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Sole parent losing control
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Hi - I’m a sole parent to a beautiful 10 year old boy. In the past year I’ve had 2 major surgeries and most recently my son had his tonsils and adenoids removed. I feel like i am losing control at home and constantly worrying about if he is okay or if he has hurt himself. He needs a root canal due to trauma on a front tooth and as a single mum who can’t afford this, I just don’t know what to do. All of these health issues and worrying is taking over my mind and I’m always asking him if he’s okay or what’s wrong etc because I am
so scared of him injuring himself again or being in pain that i make myself sick with worry now. I used to be so in control and happy and now I just feel down and anxious. Anyone else feel the same? I don’t know what to do next.
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Hi, welcome,
I'm so glad you posted. Please dont feel guilt about this situation, anxiety is a serious illness but it can be cured unlike most mental health issues but it could take time.
On the outset your GP really needs to be in on this problem, they can administer treatment on a qualified level.
Being a single parent (as I was once) can result in insecurities depending on the person. Being anxious to protect the one dearest to you is not uncommon. However, when I had therapy some 35 years ago I was taught "realism" to help me overcome my anxiety. Results came immediately and the rest of my anxiety took another 22 years to cure... such is the depth of nervousness some people have. The technique that worked for me entailed examining the intrusive thoughts that entered my mind at the time then judging whether those thoughts were real or not. Once I realised they were not realistic, which only takes seconds, I could then decide what action to take.
Action?- OK, so as an example say you were home and you had a thought that your son was in a fight at school and you worried about his welfare. You can decide that the thought isnt based on reality but solely on fear, eg no evidence. Then you can try to blank out the thought by thinking of something else, or more practicably, change your physical activity. BY merely going for a walk you will be distracted, by doing gardening or going to a cafe or visiting a friend, its activity and your mind will drift from that unreal thought. Effectively you are using the changing of your senses to distract your mind from how it is creating fear by being idle.
Another factor could be lack of activities overall. Living just for your son isnt healthy overall. Mixing with others, hobbies, sport is all good for you. Join a volleyball team and take your son along. He'll likely be happy to see you are happy and cheer you along.
I have a few threads below, these could help enormously and you only need to read the first post of each.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/running-around-trying-to-save-the-world/td-p/143535
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808
BALANCE
Love can be the strongest feeling you have
Your son relies on you for and the words above
But there's a balance in everything we do
Its ok to love but you have to love YOU to
TonyWK
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