Feeling like a social outcast at school

Liam007 · ‎08-10-2014

Hi All,

This is my first post here and I'm fairly new to this forum.

I apologise if this story is long, I need to list everything

My name is Liam and I'm a 17 year old high school student, I'm in Year 12 at the time of writing this post.

I have the problem of not seeing the good in my self, I basically feel like a failure. I was always the quiet kid at school (this was back in 2010) I tried to fix this in 2011 but it didn't go well so in 2012 and 2013 I was in TOTAL FEAR of speaking up or introducing myself to anyone. I used to love creative arts but didn't want to share them out of fear I would be laughed at.

In 2014, I felt I finally started gaining confidence. I was getting good marks from my teachers and felt I was making legit friends but then....

I was walking out to lunch one day and one of the groups was sitting in one of the classrooms (they were doing rehearsals for something, can't recall) but anyway I actually overheard them and they were basically saying "I was a weirdo" They were lying to me and only pretending to like me.

Since then my confidence and self esteem JUST CRASHED. I ended up saying really cruel things about myself:

"I hate myself", "I could not show up and no one would give a crap!" "I'm a worthless failure"

and just never believing ANYTHING nice, good and kind anyone had to say about me. I basically started to feel my reports were all just lies and the teachers were just exaggerating their good comments.

Which now brings me to this forum, I now feel lost and have no idea where to go from here.

Is there anything I can do to ease up on myself? Should I ease up?

Thank you, Liam

Liam007 · ‎04-11-2014

Thanks Mrs.Dools

The appointment was the only good part of my day.

My toxic friend now hates my guts and has deleted me off Facebook. I think he will never speak to me again. I'm feeling awful at the moment I'm afraid. We were best pals since Year 7. I feel like it's all my fault, I feel like everyone at school hates my guts. I feel like I'm worth knowing anyway, people don't care about the real me at all.

Sorry to end on a negative note, I'm just hoping that headspace can help out.

Of course everyone here has been GREAT!, I love it on this forum.

Liam

dougall · ‎05-11-2014

Hi Liam thanks for the photo, what kind of paint do you use and do you varnish it also? Glad you felt you got to say what you really wanted to say, was thinking about you. Going to the shops to see if I can find some clay, maybe Bunnings do it. Have a good day.

Liam007 · ‎05-11-2014

Dougall

Just regular acrylic paint, never varnished any of them. Not sure how to do that.

Thanks, I should hopefully hear back during next week

Liam

dougall · ‎05-11-2014

Hi Liam with school friends, best friends I find that it is hard to understand them. My son was bullied in junior school by two boys who were a lot bigger than him. Now he is in high school those same two boys are his friends, would not say best but they still are people he hangs out with. What I am getting at is people go through their own problems and sometimes it is easier to blame someone else that actually acknowledge it is your problem. If he is a good friend then he will be a friend again. As for everyone hating you at school you must go to a very small school. It is over thinking things that makes us blame ourselves and not realize that other people have a part in the blame also. For instance an argument takes two people, a conversation takes two people, so many things cannot be blamed just on yourself. As for facebook I cannot write what I think of facebook they would not print it. I find it is taking away peoples ability to communicate face to face and be able to understand body language also there is far too much personal information shared. This maybe because of not seeing the other persons reaction. I do not like facebook or other forums where people think they can say whatever they want and don't care if it hurts. Sorry so angry. My daughter was on it and the amount of information she gave out and some of the comments she got back I was astounded. Anyway now you know my opinion of facebook. When you are any age losing a friend whether toxic or not hurts, we have all been there and shouting out to you we are your friends and we are here for you.

Liam007 · ‎05-11-2014

we have all been there and shouting out to you we are your friends and we are here for you

Thank you,that means so much to me. 🙂

I feel like everyone hates me because of the mistakes I make and just my overall intelligence , I'm not a math genius at all. I feel dumb at times because some of the screw ups I make.I don't see myself as a success, my visual arts teacher was talking about students getting OnStage nominations and going into Art Express!. "That so won't be me" I said. I feel like I'm doomed to fail wherever I go. We get our school reports soon....I'll see how that goes.

Thanks will keep in touch Liam

ReeBecca · ‎05-11-2014

Hi Liam,

It has been a while since I was 17 (I'm 30) but I still remember how hard it was to be your age dealing with low self esteem. The difference is I wasn't strong enough to realise I didn't have to be peer pressured into things like drinking and such. You sound like such a lovely and mature young person. While it is hard to think of the positives about yourself at the moment try to think of some of the things you can be proud of. You are intelligent and getting good grades, you're smart enough to be you're own person, not giving in to the pressure to drink or whatever like others. That's fantastic because when you are feeling the way you do about yourself drinking will only lead to you doing things you regret.

High school is really tough and people are horrible and anyone who is slightly different is targeted. But I promise after high school none of that matters. People grow up and that nastiness fades away as people mature.

You have a lot to be proud of and just try to remember that what others think doesn't matter. Others have their own insecurities that they are probably struggling with too which makes them behave the way they do.

It sounds like you are on the right track to getting help though so I have no doubt you'll start to see the good in your self soon. Wishing you all the best.

Liam007 · ‎06-11-2014

Hi ReeBecca,

About the grades, I actually got my end of Year 11 report today and well...

It's okay. Not the greatest but not the worst. I'm basically middle ground, I feel like I did worse though. I didn't speak much at all and they wrote things like "Approaches class tasks well" and "Should be pleased with progress made". I can't tell what progress I made. I also got a merit award for an excellent personal profile but the report is seriously average. They're other students who I'm sure would have gotten that award that didn't. What did I do that they didn't??

I agree with you about the drinking, despite never wanting to do it. Now is especially not the time to do it!

Cheers, Liam

Liam007 · ‎07-11-2014

Hi all just a quick update,
Should be getting a call from headspace after the weekend to get counseling and good timing to....

I think I've been hit by Year 12 nerves, I've officially started year 12 and this time next year I will have sat my HSC. I feel like the HSC is a disaster waiting to happen, I feel like I will mess it up. I want a HSC to open more doors but I feel like I'm putting myself through so much rubbish for it. I almost want to quit, but I fight on and just feel worse and worse.

Im also worried that I look unsympathetic, again I sound entirely negative but that's because I just want to be 100% honest. I'm truly trying to fix this buts an extremely long and tough progress at the moment

I'm going costume shopping for the school play tomorrow, that should be good.

Take care everyone

Doolhof · ‎10-11-2014

Hi Liam,

Tell us about the costume you have bought for the school play. What is the play about? What is your character? Do you have a large speaking part? How many people are in the play and who will the play be put on for?

Hope the counselling with Head Space goes well. Take on board all they tell you and try to use the new skills and guidance the offer you. The more we practise something the easier it becomes.

You wrote that you have now officially started Year 12! Don't they have summer holidays any more? We used to have 8 weeks when I was at school because we only had three terms of school.

What I am getting at, is that you have a whole bunch of holidays ahead of you before you even reach year 12.

So why not enjoy yourself, forget about schooling for a while and have some fun!

Make a list of activities you might like to do or try during the holidays. Even if you don't get to do them, making a list can be fun and will get you thinking positively.

For example, here are 10 things I would love to do but may never have the opportunity to do so:

Swim with dolphins

Ride a Harley Davidson

Feed some sharks

Bungee jumping

Climb Uluru

Work in an overseas orphanage for a month

Visit Matchpitchu (or how ever you spell it)

Go white water rafting

Take a road trip with girlfriends

Take two weeks off work just to be creative

I might not ever achieve any of these things, but I can dream about them. I can also make up a list of things I might be able to do relating to these things.

Open up your mind, try to forget the negative stuff for a while and consider the possibilities that are open to you.

From Mrs. Dools

Doolhof · ‎10-11-2014

Here's a little challenge for you Liam,

Make a list of 10 dreams you have, then create a list of ten things you can actually do during your holidays.

It will be great to see your lists!

I need to head off now, but will think about ten things I can do in the next few weeks.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools