Feeling like a social outcast at school

[Liam007]

Hi All,

 This is my first post here and I'm fairly new to this forum.

I apologise if this story is long, I need to list everything

My name is Liam and I'm a 17 year old high school student, I'm in Year 12 at the time of writing this post.

I have the problem of not seeing the good in my self, I basically feel like a failure. I was always the quiet kid at school (this was back in 2010) I tried to fix this in 2011 but it didn't go well so in 2012 and 2013 I was in TOTAL FEAR of speaking up or introducing myself to anyone. I used to love creative arts but didn't want to share them out of fear I would be laughed at.

In 2014, I felt I finally started gaining confidence. I was getting good marks from my teachers and felt I was making legit friends but then....

 I was walking out to lunch one day and one of the groups was sitting in one of the classrooms (they were doing rehearsals for something, can't recall) but anyway I actually overheard them and they were basically saying "I was a weirdo" They were lying to me and only pretending to like me.

Since then my confidence and self esteem JUST CRASHED. I ended up saying really cruel things about myself:

"I hate myself", "I could not show up and no one would give a crap!" "I'm a worthless failure"

and just never believing ANYTHING nice, good and kind anyone had to say about me.  I basically started to feel my reports were all just lies and the teachers were just exaggerating their good comments.

 Which now brings me to this forum, I now feel lost and have no idea where to go from here.

Is there anything I can do to ease up on myself? Should I ease up?

Thank you, Liam

[Liam007]

I'm not sure about selling at markets, I couldn't make them fast enough and I'm just not the sort of person who could not decide what price to sell them for! Plus I couldn't imagine getting rid of them.

Anyway I mentioned earlier that I'm see a headspace counselor tomorrow, I'm just trying to figure out in dot points what to say and how I tell my whole story. In a sentence it can be summed up as:

" I feel like I'm not fitting in at my school, I have a constant fear that everyone I talk to hates me, this leads to me having negative emotions about myself such as viewing myself as a failure or worthless" I'm feeling a bit of anxiety, I just hope I can say everything in a smooth transition. I'll keep you posted.

Liam

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

Wishing you all the best for your appointment tomorrow!

From Mrs. Dools

[dougall]

Hi Liam don't worry about how you say things just blurt it out that is what they are there for to listen and it does not matter what you say or how you say it just as long as they listen.  It is like anything we plan and plan and when the time comes we are that nervous we sometimes forget things and afterwards think oh I should have said this or that.  Silly statement don't worry because that is exactly what we do.  If you over think things another silly statement, full of them this morning.  Maybe if you make a list of just one word i.e. anxiety, fear, bullying,fitting in, worthlessness, lack of support,advice.  Just a thought.  I am one of those people once I start talking I keep going as I don't like the awkward silence you get sometimes.  You will do great I have every faith in you.

[NicoleP]

Hi Liam

Thinking of you today. Just say what you feel and let the professional do the rest.

Kezza xx

[Liam007]

Hi again Kezza and Mrs.Dools,

I'm feeling nervous at the moment and need to say a few things before I go

I think theres going to be some tears from my side when I go in there but don't worry the worst thing I have done whilst being upset is curse. No punching or drinking from me!

I still really hope I can say everything I want to say to the point where everything goes on track, I find it diffcult to to state when i feel a conversation has gone off track and want to get back to what's actually bothering me.

It happened once before, I went from talking about having no self respect to my diabetes and talked about the later more. I didn't have the confidence to say "This is not really the problem, the problem is...."

I can't come back to the site until after the appointment so I'll post a bit later tonight,

Don't worry you will hear from me again and I'll be sticking about 🙂

Take care and THANK YOU SO MUCH....Liam

[Liam007]

Hi Dougall,

Thanks I will keep that in my mind.

P.S I haven't noticed that I can chose a profile pic, might make it one of my sculptures just to show you 🙂

Cheers, Liam

[NicoleP]

That would be great to be able to see one of your sculptures!

[dougall]

Hi Liam would love to see one of your creations and it would give me an idea on what to do.

[Liam007]

Hi again

I set the profile picture, you should see a model of the Alamo soon, It was a famous fortress which was a part of a battle in 1836....now as for the appointment.

It was an interview with a case worker, just to get an understanding of what I'm feeling and going through. I felt like I got the main problem out there as it was really part of the questions. For example, "Do you feel like you are worthless sometimes?". I felt good coming out, mostly because I got most of what I wanted to say out. I'll be in touch with them over the following weeks. But in the meantime I will post here and continue to talk with you all!

Cheers, Liam

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

I'm so pleased the appointment went well for you, and you were able to get across how you were feeling and thinking.

Yes, do keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. We are all here for you, and even if we don't have the answers, we have the compassion, kindness, care and empathy to pass on to you.

Thanks for giving us a glimpse of your sculpturing using your profile picture. That is an excellent way for us to see some of your work!

I will have to ask my husband to help me set up a photo for my profile picture. I have no idea how to do such things! Ha. Ha.

So pleased the interview went well Liam.

Thinking of you, from Mrs. Dools