Anxiety

OCD thoughts/habits - Is it because I am a bad person?

replies: 19

Hello Everyone, This is my first time on a forum looking for help. I was diagnosed with OCD years ago and in the last few months it has been as worse as I can remember. I am 33 years old but can remember being around 15 when I first got a puppy and i... View more

Hello Everyone, This is my first time on a forum looking for help. I was diagnosed with OCD years ago and in the last few months it has been as worse as I can remember. I am 33 years old but can remember being around 15 when I first got a puppy and it was around this time my OCD really kicked in. I would wash my hands to get the smell of the dog off them and kept smelling them afterwards never thinking the smell was gone. This then turned into switching off the bathroom light but having to check 5-10 times if it was really off. Lately it has been what I can only describe as a nightmare. For some reason I am having to constantly remember things that happened in the past and try to remember the exact day and sequence of events that occurred. Most times I even manage to convince myself something happened even though I clearly know they didn't. I finished up at my last job a couple of months ago and am currently looking for work and I know sitting at home all day applying for jobs is affecting me because I am not socializing and have too much time on my hands to just "think". I keep telling myself it's all in your head, this OCD that you have makes you think these things. Sometimes that makes me calm but then 10 minutes later I'm back to trying to think about past events and things I never did. Part of me feels as though this OCD is a punishment for me not being a good person or something.

OCD scary thoughts and anxiety - need help!

replies: 6

Hi to those reading this post. This is my first post on this website as I feel like I have hit boiling point with my symptoms. I'm in my mid 20's and have been dealing with on and off OCD behaviour, obsessive scary thoughts, anxiety and depression si... View more

Hi to those reading this post. This is my first post on this website as I feel like I have hit boiling point with my symptoms. I'm in my mid 20's and have been dealing with on and off OCD behaviour, obsessive scary thoughts, anxiety and depression since I was in my early teens. To be honest, until today, I had no idea what I was dealing with as I thought I was 'going crazy' and turning into a 'psycho'.. or so I kept saying to my boyfriend. I have been having disturbing thoughts about harming myself and the ones I love since I was a kid and would obsess over these thoughts to the point that I would get physically sick (diarrhoea, nausea etc), hot flushes, heart palpitations etc. I always felt like there was a black cloud hanging over me and I would just feel horrible and guilty for having these horrible thoughts. This would last for weeks on end and then I would be okay for a while and something would trigger these thoughts again... usually scary movies or disturbing stories about people hurting themselves or others. I know I am a good person and have a big conscience and could never hurt myself or others but I would obsess over the fact that these thoughts would even come up in my mind. For example, my dad died from a blood clot to the heart a few years ago and through all the horrible grief and emotions, an obsessive thought came up where I thought "OMG what if I did something that led to his death". like as if I made his tea with bad milk or something that could have hurt him. This thought scared me so much that I couldn't be alone for ages and needed my friends and family to be around me all the time to distract me.. I know that he died from natural causes but I had this horrible guilt and anxiety from one silly thought! Today, I told my boyfriend all about these horrible thoughts and anxious OCD behaviours I have dealt with in cycles since I was a kid and that's when I made the diagnosis..thanks google! I even will move objects or fix things because I think bad things will happen if I dont. I just want to know that I am not alone and suggestions on how I can get through this and overcome it. These horrible thoughts were somehow triggered last week and have been plaguing me all week to the point where I am too scared to be alone with my own thoughts, or not be completely distracted with activities. Any help or guidance from fellow members would mean the world to me. Thank you if you are still reading this massive post. I appreciate it so much.

Why me????? I hate OCD!!!

replies: 31

I have contamination OCD.... I just feel like the last 5 months have been one big blur. I am constantly stressed, I honestly cant think of a time Im not stressed, even asleep its taking over. Today was a bad day, coming out from school drop off and t... View more

I have contamination OCD.... I just feel like the last 5 months have been one big blur. I am constantly stressed, I honestly cant think of a time Im not stressed, even asleep its taking over. Today was a bad day, coming out from school drop off and there was wet, fresh blood on the path I dont know if I walked in it but in my mind I have somehow because others may have therefore its everywhere including on my shoes. I was supposed to be going to my first yoga type class but I just couldnt as the fear of it being on me I just needed to go home and shower and clean everything. Whats worse though is I couldnt clean it I just couldnt go near it so my partner had to, which he does but truly HATES doing it. He believes I should and I get that but I was already in a state of panic I just couldnt face it. What is the "normal"way to handle this??? I just feel like Ive lost all sense of reality and what is a "normal"way to react. I mean it was blood, near a school, near my children!!! I try and think what I wouldve done prior to OCD being so in my face but I dont know because I probably wouldnt have seen it and if I did just walked around it. How do I stop this, Im exhausted, my marriage is falling apart Im just leeting everyone down, including myself.

not sure if this is anxiety

replies: 4

im never quite sure whats a symptom of my supposed mentall illness', and whats just my personality, so i dont know if i am reading too much into this, or if its anxiety. pls dont judge me because i think this is just as dumb as u will after reading i... View more

im never quite sure whats a symptom of my supposed mentall illness', and whats just my personality, so i dont know if i am reading too much into this, or if its anxiety. pls dont judge me because i think this is just as dumb as u will after reading it: i had to buy a pillow the other week, all i needed was one pillow, but i wanted a good comfy one. i went to a bedding store to get one, and there were hundreds of options, almost right away i started freaking out it got progressively worse as i couldnt plan a way to make sure i saw every single one and it got to a point where i started crying & left the store. a similar thing happened when i went to ikea for the first time (a combination of the too many choices thing im talking about and the one way thing ikea do leading me underground to where i thought id suffocate and be trapped or get lost forever made me have a full on panic attack in public which had never happened. just a fun anecdote for u) and also today at sephora for the first time. i was so stressed i wouldnt see it all and id get something that wouldnt be the right one & it would be so incredibly bad for my life i have a $15 prepaid, but never got a "proper" phone for 2 years only bc im too afraid to pick one in case it's the wrong one and it somehow greatly impacts my life; granted i also dont have the motivating factor of needing a phone, because no one calls me, but still another thing, if i decide "oh, id like to go to savers (second hand chain) sometime soon" i have to go the next day, or i cant get it out of my head that someone will take something that i need and i will miss out forever i got a collectable doll thing as a gift. i didnt care about it, it sat in the present bag for years. i had forgotten i had the thing, untill i was looking for things to sell bc i needed money. as soon as i sent it away, i cried. even still now, not because i liked it but because i dont have it anymore and its mine and i need it. i steal stuff i would never buy, because i think i wont have it when i really need it so this all sounds stupid when i read it, and trivial, but im also like kinda worried about it because it does impact me a lot. like it shouldnt, but it gets in the way of doing normal things like buying shit i need or just not being stressed out about shit for one second of my life so im not even sure if all this is something psychoanalysable (pretend thats a word) or if its just a normal range of a weird thing, if u know what i mean.

First Time Posting - Panic/Anxiety Disorder

replies: 4

Hi All - Just joined this forum and thought I would see if there anyone else that relates to my situation. I experienced anxiety for the first time at 18 years old after big nights out on alcohol, I would wake up early in the morning with racing thou... View more

Hi All - Just joined this forum and thought I would see if there anyone else that relates to my situation. I experienced anxiety for the first time at 18 years old after big nights out on alcohol, I would wake up early in the morning with racing thoughts, panicky feelings of being unsafe and would often turn up at my fathers house just to feel safe/secure until the bad feelings subsided. This feeling continued every time i drank alcohol and using party drugs and by 21 I was a full blown alcoholic who drank almost daily as I couldn't cope with the terror of coming down off alcohol. Luckily I ended up in AA and have not had a drink for 7 years now. My anxiety has remarkably improved since, However, some of the panic/anxiety has stayed. About every 6 months I have a severe panic attack where I feel very very un safe, terrified, impending doom, like i am dying or I am losing my mind/going to go crazy (I have a huge fear of going crazy). This lasts about 2-3 days and is really terrifying, at the time I am convinced I will feel that way forever and obsess over how i will live my life or look after my children with the panic and million thoughts a second running through my head. It always gets better though and after a week or 2 I am back to myself. The things that have happened right before the panic attacks have come over the last few years are: Each time i move house, go on holidays, take time off work, start a new job, when i had a baby. I had a big breakdown last year just from going overseas and went mad trying to get home to familiarity. When im in this state I feel quite detached from who I normally am and desperately seek out familiar people and places. Does anyone have similar experience? I am glad since i quit drinking that these attacks are only 1-3 times a year but its still very debilitating and can take weeks to get back on track each time.

Anxiety/ OCD Really fast heart rate constantly

replies: 7

Hello Everyone i'm new to this forum and would like to give a brief history about myself i am currently 18 and have suffered from anxiety and depression since 11, i started to developed OCD since 15 at first it was just repeating things and thoughts ... View more

Hello Everyone i'm new to this forum and would like to give a brief history about myself i am currently 18 and have suffered from anxiety and depression since 11, i started to developed OCD since 15 at first it was just repeating things and thoughts so bad stuff don't happen, but since 16 years old it develop to intrusive thoughts with many themes throughout or multiple theme at once over the last 2 years. I took medication since 14 and it helped a lot but after 4 years it stopped working, so i stop taking them now for 4 months now (tried to withdrawal many times but failed during the 4 years). Now my Anxiety and OCD is bad and one of my main theme now is my Heart, it happen 3 weeks ago when i recovered from a cold but still had a cough, i was playing video games then suddenly my heart started racing for no reason i panicked and tested my heart rate it was 140 so i panicked even more and since that day my heart rate has not dropped below 100 mostly around 100-130 and i constantly keep thinking and feel about my heart everyday and when i start thinking about it gets worse and now i don't know what to do could it be a serious heart problem, chest infection(cough is a dry cough with some white phlegm and annoying chest feeling) or anxiety because right now i'm experience the worst stress possible from OCD such as repeating every action and constantly facing intrusive thoughts, anxiety about going out of my house because of the heart problem and really low self -esteem which causes my to feel worthless and depressed, i never had a moment were i'm stress free for 2 years now and don't know what to do anymore i cant deal with all these problem anymore and they keep snowballing everyday especially the heart fear. Thanks for reading this and sorry if i have grammar or spelling mistake.

Needing to vent a little...

replies: 3

I'm sitting in bed with my laptop, it's 1:25am and I have work early tomorrow morning, but I can't sleep. I just spent the last two hours pacing my room, going over things, and talking to myself. I felt fine like that. Nothing felt wrong. Until I rea... View more

I'm sitting in bed with my laptop, it's 1:25am and I have work early tomorrow morning, but I can't sleep. I just spent the last two hours pacing my room, going over things, and talking to myself. I felt fine like that. Nothing felt wrong. Until I realized what I was doing. Now I'm crying and upset with myself. I feel defective. Like this is never going to end. Like I'm always going to be doing these not normal things. Even when I think I'm fine. I just want quiet. I want my head to be quiet. Just for like an hour. I want to be normal. I want to be like everyone else.

Entering the workforce with social anxiety

replies: 3

I have severe social anxiety. I'm 24 and just finished a Bachelors degree and I'm looking very hard for a job. In the past three months I have applied for positions that were relevant to my study, as well as positions that I think I can do, from jobs... View more

I have severe social anxiety. I'm 24 and just finished a Bachelors degree and I'm looking very hard for a job. In the past three months I have applied for positions that were relevant to my study, as well as positions that I think I can do, from jobs at McDonalds to office work and even work at home jobs. So far I've gotten one reply and one phone interview which I didn't do well in because I am still unemployed. The phone interview was terrible, I just felt like I was so fake and nervous, it was horrible. So now I'm still searching and every day I feel like my chance of getting a job and being a real adult is getting less and less. Every single job wants someone who can communicate well, be good with people, even the jobs that don't require experience need these skills. I just don't know what to do anymore I feel absolutely useless and genuinely think I won't ever get a job, ANY job. I'm stressed out of my mind, my parents think I'm a failure, I'm terrified of going to Christmas cause I don't want to explain to everyone why I don't have a job, why I'm the only person out of the whole family that can't get one. I can't go out of the house by myself, I can't go and buy milk without getting extremely anxious, I can't talk to people at all, face to face, or on the phone. I live in a share house and I can't even go out into the kitchen and make food when I know people are there. I feel like it is destroying my life. How am I ever supposed to get any kind of job if I can't even talk to people? How am I supposed to do well in an interview ever?? People just tell me, "Oh once you do it it'll be fine" but I've never had a good interview experience. I even got a job once through a friend, working at Dick Smith and after the first day I came home and sat in the shower and cried. That happened every day I worked and I only lasted a week before I had to quit, not just for my mental health but they would have fired me eventually - can't have someone like me in a sales position. So now I'm lost and confused. I should probably get help for my anxiety but I don't know where to start or if it will even do anything, that's if I can even afford it. I don't know if anyone can help me on here but I thought if I wrote this all down I would feel a bit better about it all but honestly I think it just made me feel worse.

My Anxiety and My Boss (long post)

replies: 2

Over a year ago I finally disclosed to my boss about my anxiety (and depression). And asked for different working hours. (Although not in the same conversation- to make a long story short- I kind of let things out in bits and pieces about my mental h... View more

Over a year ago I finally disclosed to my boss about my anxiety (and depression). And asked for different working hours. (Although not in the same conversation- to make a long story short- I kind of let things out in bits and pieces about my mental health and then came out and said it, then asked to talk to my boss and discussed working different hours). My boss did work out hours that I am quiet happy with (which is really good). Now the reason for my post...sometimes I wish I hadn't said anything. Even though I think I get a bit more consideration now (sometimes) and I have hours that suit my mental health needs better; I feel- I just don't know how to explain it. My boss asks me lots of things about how I'm going with getting myself help etc and to be honest I just don't want to talk about it. I have tried psychologists and haven't found it helpful and medication and had BAD side effects. And at this point in time just don't want to do any of that. I've gotten really good after years of anxiety and depression of 'managing' my life in a way that I can get by. But I feel as if she doesn't approve of that. Even though I still do my job well. She also asks me things like if that situation made you anxious how would you get through etc, what did you do, what about this. And while it's not an everyday thing or even every week. I'd rather not talk about it unless it is directly related to my job (which it isn't) or I bring it up. And there is one thing that has weighed heavy on me for a while now. She once said to me that (I'm guessing because of my disclosure about anxiety and depression) that I make her feel like she's got to walk around on eggshells so she doesn't upset me. This did upset me a lot. First of all I worry so much about how I make others feel. Because I never want people to feel the way I feel I feel. I came out and told her so she would understand me more and why I am the way I am etc. I was trying to finally after years and years to help myself. Not trying to make things hard for her. I can't help these illnesses. I wasn't trying to upset anyone. And second it made me feel like she was taking my health issues that I have to fight every single second of the day to get through and making it a thing about how hard it is for her. Sorry I know it's not a big thing. I just feel like I have opened a 'can of worms' by bringing up in the first place. Just wanted to vent and talk to someone about it. Thanks

Physical symptoms need advice please?

replies: 7

I'm hopeful that someone can relate to me and give me some advice? I have ocd a business and 3 kids but I'm managing my ocd much better this year than previous. This year has been stressfull but I proud of how I've coped. For years I've suffered numb... View more

I'm hopeful that someone can relate to me and give me some advice? I have ocd a business and 3 kids but I'm managing my ocd much better this year than previous. This year has been stressfull but I proud of how I've coped. For years I've suffered numbness in my face and hands doc has always said stress and anxiety caused and I've been happy to agree. Last 4 months things have gotten much worse pins and needles all down my arms waking me at night my legs do the same pins and needles for hours during the day hard to walk. Or my feet feel like in bucket of ice even with socks and slippers or they can be hot and swollen am exhausted and there is a list of other things happening I went to gp when was having bad day she did some tests reduced sensation and reflex and weakness she sent me to nuro when sore nuro was good day symptom free she did number of test everything normal so she said it's stress causing the problem cronic fatigue or fibromyalgia I should take a holiday. Not sure what to do I understand stress does strange things to your body and I'm happy to accept that I'm just struggling to understand how I would have reduced sensation and reflexes. Also heat makes it worse hot day or hot shower. But I understand if was medical wouldn't be ok on good days. It's just my stress management has been better so why this happening? Anyways I've just rambled if anyone can understand what I've written and pdjatd to me I'd love to hear from you?

Pinned discussions

Hi! Check out this post if you're not sure how to start

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All discussions

OCD thoughts/habits - Is it because I am a bad person?

replies: 19

OCD scary thoughts and anxiety - need help!

replies: 6

Why me????? I hate OCD!!!

replies: 31

not sure if this is anxiety

replies: 4

First Time Posting - Panic/Anxiety Disorder

replies: 4

Anxiety/ OCD Really fast heart rate constantly

replies: 7

Needing to vent a little...

replies: 3

Entering the workforce with social anxiety

replies: 3

My Anxiety and My Boss (long post)

replies: 2

Physical symptoms need advice please?

replies: 7

Anxiety

Hi! Check out this post if you're not sure how to start replies: 0

OCD thoughts/habits - Is it because I am a bad person? replies: 19

OCD scary thoughts and anxiety - need help! replies: 6

Why me????? I hate OCD!!! replies: 31

not sure if this is anxiety replies: 4

First Time Posting - Panic/Anxiety Disorder replies: 4

Anxiety/ OCD Really fast heart rate constantly replies: 7

Needing to vent a little... replies: 3

Entering the workforce with social anxiety replies: 3

My Anxiety and My Boss (long post) replies: 2

Physical symptoms need advice please? replies: 7

Hi! Check out this post if you're not sure how to start

replies: 0

OCD thoughts/habits - Is it because I am a bad person?

replies: 19

OCD scary thoughts and anxiety - need help!

replies: 6

Why me????? I hate OCD!!!

replies: 31

not sure if this is anxiety

replies: 4

First Time Posting - Panic/Anxiety Disorder

replies: 4

Anxiety/ OCD Really fast heart rate constantly

replies: 7

Needing to vent a little...

replies: 3

Entering the workforce with social anxiety

replies: 3

My Anxiety and My Boss (long post)

replies: 2

Physical symptoms need advice please?

replies: 7