Loneliness and Depression. Am I doomed to be forever alone?

[Strummer]

For the past year and a half I've struggled with depression and the most intense feeling I've felt throughout the whole thing is loneliness.

My family knows I am depressed and they know that I seek help from at a Headspace centre. Despite this, I sometimes feel I do not have their support in this. My brother and sister promised me five months ago that they would constantly check on me, and my brother has only done so a handful of times (he is overseas) and my sister has not even checked up on me and asked how I am doing. My parents tell me that I can come to them with anything, but I feel so uncomfortable talking to them about mental health, because my parents are quite old-fashioned and do not have a real understanding of it. Also in the past when I open up to them, I feel my dad turns it on me and makes me feel like all that is happening is my fault, making me feel worse. Furthermore, when they say to me 'Strummer, you can come to us with anything' I know they are lying. My brother once told my parents something concerning his sexuality, and a few months later, they kicked him out of the house. I have similar secret I hide from my religious parents (I have become a non-believer) and I know if I told them that, something similar would happen.

None of my friends know I have depression. I wanted to tell one of them for so long, but like my parents, I feel uncomfortable talking about mental health with them. The other day though, I tried talking to one of my friends about a sadness I felt, but he completely ignored it and talked about what he was doing instead. That hurt me bad, because it made me feel like no one on this planet wants to hear my issues.

My loneliness mainly stems from my interests and thoughts. During this struggle, I have become a more introspective person, able to see society from an outsider's perspective. All these thoughts and ideas buzz inside of me, and I have no one to share them with. Also, my interests do not resonate with any of my friends and family, especially my passion for music and my taste in musical genres.

All this has made me fear that in life, I will never connect with someone deeply and intimately. I will never have someone to pour my heart out to, or have my interests resonated with. I feel that I will never form a fathomless relationship with someone, and I am forever going to be exiled behind the invisible brick wall that cuts me off from everyone else.

How do I fight all these feelings?

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

I am only new to this forum, as it was only about a month ago when I decided that I needed help and I couldn't cope on my own.

I have a method of coping with anxiety that I have mentioned in a few of my posts, but as you said, we haven't crossed paths before so you may not have seen it. I find it helps when I get anxious about small things.

Construct a table with four columns. In the first column, write the heading Situation. In the next, write Emotions/Feelings. In the third, Thoughts, and in the fourth, Alternative Thoughts. Under Situation, write the situation or thing that is making you anxious. In Emotions/Feelings, write down how this situation makes you feel and how your body reacts to that physically (e.g sweating, shaking, hyperventilating, crying etc). Under Thoughts, write down the intrusive/anxious thoughts. Finally, under Alternative Thoughts, write down any thoughts that don't make you anxious that you could think instead.

Here is an example of the 'Thought Table' I did. Sorry it isn't in table form as I couldn't post it like that, but you should get the picture.

Situation: I missed the bus

Emotions/Feelings: Scared, upset, anxious, nervous, sweating, sick feeling in my stomach, dread.

Thoughts: Dad will be mad, I will be late to school.

Alternative Thoughts: Dad will drive me, it's not the end of the world if I miss the bus, at least I will get a seat if my Dad drives me.

Hope this works for you.

Chloe

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe,

Thanks for the explanation, you did that extremely well! I will try that later and see what comes up when I relate it to my study and my depression in general.

It does help to have tools and strategies we can fall back on and use.

I decided to do some study early this morning and then spent some time out in the garden watering. Now it is too hot out there for my liking. I am so over our S.A. summer! Ha. Ha. Rain would be lovely.

Hope you have some nice things planned for the weekend.

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi again Strummer,

Just another message to say HI and to hope you are doing okay!

Have you met Chloe before Strummer? Chloe has written an excellent example of one way to deal with issues. Maybe you could use it when considering family concerns.

Sometimes it is interesting to let the mind wander on the Alternative Thoughts section and see what you come up with.

Cheers from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

Your welcome!

I find this method of coping helps me change my way of thinking. My dad tells me to think not 'what if' but 'what is' when I'm anxious. For example, if I get into a thought spiral about missing the bus, I try and not think 'what if' (what if I miss it, what if its broken down etc), but 'what is' (the bus is a few minutes late).

Its a nice temperature over here in NSW! Hope you get some rain soon- it would be good for that garden of yours! I'm actually about to go to the movies with my friend- we are going to see 'Love Simon'. I think after watching it, I will maybe have a better understanding of LGBTQI+ people. Then I can help more haha!

Have a good weekend,

Chloe

[Chloe_M]

Hey Strummer,

Hope you're doing okay. Remember that even if you fell like you are alone, you're not. We are all here to help you. Have a good weekend.

xx Chloe_M

[smallwolf]

(Just about to go make lunch after starting an assignment, and I found thread and noticed the posted by the Chloe...)

What you were describing looks very similar to REBT (Rational emotive behavior therapy) which is something that my psych had me do for homework. I have to admit that I sometimes still struggle with working out the alternative thoughts. To make the process easier I found an "app" called MoodTools which includes a thought diary that allow you do that all that via your phone. It also includes examples of what you enter into each section. Saves paper, and you have a permanent record if all entries.

On the CBT not helping... My psych uses that. I tick all the boxes for cognitive disorders. It is not something that can be fixed overnight. It takes perseverance. It is a bit like meditation. You think that it is just focusing on something and then closing eyes (?) and breathing. These things all take time and practice. One of my issue is an all-or-nothing view to "things". One way around this to create mini-milestones. Another cognitive disorder is "catastrophizing", and my homework between now and my next session is "de-catastrophizing".

Lastly, for me, I need to empty my brain if I want a good nights rest. Nothing worse than trying to go to sleep with the worries of the day still floating around in your mind. So here, I use a couple of apps recommended by psych which include meditations which do that job for me. If I focus on what the guided meditation is telling me, the thoughts from the day appear to go away .... or at least until after wake up and go back to work (the next day).

Hope this helps. Peace.

[Chloe_M]

Hey smallwolf,

Thanks for that post! That app sounds way easier than writing it all down. I'll check it out and download it.

When I was younger, my parents made me do guided meditation to help relax my mind. It didn't work, but I'm willing to try it again as that was a long time ago.

I'm going to see a GP soon to get a referral to a psych, and on Monday I'm going to see the school counsellor. I'm really nervous, but i think the sooner I talk to someone (a professional, really), the sooner I can get better!

Have a good weekend!

Chloe

[Your_Friend1]

Hi Strummer,

I can see that a lot of people have given you some

good advice about your situation, so I won't be adding any.

Instead, I'd like to tell you that you're not alone in your struggle.

I too can relate to your feeling of isolation and hopelessness.

I can relate to the sadness that ensues when you realise deep and genuine

connections are very hard to cultivate.

I am in that same boat. I hope, that by telling you this I can help alleviate

that feeling of total isolation. You are not alone. I feel your pain too. You're

current state isn't your fault or an indication of a fault in you. Its a challenge

life has given you and its one many share. Be strong, and I hope you will grow

to be free from this suffering.

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

There have been some really great points made here by everyone. I really do hope Strummer that you are still around and having a read of what has been written here.

Chloe, your parents sound very wise and helpful! I really like WHAT IS instead of WHAT IF. That makes a lot of sense to me. I also hope you manage to make some appointments and receive the guidance and help you require.

It is interesting to me that I can read or be told stuff that will help me, but for some reason I have trouble understanding it or putting it into practise. Sometimes it all makes sense and I wonder why it took me so long to be able to accept that concept and put it into practice!

Guess that is what learning is all about!

Cheers all from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Hi all,

I just had my first session with my school counsellor. He gave me some info on why people have anxiety and psychology and stuff like that. I was really nervous at the start, but I warmed up and overall it was a really good experience.To everyone who is scared to talk to their school counsellor- don't worry, it might start of scary but trust me, it gets better!

This Saturday was the first time I've been out of the house (apart from going to dance or school). My mum and I are going out tonight to the city. I feel like I am making really slow progress.

I downloaded an app called 'Calm'- it costs $54.99 for a year but if you get the 'lite' version its free. It has mindullness meditation courses on their that I started yesterday. I also downloaded 'ReachOut Breathe' and 'ReachOut Worrytime'. They all really help.

Hope that helped anyone- I would have posted it on my 'Advice for seeking pro help' thread but its magically disappeared haha! Anyone know what might have happened?

Chloe 🙂