New job

[Haitchy]

Hi Folks. New to this forum.

I have suffered from anxiety for a few years on and off now. It came about after an abusive relationship and more recently my fathers sudden death.

I left a long term job recently - it was an unhealthy environment for myself and many others but that being said, I was comfortable with the work and in my comfort zone. Importantly, I was really good at my job.

Ive just started a new job. The environment is quite high pressure and I'm struggling a bit with learning new and very unfriendly software.

I've had a little training but I'm there alone effectively and trying to do my best.

Im finding that I'm getting quite frazzled when it's busy and I've made a couple of mistakes.

I'm trying to tell myself that this is normal but the brain is saying I'm useless and the people around me will think I am too.

ive actually started to dread going there - it starts when I wake up on the days I'm working with 'that feeling' in my chest.

Any advice on how to deal with this much appreciated.

[CoraC]

Here I Am, Oh yes, I've felt exactly the same. Worried about, well everything really. But particularly worried about how I'd present to other new employers and not being able to present a good front. Just want to say from what you described, I've definitely been there too. I hear you. I get it. And it's awful. If only we could predict the future and get an insight into the workplace? Before you've committed to it. It's so hard.

[Here_I_am]

One thing that is really heartening is seeing that others have gone through similar, and yet they're still here!

The sky didn't come falling down, the bank didn't come and repossess the home and the car 28 minutes after hearing about the struggles you're going through, family services didn't come in and take a keen interest in your ability to parent now that you're not quite your usual capable self... all those things that I assume are going to occur in a very quick manner don't appear to happen at all when I read other peoples' stories.

Thank you for replying, CoraC. It's such a help to know that their are other people in the world that get where I'm coming from. This thread has been really helpful. (... I hope I haven't hijacked it too much! 🙂 ).

[Here_I_am]

Well!

Turns out my anxiety wasn't for nothing after all! 🙂

Went back to work yesterday after having a week off due to my sudden onset of anxiety, and am greeted with a 'possible redundancy' meeting/letter. Chicken or the egg?

What I do know is that I have felt for a few weeks now that something had changed. I also know the HR advisory group we use is very particular and their is little chance this redundancy letter was quick in the making - it would had to have been a conversation they've been having for at least a fortnight.

Funnily enough, the news has left me feeling pretty chill about the whole saga. I'd already started looking for other roles as I could see their was something amiss (my wife thought it was all just the anxiety, but it was only a part of it), so I'm hoping I'll pick up something quickly.

Still working out the details of the package, but it's a funny thing that my biggest worry was losing this job, and now that this is the likely outcome, it makes sense to move on anyway!

[Nervybella]

Hi all

this is going to be a rambling kind of post sorry, but just need to get the thoughts out of my head

so I quit the new job after a week. I was at peace with the decision as I know it’s right for me long term. I’ve been looking and applying for all sorts of other jobs now.

I got a phone call yesterday from one asking for an interview. This should be great news... but my immediate thought was “no. I don’t want to. I can’t do this”

i feel like I am self sabotaging. I’m getting so anxious about going to the interview. I don’t even know if I want the job.

I feel safe and comfortable at home right now and am having these thoughts of... what if I run into the people from my previous job, what would I say? How do I explain my current unemployment in this interview?

I know I can say no to a job offer if I get one (jumping ahead here as I may not even get it) but I feel pressure that I should just take anything because I should be employed

feeling all over the place right now and would like to how others have coped in similar situations...

Bella

[Nicole73]

Hi Bella,

I fully understand how you feel. I went for my first interview the other day, since quitting my job of 1 week. I was nervous and my face and neck were bright red the entire time as I was feeling embarrassed...and the more I felt it being flushed and red, the worse it got. I just apologised for my redness and explained that I was nervous. Once the interviewed was finished, I walked out feeling like it would be a nice place to work. Then all the silly anxiety thoughts came flooding in. What if I can't multitask like they need? What if I don't get on with the other staff as most are younger than me? What if they expect me to do lots of late shifts, that means I will have to drive home in the dark? What if I feel the same way as I did in my last job and want to quit? And the list goes on. I was getting myself all worked up and worrying about the job that I hadn't even got yet (and was dreading getting the 'congratulations...you got the job call'...even though there was a very high possibility that I wouldn't even get that call in the first place). Then I tried to rationalise it all a bit more. I asked myself...what did I hate about the last job that I quit? And then I asked myself...what does this job have that the last job didn't? All of a sudden, rather than seeing only the bad, I started to see the good in this job. Although I was still nervous about the possibility of getting the job, suddenly I saw the whole thing in a slightly different light and thought perhaps it will be ok after all.

Unless you are struggling very badly financially, I don't think you should just take a job because you don't have one. I think you need to find one that you feel is an ok fit for you (I don't think any job is going to be perfect but if the goods outweigh the bad...then that's a winner in my eyes). And as you say, you can politely turn down the job offer if you get it.

Hopefully someone might have some better coping skills to offer as advice. I'm not really good in that department, but just wanted to let you know that I feel the same as you and you are not alone in that regard.

[Nervybella]

Hey Nicole

Nice to hear back from you! Hope you’ve been doing ok. Have you heard back from that job yet?

I think you help more than you think - it’s just so nice to know I’m not the only one going through these thoughts. Sometimes I feel like my friends and family, because they don’t have anxiety and do have jobs just don’t understand what I’m feeling.

I hope that by going to an interview, even for a job I don’t really really want it will help boost my confidence a little. And at least it gets me out of the house and talking to people?

Trying to pull the positives from this wherever I can

how have you been keeping yourself busy while unemployed? I’m finding as much as I don’t want to do anything, I’m getting a bit bored...

[Nicole73]

Hi Bella,

No, I haven't heard back about the job yet. They said they would ring if I get it or email if I didn't. I haven't yet received either notification although as the days pass, the more I can assume I wasn't successful. I have been doing quite good thank you. While not working, I have been keeping busy in the garden (we have quite recently moved back to where I grew up and the house we have has a massive garden). I know how you also feel about your family and friends not fully understanding where you are coming from because they are not suffering from anxiety. For the first time ever, I actually reached out and told a few closer friends and family that I wasn't coping with things. It was amazing...some of the people who I thought would most support me haven't, and some of those who I thought would least support me have. It was a good lesson in life as I now know who my true friends are.

I love your attitude about going to a job interview for experience and to get out the house and meet people. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Good on you. This is sometimes one of the hardest things you can do (well for me it is anyhow). And with regards to not feeling like doing anything...yep...lol, again I'm with you there. But...I do force myself to get out and about sometimes (even if down in the garden) as I know I'm only making it harder in the long run on myself if I don't. I have even been looking at different groups and events in my area. I haven't found anything that tickles my fancy yet, but I'm sure I will. I thought that would be a good way to meet some new friends (and again, get me out of my comfort zone). I'm one who doesn't need a big group of friends and don't really regular coffee catch ups etc, but it is still nice to have a couple of people that you can do things with occasionally.

Anyhow, enough waffling I suppose...lol. I'm glad my post helped (even if a little bit). I find support from others on these forums have been my biggest help on moving forward. Just knowing that other people actually do feel the same as me sometimes helps make life feel not quite so isolating and scary.

By the way Bella, did you end up agreeing to go to that interview?

[Nervybella]

Hi Nicole

how would you feel about not getting this job? Was it something that you really liked the sound of?

I went for the interview today. The people were very friendly, but it was an odd sort of interview. Only 15 minutes! My previous experience with interviews have been more like an hour or and hour and a half. not sure how I feel about the job- it’s in a totally different industry to my previous work, and it took be about 2 hours to get to by public transport... so that’s not great. Makes for a long day!

Gardening sounds nice, it’s just so cold right now where I am!! I’m trying to get outside in the fresh air whenever I can. Luckily my dog loves a walk so she is my motivation haha

Im glad to hear you reached out to some family and friends, I’ve found this to be one of the best things I ever did as you don’t feel so alone. Even if they don’t understand, most will listen anyway 🙂

Have you found your family and friends supportive of the fact your unemployed right now?

[Nicole73]

Hi Bella,

I am in two minds if I don't get the job. One side of me would be disappointed to think that I wasn't good enough to get the job. The other side of me would be pleased that I didn't get the job as then I don't need to stress about it. As far as jobs go, yes it would be good...not perfect, but I don't think I will find perfect. It was full time and I would prefer part time...but I am a realist and know that not many part time jobs come up. Put it this way, I would accept the job IF it were offered to me.

Oh yay...you went for the interview. Excellent. Wow, your interviews go for a long time. They really must be stressful. Luckily my job interviews normally only go for around 20-30 minutes. Maybe your 15 minute job interview is good because it might offer you something different? How do you feel your went? Do you think you like the sound of the job and company?

I am very lucky that I have a very supportive husband. Although he doesn't really know what to say (talking about feelings is not his strength), he never gets cranky or annoyed that I'm currently without a job. But luckily, we are also not in dire straights financially at the moment, however bills are always coming in and so I do need a job.

Awww...so nice you have your dog for your outside walking motivation. I love dogs. I haven't had a dog for about 18 months now and although I would love one tomorrow, realistically we are not home enough to be a responsible dog owner. We do go away a bit on weekends from time to time and I don't think it's nice leaving animals home along all the time. And dogs are the best company too! They love you unconditionally.

[Nervybella]

Hi Nicole

I would like to know how you get on if you hear back from this job. Are you applying for more too?

Its pretty daunting isn’t it. I feel like I went ok in the interview, but not sure it’s really what I want. I didn’t get really good vibes from them. They seemed almost disinterested. Was sort of odd

dogs are the best!! I’m very lucky to have a lovely pooch who seems to know when I need her to cuddle or get me outside etc etc. I truly think let’s have a special sense and know how to look after their owners