Mum acting to me like everything is my fault

[Terminator_chick]

So this has been going on and off for a few days now, I've had 4 marjor brain surgeries it affects my life a lot, my mum gave up her career to look after me and sometimes she says I gave up my career for you she says it like it's my fault, she's been calling me a bitch for no reason, she's been very mad at me for no reason it's just her behaviour, when she has an argument with me she always finds a way to win and finds ways to put me down a lot. This is getting to a point now where I'm just gonna lose it and just run away, she's been treating me like shit lately and I don't know what's going on in her life but I hate it when she takes it out on me. I feel like such a burden to her :,(

[quirkywords]

Chick,

Thanks for your post.

I am wondering if there is someone at your school , like a trusted teacher or counsellor you can talk to.

I assume your mum does not know you are on this forum.

I wonder if there is an adult, an uncle or aunt or cousin who knows your situation who could help. Maybe some one in the medical profession you can trust and maybe could talk to your mum.

Quirky

[Terminator_chick]

There is counsellors at my school sometimes they are helpful sometimes I go and talk to them so they listen and I have someone to talk to.

i think I could talk to my Aunty and stay the night at hers but sometimes she tells my mum stuff I tell her so I'm hoping she doesn't tell my mum.

[Terminator_chick]

I just spoke to my mum about going to counselling together given what we have been through and she says she's fine she asked me if I want to I told her I'm ok but I'm considering going to youth focus. And that moving around and doing things help her to cope with what's going on with everything and that she's fine she doesn't need to talk to anyone and she said she can handle it herself

She said she hates seeing me in pain everyday and it's hard for her to see the pain I'm in and sometimes that shit gets to her a lot. So now I now why she gets so angry sometimes but it still doesn't explain why she blames me sometimes

[TessT]

It sounds like it is her way of coping. She's not really blaming you, she just doesn't know how else to handle her emotions.
When my father was ill, my mother was constantly at my dad, blaming him for everything, blowing him up when dad couldn't help it, he was ill.
What it was was that mum was highly stressed. She didn't know how to cope. It was too much for her. She needed respite but she wouldn't go on a holiday without her husband.
It didn't mean that mum didn't love dad. It didn't mean that dad did wrong. It was just that it was too much for mum to handle.
My dad handled it by keeping quiet, not saying anything and most importantly, not taking it on board. He just let mum get it out of her system.

[quirkywords]

TessT, you explained that's so well. You have such insight and explained it so clearly about how your mother coped with your father's illness. Thanks you for sharing that as I am sure it would help a lot of people.

Chick, I am so pleased you had a chat to your mum and she could explain how she was feeling. As Tess writes, your mum is not blaming you but she is so overwhelmed with emotions of seeing you in pain, that she does not know what do with all these uncomfortable feelings so sometimes she blames you as a way to cope.

Take care

Quirky

[amanda_brown]

My mum and I have a distant relationship and I feel for you. I don't know what the solution is but for me the only thing that worked was to move away from her and take everything out that reminded me of her. When I have to see her I just keep conversation to basic "hi/bye" or small talk so she doesn't get angry. It must be hard on the both of you, sounds like you need a respite from each other, maybe seek a carer from an agency or support place? See what's out there, even if it's just a day here or there to take the pressure off. Hope things improve for you 🙂

[Terminator_chick]

Thankyou so much that helped me a lot understand better 🙂

[Terminator_chick]

Thankyou so much for the advice it helped me a lot 🙂

[Terminator_chick]

Thanks 🙂 I'm actually thinking about spending some weekends at my aunts house my grandmas house or any of my friends house just to take a break for a little while

[quirkywords]

Chick

I am glad you have a plan that will give you a break. Let us know how you go.

Quirky