Running around trying to save the world

[white knight]

Worry, is the root of my evil.

How many of you try as hard as you can not to speed and just when you gradually go over the limit you get caught? So worrying about that possibility can prevent you speeding. It will also give you headaches, anxiety and in the end you wont enjoy life. Happiness will elude you.

The two extremes are clear. One end is the fool, the one that doesn't worry nor concern him/herself about serious issues, key handling, income, rent, diet and so on....responsibilities!! The other end is ....me!! and some of you...worrywarts, ultra responsible, worrying about anything that needs maintenance...what other people think of me and so on. Somehow in the middle is where we should aspire to be, happy, having fun and carrying out our responsibilities with the least worry...before you get back to having fun again.

And that leads me to "saving the world". Those like me that ty to save the world run around in our lives plugging up the imperfections of life. It's mid morning and I want to go to my shed to continue building my caravan. I grab the shed keys, take two steps than remember my phone as I'm waiting for Telstra to ring me regarding my account, take 6 steps, better check the mail, take 3 steps...take my dog for a walk to the mailbox...find the dog, walk 20 steps with the dog, go back 15 steps...grab the wheelie bin, tow it to the naturestrip, thinking deeply about my caravan, half way back to house forgot to check the mail walk back, no mail anyway, Dog is now confused. Upon my return better weed the garden, return to house, wife informs me I took the wrong bin down to the road, swap bins, return to house. Dog now tired and falls asleep.

You get the picture. The brain never stops in this mode. But its harmful. Most people would simply enjoy the walk to the mailbox, think earlier about taking the bin down and which bin to take and so on, and smile while doing so, breath the fresh air and smile.

Worry isn't productive and it robs us of enjoyment. It is the result of having a mother that I could never please. A dominant figure she be and will always be even after her death. Such is the fear. Worry can give you peptic ulcers, heart issues, depression etc.

Such "programming" is rarely deprogrammed. You have to learn to live with it as a part of you and yes....that worries me. like everything else.

Some parents "own" you as a product. I got rid of mine. That's one thing that doesnt worry me. Sadly but proudly

Tony WK

[Durras]

Hi Tony,

I don't know what to say in response but yes I kind of understand where your coming from. Your are right about worrying. I'm constantly living in worry everyday from when I wake to when I go to sleep. Me I am also one to try to save the world and help those always less fortunate then myself. Maybe this is partly why I am feeling how I am today.

I wont say anymore as my mind is in a down spiral at the present moment, but going to doctors today. I have posted a new thread which I hope comes on soon then you will know where I am at.

Hugs

Durras

[Mangof]

Good morning Tony,

great post, I like you worry about everything..... Financials,family,animals,not working tohelp provide for my family, are the bins out?,are the doors locked at night,what to have for dinner,and mostly is my family happy?,am I doing the right things as a wife and mother.

ITS EXHAUSTING! And from all the worry comes anxiety and depression I agree programming,programming,programming be the best, do your best, impress others,be a ahigh achiever, its relentless in the world I live in and sadly in an upbringing of a very large family where you have eyes watching your every move just waiting to comment and judge.

So after doing all the above here I am struggling to find the middle ground of true happiness. Peace of mind is what I crave, peace that assures me I have all I need, and that I am loved and appreciated for my kindness, and for being just me. sadly only I can get this feeling of peace, once my mind slows or stops allowing this to happen. If they taught this in schools what a great change in the next generations that would be.

I know I diffenately need to walk slower, breath the fresh air, look up more so I don't focus on what needs to be done. Life is so short time is robbed by worry and fear I wish the seas would part in this area of my life and I could just walk straight through it all to where I always wanted to be... The place of true,pure happiness and peace instead of riding a boogie board over water in a westerly gale trying to find some sort of landing! 

I know all is not lost, small steps or maybe in your case when you head out to work on your caravan open the door and RUN! To the shed then everything else doesn't have a chance to distract you from doing what makes you happy, my husband reminds me the world won't stop if I don't do certain things it's ok to leave things for a day or so. Congrats on building a caravan my father did when we were kids it was one of the precious times of our childhood so many childhood fun memories in it.

stay happy

mangof

stay happy

[Elizabeth CP]

Tony You are spot on. Worry & fear are essential human characteristics to help us stay safe by being alert to dangers. Unfortunately  some of us are over alert so worry paralyses us. For example yesterday I started off well. I decided to sleep in (for me that is a rare example of me listening to my body & caring for myself )  I ensured my husband could get  breakfast & gave him  instructions where everything was. (He is blind and I had recently sorted the pantry). Then I noticed my husband become seriously unwell. I did the practical things which needed doing but then worry took over. Earlier in the week he had been to hospital with the same thing and was told to see his specialist as they didn't know what to do so no point going back there , we saw his GP earlier in the week who couldn't help so no point going there.  Eventually I spoke to the specialists receptionist who said he was on leave but she would try to ring him for advice. Rather than accepting I had done all I could do and go about my normal routine while I waited. Instead my mind went into overdrive with guilt feeling because i couldn't fix his pain. We had planned a short holiday. Instead of just rescheduling, I remembered every time holidays have been cancelled as proof that we will NEVER be able to go away and enjoy ourselves. I then proceeded to waste most of the day too paralyzed by worry to do anything useful. Eventually the specialist contacted us and asked me to take my husband to the city hospital and the specialist would arrange for his colleagues to admit him and do further testing and fix the problem. I arrived home at 2am after he was eventually seen by the nurse in emergency and she assured me he would be admitted onto the ward once there was a bed. 

The moral of the story is worry is only useful while it prompts you to make appropriate choices but after that it just causes guilt and stops you being productive. 

I was advised to acknowledge negative thoughts like worry and then if they aren't helpful tell myself thankyou mind but  this thought isn't helpful' and move onto something else. The idea of acknowledging the thought was that accepting the thought is there allows you to deal with is and move on rather than unsuccessfully trying to ignore it or getting hooked in. I find this technique helpful but I need to practice it when I am not under pressure so I can do it when I am under pressure like yesterday.

Anyone else got ideas to deal with worry

[Scotchfinger]

Tony

I hope you don't mind me being amused by your description of the dog in this story. "confused"  🙂

I can understand to some extent because I am definitely a worry wart too.

I send my unreserved support Tony. You are a gem of a person!

[White_Rose]

Hello Elizabeth

I also agree with Tony. He has written a number of thought provoking posts in the past and this is one more. But how to stop worrying unnecessarily? You description of your concern about your husband's pain is exactly the sort of situation where we get ourselves in a mess. Yes, you did all the right things and eventually obtained some help for him. Great! But as you said, it took all day to do this, albeit in small bits. Stop worrying when you had done all you could? It would be very difficult to do this when it involves someone close to you in pain.

Could you just walk away, so to speak, and wait until the phone rang? Become immersed in reading a book? Not likely I suspect. You said,The moral of the story is worry is only useful while it prompts you to make appropriate choices but after that it just causes guilt and stops you being productive. Yes but by then other factors have kicked in, such as your concern for your husband.

I too try to acknowledge the negative thought, accept it is there and then move on. As you say, not the easiest thing to do. I find meditation helps with these situations. I don't mean you should run off and meditate when something crops up. Probably would not be able to do this anyway because you mind will be in a turmoil. The practice of daily mediation does help to quiet the mind and learn to accept more easily the difficult and frustrating situations. I find the benefits difficult to describe without making it sound like a magic cure-all.

Meditation helps me to touch my inner resources, which are there in all of us, and let our minds and bodies act in a more calm manner. I believe this is why I can manage my depression without climbing the walls, most of the time at least, while acknowledging I am unwell.

Love to hear other ideas.

Mary

[white knight]

Yes, scotchfinger, I do throw in some humour at times. Like this-

THE BLACK WIDOW

The male black widow spider

tried all his life

he tried to tickle the hairy legs

of his larger black widow wife

Finally he had a win

something at last to gloat

she began to laugh aloud

as his leg slid down her throat

Poor male black widow

was always to get into strife

all because he couldn't understand

the nature of his hairy wife....

I've written about 50 article here since my beginning 20 months ago. I write about them as they come about. I'm so happy so many people responded and can relate to worry. Worry means we rarely relax as Elizabeth mentioned with her "sleep in" she rarely gets (hats off to you Elizabeth).

This thread is one example of the power of this forum. See, we are the sufferers, the confused and the owner of our illness/s. So while we respect the medical professions for their work and their intentions our place in the mix in terms of assistance to those seeking examples of others that can express their own experiences is really quite important and can make an impact. Sometimes the qualified professionals are detached to much to make an accurate assessment because they are not experiencing the pain.

Worry, how often has a Dr addressed the thoughts of worry? They can administer meds for depression but you can worry without being depressed??. It's just a thought of mine that we as a section of the mentally ill community has a place within it. As long as we don't go beyond our scope of such assistance to others, the rules here for example do not allow us to suggest brands of medications and that's good. We need to keep to the rules.

But it still allows so much to be said so we are not alone. Me worrying...I'm certainly not alone. Thankyou all.

Tony WK