Not really knowing where to start! Im new to this board as well.

Chloekat84 · ‎05-07-2014

Hello my name is Chloe and im 29 years old with 2 children. One girl who i have full custody of and the father isn't involved and a son who spends most of his time with his dad. I have been diagnosed with anxiety/depression since my late teens and been on and off various anti depressants for years. i have had a few bad times in my past but nothing compared to what i have been going through recently. Around 6 monthes ago i decided to come off my antidepressant which up until then was working very well for me, i just started to get some more bad days then good so my doctor decided to put me on a different drug so i tried another antidepressant but that didnt work either so we then started another and slowly increased the dose. I now wish i never went off my first antidepressant until recently with all the drug changes a started to feel unwell physically and emotionally. One day i was fine and the next i woke up like i had a really bad hangover but without the fun of drinkin the night before. I wasa mess that day and was hopin it was a one day thing and would go away the next day. Unfortunetly it didnt and every day got worse that i had seen doctors many times and even went to the emerency clinic as i couldnt stop shaking, was neausus and vomiting and had really bad restless legs. I have had restless legs in the past but nothin like this. It got to a point where i was crying 24/7 and even the most simplist thing like dressing/bathing/feeding and looking after my daughter was a struggle. This went on for a week when i had enough and couldnt cope. Previously the drugs didnt even work on me i was that anxious. Finally i went to the emergency with a referal from my GP and i stayed in hospital a few days as i needed sleep so badly as up until my bad attack started a week earlier i was having broken sleep for 2 or 3 hrs a night and hallucinating. My daughter had to stay with me as no1 could look after her so i couldnt have anything 2 strong to help me sleep. The next few nights my family helped and looked after her so i could get some much needed rest. I felt more positive when i left hospital. I am on an anti-pychotic drug which has helped a lot.

Chloekat84 · ‎10-07-2014

yeh definitely seeing a doc soon as my symptoms and mood are fluctuating a lot. Still waiting to hear from a psychiatrist as i as told it shouldnt take two weeks. its already been over a week so im giving it a bit more time then going back. Unfortunately family who live near me havent offered me much support and put me down too often. The family that do are 2 hours away and are often unwell themselves. Its just soo hard coping with all this on my own whilst looking after 2 kids at the same time. One is 6 and the other is nearly 2. Hating being alone especially.

--Danny-- · ‎10-07-2014

Hi Chloe, just hang in there & keep fighting the battle...hopefully within a few days you will see the psychiatrist & the doctor can stabilize your medication maybe? Don't listen to people who put you down..just get rid of the toxic people in your life..they won't help with your anxiety & depression..being a single mum would be extremely tough job...being alone by yourself wouldn't be fun...I really hope things start going well for you Chloe! Take care 😃

Danny

Chloekat84 · ‎11-07-2014

Hello Danny, Thank you for the inspiration. Ive learnt to just not talk to certain family members about my feelings and everything im going though as they dont understand and often judge me. I still havent anything from my doc psychiatrist so going to call on monday as i really want to start feeling normal again and not on edge all the time. Having to deal with this on my own with the kids hasnt been easy i can tell you that. Putting on a happy face when im unhappy isnt easy either. Well thats it for now.

--Danny-- · ‎11-07-2014

Hi Chloe, I'm hoping your having a better day today :-).. It's not good that you're getting judged by your family..hopefully the family members that do understand are there to support you in these tough times..stay strong..what are your plans for this weekend Chloe? Maybe hanging out with the kids might lift your spirits..

Take care,

Danny

Chloekat84 · ‎11-07-2014

Hey Danny. Ive been pretty busy with my kids, my son especially who is nearly 7. He is a real handful thats for sure. He sometimes lifts my spirits when he behaves but often i have a lot of trouble trying to contain his behavior especially being a single parent with no male influence he thinks he can get away with more which makes my anxiety and depression worse when he upsets me and doesn't listen etc. i know this prob sounds normal to a lot of parents to young kids but i really do struggle sometimes expecially when i have both. Its got to the point that his behavior has been soo bad when he goes back to his dad that we have talked about me having him only during half school holidays and not every second weekend which is what i now have. My ex can see im not coping and thinks this may improve his well being of a stable family life. Am i a bad mother to think this this is a good idea? Of course i will miss him as i love him dearly but often have trouble coping with him if only for a couple days without support. Anyways my day hasnt been the best as my son hasn't been listening and i had to pick up my daughter early from childcare as she has conjunctivitis so been pretty hectic and i forot to take my meds at the right time. Just been too much today. Hoping tomorrow is a better day as my mum and step dad who are supportive are meant to be staying a few nights which will cheer me up and my son loves "Pappa Pete" as he calls him lol. Anyways thanx again for the support.

Onion33 · ‎12-07-2014

Hi Chloe

How long has it been since you started your new medication? I felt crazy for the first week then zombie like for the second week, then it came good and I felt stable. It often takes time and that is a really tough period to get through.

Glad to read that you are seeing the gp again soon to discuss.

That is wonderful that your mum is coming for a few nights. I'm sure that will help. I needed someone with me every day till the medication kicked in. I also felt very shaky and uuneasy and had trouble looking after my baby during that time.

I'm sure things will come good. You are taking all the right steps to make sure you get better and be the wonderful mum you know you are

Chloekat84 · ‎12-07-2014

Thank you Onion33 for the reply. I havent felt the best later this arvo everything started to get to me and my anxiety had been throuh the roof and i feel like i have ants under my skin constantly and im shaky. Ive been on this new medication since i left hospital a few weeks ago. Sometimes it helps and others not soo much. The doctor has now told me to double the dosage yesterday and i started taking that last night. It s meant to make me feel better but i actually feel worse since taking it, is this normal? I know it can sometimes take a while for medications to start working properly in your brain. Im seeing my doc on monday so will be discussing this with him. Hoping to have an early night but my son and "papa pete" are in my room atm and im trying to settle my daughter to sleep now too so need to wait a while i think. As soon as i can im having a shower which really helps relax me b4 reading and bed. Night x

--Danny-- · ‎12-07-2014

Hi Chloe, I really feel for ya mate..I think if you see your son on half school holidays, then this means you can concentrate on getting yourself better again..once your kicking goals again, get him back every second weekend...it's only temporary...you have to trust your motherly instincts & if you think this will be best for your son temporary, then do it & don't feel bad...just save up some extra cash & when you do have your son for the week, take the kids out to cool places & your son will love it..quality times with his mum & sister, he will remember the good times for ever...I really want everything to work out good for you..

Take care,

Danny

Chloekat84 · ‎13-07-2014

Hey Danny. That idea sounds good only prob is my ex wants to make this transition a permanent one for justins wellbeing so hes not going back and forth so often. And you cant argue with my ex. Basically as soon as i give him more custody of my son its a lot harder to get him back 😞 so im sorta stuck but know hes right when it comes to my sons behaviour etc. Also on another topic my doc who i saw briefly friday made me medication higher, double actually. Not sure if i mentioned that in my last post. After half an hr of taking my medication i felt really tired, groggy and could barely keep my eyes open i was struggling with the kids i can tell u. I feel a lot better now but need to tell my doc as im hoping this isnt a permanent side effect, only while i get used to the drug. Anyways thats all for now feeling depressed from lack of support from family etc but i guess thats life 😞

Onion33 · ‎13-07-2014

My doctor also told me to double my dosage which I did after the first week. I started to see improvements after a few days. I felt like a zombie that second week, incredibly tired but it didn't last. I was also shaky like you describe. I felt better if I held someone's hand. I feel very normal now. All those side effects didn't last.

I'm glad you are staying in touch with your doctor. Very wise!