The constant grind.

Beaser · ‎18-06-2021

I sometimes get so tired from my constant battles at times its just so draining.Im 55 and i just want happines and have it last i just feel so tired at times. Im in a relationship that causes me so much anxiety at times as i dont know where i stand as i get pushed away at times and i just want a partner that i can be with when i need company. My partner has her trust issues as she has been treated badly and hurt by her past and i just seem to be constantly questioning my role and what i should do or say. Im just so confused. I hope every one is well out there and wish everyone all the best, Beaser.

Beaser · ‎07-07-2021

Hi and thanks again JT. Yeh i guess i have been through a lot be it of my own making by overthinking and and the load that ive carried with my depression and anxiety.Im actually proud of what ive got myself through. Ive tried to keep on top of things mostly by keeping fit via the gym and my football involvement..I have struggled to get back into if im honest ,after Victorias lockdowns re covid.Im going to try and get back to seeing my friends a bit more as ive put my time into those other things ive spoken about and i actually feel guilty about that but i think thats my depression kicking in .I was wondering if you felt like talking,how you overcome things and what you reccomend from your experiences. Thank you again. Brett.

jtjt_4862 · ‎08-07-2021

Hi Beaser,

Happy to hear from you again, hope your session with your psychologist went well. You've done really well by yourself reaching this far, and I believe you'll be able to do greater things for yourself as well. Catching up with friends sounds like a great idea, and there's no need to be feeling guilty for not catching up with your friends because of what you were going through during that time.

About a few months ago, I went through my first break up with a wonderful person who was going through her dark depression times. It was really hard for me to accept what has happened, and it had left me in a state of feeling lost / unwanted / unsure of who I am anymore. But I'm really grateful to have a wonderful support network of friends and family members, as well as the awesome BB Community. I've learned a lot from the break up experience, and currently working to improve myself so I can live a happier life. There are days where I'll miss my ex, or just a small grief moment of the wonderful times we had. But I'll remind myself that the past is the past, to accept the end of the relationship that I once had, and keep moving on. I've also learned about self-love, something which I've neglected for a very long time. I'm still learning to trust myself; trusting that I'll be able to handle anything that comes my way, while living and enjoying the moment (which I found it really helpful when my thoughts goes astray and I start to doubt myself). It's been a fun and interesting journey thus far.

As for my ex, I've learned to let her go. I understand she has her own battles to deal with, and I cannot force myself on her if she doesn't want me in her battles. The best I can do is to keep moving on with my own life, and be ready to support her if she ever comes back. I still do think about her some times, and hope she'll be able to resurface from her dark abyss eventually.

Recommendations... Love ourselves! Accept ourselves as the wonderful and unique person that we are today. Learn to trust in our in actions and decisions, and when life gives us lemons, we make lemonade out of it. But when life gives us something incredible, cherish it and enjoy the moment until it's time for it to leave (think of it as the sun, the sun rises to give us warmth, and eventually it'll have to set. But it'll come back tomorrow).

Hope that helps Brett, thank you for listening to me, and happy to chat with you more as well. I feel you're a great man Brett, and I believe in you!

Jt

Guest9337 · ‎08-07-2021

G'day Beaser,

Good on you for joining up and sharing your story here on beyondblue.

Us sporty people are often expected to be stoic or optimistic, just as a matter of course, or expected to share every little health issue with other sports club members - I found that pressure to share at my sport club uncomfortable.

People are being nice, but I'm like, no don't tell em about depression/anxiety, it's too embarrassing or too painful to recount. I went to the club to get away from such thoughts, to socialise and play the sport.

Good luck mate.

Beaser · ‎07-09-2021

Hi I hope everyone is going as best they can...

Im starting to find the constant grind of the last eighteen months really starting to wear me down. The lockdowns are getting harder and harder . One of the biggest problems is it makes every other thing seem so much bigger and harder to cope with. I have been involved in a new relationship in the last 12 months and that has been made so much harder by everything thats happening. Work is becoming harder and harder to cope with. I was wondering how my friends here were coping and ways they have gone about things. Thank you and my best wishes to everyone. Brett.

jtjt_4862 · ‎12-09-2021

Hi Beaser,

Happy to hear from you again, thank you for sharing your updates. The lockdowns certainly has been hard for a lot of us. Having no signs of when this would all end, or when will we at least be able to get some of our lives back again is a hard test of patience on all of us. I thought given how I love to be at home most of the time, the lockdown wouldn't affect me much. But I feel lockdown 6.0 in VIC is slowly creeping up on me. The feeling I would describe would be that feeling of someone constantly poking you gently, and you don't mind that at all. After awhile, you think to yourself "Alright, enough games, you can stop now", but the poking keeps coming, and you slowly feel irritated.

Though, I'm grateful for still having a job at full income and being able to work from home. Grateful for technology to help us stay connected during these weird awkward times where we cannot meet face to face in person. I'm also grateful for being able to live with my parents, and at least have someone to socialize with. I've found myself playing a lot of video games lately, because of the lockdown restrictions, and it's a joy to be able to explore games that I haven't had time for in the past. But even with all that, there are definitely days where you feel like doing something else outdoor; such as exploring different towns, hidden shops in the city etc. I feel sorry to a lot of business owners who have no other choice but to shut down their business because of the pandemic... I hope they're doing okay...

We'll just have to keep on going strong, and squeeze that creative juice out to adapt to the extended lockdown situation. Would you like to talk about how work has been harder to cope for you? Or how has your relationship been amidst the lockdown? Happy to listen to you Brett.

Jt

Beaser · ‎20-09-2021

Hi again and thanks JT.

Im glad to hear your coping ok ,I understand about the constant poking with covid and the need to get out and explore different things.

You asked about my work , i guess its just a reflection of how im feeling in general which i guess isnt really good with all that is happening. Im not sure if your in VIC but its been a long and tough haul here.

My relationship has been going about twelve months , i think with lockdown it has made me perhaps be a bit on the needy side and sometimes i guess it takes up all of my focus. It worries me and i wish at times we had met when things were normal in the world.

I also worry what my friends will think as i dont get to see them as much and they have been so good to me.I just hope they dont think ive turned my back on them. I just think with everything happening i am feeling a bit overawed at times.

Thanks JT hope to hear from you again and hear how you are going .

Brett.

jtjt_4862 · ‎20-09-2021

Hi Beaser,

It's certainly has been hard on all Victorians at the moment (I too reside in VIC at the moment), given how long we've been in lockdown for, and how much this is going to affect the mental health and economy of all Victorians. It was disappointing to hear the recent announcement that we're going to be remaining in lockdown potentially for another month... Will have to find more creative ways to adapt.

Must be tough for you to be keeping up with a long-distance-alike relationship, especially with the restrictions and curfews not allowing you to visit your partner. On the bright side, it'll make meeting up after the lockdown to be a blast and something to look forward to. Do you do video calls/phone calls with your partner? Also, if you don't mind me asking, you mentioned about the lockdown have placed you a bit on the needy side of things and that it can take up all of your focus. Would you be able to share more about what you meant by 'needy' and how it has taken up all of your focus?

With the current lockdown happening, it makes meeting up with friends almost near impossible without breaking the rules. But even so, friends will always be friends, and the connection will always be there no matter how long we have not seen each other. If I may seek for further understanding, you mentioned about worrying that your friends may feel that you've turned your back on them. Why is that?

Jt

Beaser · ‎21-09-2021

Hi Jt and thank you again.

I appreciate you taking time to read and understand my situation.

Just on my partner situation i have been able to visit under the current rules so im lucky in that regard. When i talk about being needy i guess because its become my only real social contact im having im finding that i have become very dependent on it , i know that can be unhealthy but if im honest with the way things are at the moment its my only really happy space at the moment.

I feel guilty about my friends because i have always been very loyal and caring about my friends and the fact that i havent been spending time with them makes me feel guilty and i worry they may be disappointed in me. Its a hard life at times living alone and i guess having a partner becomes has taken all my focus.

In general im finding things very tough at the moment . The whole covid thing with the anger and unrest thats developing is distressing me let alone the health issues that are out there with it. Its tough at the moment JT I know its common with Depression and anxiety but i get so much guilt at times and i know that i havent realy done anything wrong.

Thanks again JT. i look forward to hearing from you again.

Beaser · ‎05-10-2021

Hi JT.

Hope your well,its been awhile and im hoping your ok. Im hoping for some nice spring weather to brighten things up here in vic. Its been a tough time here and currently my area is in a lockdown.How have you been? Beaser

Sophie_M · ‎05-10-2021

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