I can’t do this anymore

[MissNobody992024]

You know how much it sucks when people say they know how you feel and they clearly don’t? I’m 25 and I’ve struggled with mental health all my life, I’ve tried everything and I still can’t get a job, I’m living with my alcoholic mother who makes everything about her and I have nobody. I’ve had people constantly tell me that they are here for me but when it really matters they don’t care. I want nothing more to move out but to do that I need a job and even if I get one my mother has the maturity and responsibility of a 6 year old constantly smoking and drinking and considers me lazy no matter what I do. For the longest time I’ve felt like I’m not supposed to make it and I don’t know maybe I’m just not worth it but despite that I’ve done nothing but fight for everything but recently I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t want to fight anymore.

[tranzcrybe]

There's a good chance your definition of yourself is not yours but your mother's, and this might be what you take to any job interviews or just what hangs over your head every day.
At the moment you are living a compromise: the roof over your head is at the behest of your mother, and for that at least you might find appreciation. At the same time, you are feeling hamstrung by the association and stigma of not living your own independent life.

A little bit of 'chicken and egg' here, but to find yourself you must venture out to succeed. Sure, you will need to make sacrifices and live a little rough, but this can provide the incentive to pursue the life you choose for yourself.
The happiest day of my life was sitting in my own (dilapidated, drafty, wonky) lounge room for the first time, on a bean bag and watching my (30cm) TV propped up on a packing crate - ah yes, I felt I had really made it!!
Despite getting up at 5am every day to sell magazines at the railway station to pay bills, I knew I was heading in the right direction - the people I met, the lessons I learned, all gave me the courage and impetus to build my dreams.

Affirmative action should help dispel mother's degradation and lead to self discovery.

[Whatsleft1]

There is nothing worse than being home all day and starting to  believe you are useless/lazy

My advice is to do volunteer work to be away from home, mingle with others and feel appreciated as many organizations are desperate for volunteers 

I'm 80 and still volunteering,  beats being home 24/7

Just google  volunteer jobs!

[therising]

Hi MissNobody992024

I think one of the hardest things to achieve is doing life without seriously constructive guidance. I've come to imagine life in the following way...

The day we're born, we step foot inside this incredible forest. In there, there will be unbelievably dense and/or dark parts that can feel impossible to get through, there'll be parts with barely any trees (where it's so much easier to see the way ahead), there'll be parts where the signposts/directions are obvious and there'll be forks in the road where there's no indication at all when it comes to which way to head. There can be occasional people who you can stop and ask directions from and there'll be people who'll lead you down the wrong paths. Then there can be little places to stop at, where you'll either find the tribe you best vibe with or find the kind of tribe that can do your head in (depressing and/or stressful groups of people). If there's one thing I've learned over the years that is more significant than anything else it's this...I cannot stand still in the same spot, going nowhere. It just becomes too depressing. I'm not achieving anything. I'm not making progress, taking any steps forward.

It's a parent's job to act as a significant guide, especially to begin with. If they haven't been filling that role in significant ways, the reality can look like us basically guiding our self. Hard to guide yourself when you don't know where you're going or heading. I've found it makes a difference to construct a circle of guides ('go to' people who I can go to under a variety of different circumstances). I should add, as a 53yo gal I still don't know where I'm going on occasion. You could say I've never been in this part of the forest before.

Guides can come in the form of people or organisations. Whether it's an organisation like Beyond Blue or people on the forums here, you might find some mental health guides here. Whether it's an employment agency that his tips and tricks for presenting our self in job interviews or they can help us find the job that best suits us, there could be some guidance there. 'LinkedIn' can be another job search resource of guidance. Whether it involves YouTube presenters or authors of good books, there can be some self development guides in those types of places. This list goes on when it comes to situations that can require guidance. One of the most important things to keep in mind when looking for a good collection of guides involves who not to add to the circle. There are certain people who will either take us in the wrong direction or lead us nowhere, two factors that can become depressing.

I've found really good guides will not give me tips or strategies I can't relate to. Trying to work with stuff we can't relate to can just be tormenting and it can feel hopeless. Makes more sense to speak with someone who's willing to relate or who really wants to relate. When we can't see the way ahead, it also helps to have a seer in our circle of guides, someone who can see for us while sharing with us what they see for us. When I'm depressed, typically I'll either see nothing (can't imagine anything) or I can only imagine worst case scenarios when it comes to certain outcomes. Kinda feels like my imagination's broken in some way. It becomes about finding a person or people who can see for me through their imagination. Again, it's about finding someone who can lead you to relate to what they see.

Perhaps the #1 goal for now could simply be about collecting guides/resources, developing a circle of some kind to begin with. I find I can feel the good guides just as I can feel the ones who make no difference (they do have a vibe about them). Again, I used to think I was broken until I woke up to the fact I just wasn't feeling the right guides or the right guidance under the circumstances I faced. You'll know it/them when you feel it/them.

[StephenP12]

Hey I've gotta say credit to u for putting urself out there like this. I'd say spontaneity a bit within reason- to try some new things like volunteering, things like that. If work is proving difficult to find yeah volunteering could be a good start. And just trust your judgement, think clearly your mother is what is making you struggle a bit. So just trust your judgement as well, not sure if I've nailed that. But I've had some struggles personally as well, which others have also dismissed so I feel u there