
better again. I stopped taking my medication 5 years later because I
thought I didn't need it and I was fine for a while, but then something
stressful happened and I had another psychotic episode and I had two
other ones that year as well from other stressful events. When I have
psychotic episodes, I think I am a really bad person, that everyone is
trying to kill me (including my family and doctors), that my tablets are
poisonous and I can't tell what is real and what isn't or, if it's a
less bad episode, I think I'm an angel and that everyone in the world is
so innocent and I sometimes experience feeling both good and bad things
about myself in some episodes so one minute, I'll think I'm like a
superhero and the next minute, I go back to thinking I'm horrible. After
my second episode, my psychiatrist asked me if I thought I might be
schizophrenic and not psychotic because I had more than one episode and
they also thought that I might have schizophrenia because I told them
that people were talking about me a lot of the time in a mean way and
they just said, they wouldn't do that, it's just your mind playing
tricks on you even though people DO talk about me a lot and they talk
about things I did about 10 years ago almost everyday. I think it's more
likely to be psychosis because I don't experience feeling these types of
thoughts all the time - just when I have episodes. My psychiatrist told
me that I'm lucky that there was a medication that worked well for me
because a lot of people don't have ones that work for them. So, does
that mean that if my medication didn't work, I would live the rest if my
life thinking everyone is trying to kill me? Because that would be
beyond unbearable.