Why am I always so sad

[SteelinMyLegs]

Hey I am 15 years old and in year 10 at the moment and I can't find any happiness or joy in life, wherever I am, I always feel so dull and alone and everything I see or think about just makes me more depressed. I used to be a really sporty and active person but I had surgery on both my legs (femoral derotation osteotomy) and it limited a lot of what I can do even when I am seven months into recovery, I sometimes feel the old pain I had the surgery to remove and it only lowers my outlook on life more. Most of the time I wonder what really is my purpose in life, I feel like nothing, most of the time helpless, and I just want all my problems to leave me alone, I did have severe depression in the early stages of my surgery but I got rid of it for a little while, but it keeps coming back.

I have moved schools this year because I was having difficulty at my old one, and I have made new friends but I can never find happiness being around them, most of the time I want to isolate myself and be alone and not talk to anyone, even when they are nice and inviting to me. I feel like I always have to put up a wall to hide my feelings inside, I always have to smile and be happy, when really I want to run away and cry. School, I feel is a miserable place for me, it gives me anxiety with assignments and puts pressure on me to be friendly and make friends.

The only things that help relieve me from the sadness is consuming myself with tv shows and writing long assignments, because I become so focused on them I forget about everything else, but when I finish everything just hits me again and it gets really overwhelming.

[demonblaster]

Hi SteelinMyLegs's welcome to BB

Ahh you've gone/are going through a lot. Big changes for you which can be unsettling, understandable you're feeling lost and down.

I know how it is to feel this way at your age for different reasons, this can change

Hun I'm hoping you have a good relationship with your parents and wondering if you feel you could open up to them to how you're feeling. They'd want to know and can help you with support and understanding with knowing I imagine.

Very glad to hear your new schools going well in that you have nice friends, hun I know you feel like you need to put a face on but maybe talking to 1 or 2 of your friends could help and support helps no end. How do you feel about talking to a school counsellor too. It really is better to get this pain out its too much to carry alone.

I feel hope for you because you managed to pull up from depression earlier, if you can remember what you did could help for now too.

I think try not to be to hard on yourself darlin you do have a lot of change to go tnrough and you're still healing. This all takes time and in time things change as already you have new school and new friends.

Are you able to be in the water at some point would give you more movement and out of the house for a while.

Don't know if drawing interests you but reminded when you mentioned assignments keeping your mind busy, with drawing it can be release as well. Doesnt matter if you're not Van Gogh, its connecting feelings to paper

Hope to hear how you're going when and if you want to talk more

Wishing you well darl ☺

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to BB.

Sorry to hear about pain and suffering you are going through presently. I think that changing schools can be hard enough but with the extra that you have gone through. I am a parent of 2 teens, one in grade 10 and the other in grade 12.

I would hope to start with a few question...

- I assume that you parents know what you are going through? If not, that would be a place to start? As a parent, if my children were suffering then I would like to know and then determine course of action to take.

- are you able to speak with one the teachers or counselor at school?

- if those options are not available, maybe try reaching out to the kidshelpline on 1800 55 1800

- if you have a phone, you could download/install smiling minds app which was developed with young people in mind.

The starting point you is a discussion with someone about what you are going through. Above all, be honest with whoever you talk to. The fact that you have started a conversation here is good. From a conversation with someone else the next step can be determined. Whether that is appointment with a GP... worry about that later. Baby steps right now.

[demonblaster]

Kids Helpline (for ages 5yrs -25 yrs 1800 551 800

You're very welcome anytime here and you might find above helpful too ☺

[zoltron]

Hello! I've been going through similar issues for the last two years (I'm in year 12 at the moment), but I found that last year was the worst for me. I isolated myself from my friends and just preferred to be alone all the time. I know now that that isn't great, it meant I was spending too much time wallowing in my depression and sadness. I still have terrible days, the last three weeks have been really difficult for me, my depression has gotten much worse and I just feel so hopeless.

I really feel for you, I have a sister around the same age as you and I would be devastated to find out she felt this way. Do you have siblings you're close to? You need to speak to someone, but I sometimes feel ashamed and embarrassed talking to my parents. I am not saying that you shouldn't talk to your parents, but find people you feel comfortable and safe with - like here! I've recently reached out to my year adviser at school and have been seeing an outside counsellor too. I've also found that journaling has helped because I love arty stuff and I enjoy spending time making it look nice. I really hope you can find someone to talk to.

Also, try to channel your focus on something you like, it doesn't have to be sport related. Watch some TV, do some drawing (I take Visual Arts as a subject and I cannot draw to save my life!!), do some journalling and make it look pretty. Whatever helps you channel your feelings into something creative you love.

Remember to love yourself and that there is always something to smile about. x

[demonblaster]

Hi SteelinMyLegs and everyone 🙂 I hope your days are looking brighter and the pains starting to subside.

zoltron Hi and welcome, just wanted to say what a lovely compassionate helpful post and sorry you too are struggling good to hear last yr was worse no that didn't come out right, that this yr is better.

Wishing you all the best and have faith in time it does change our situations eventually

Wolfy I must have been posting at the same time as you 🙂