Hi! New Here (and struggling mind you)

Alooshk · ‎08-10-2021

Hello!

I've been diagnosed with GAD, Major Depressive Disorder and there's a possibility of ADHD being tinted in there too, as of late (last month I think I got diagnosed), but I've been dealing and suffering with it for the past 4 years of my life largely alone and unspoken.

I wanted to get on here because I guess I have some issues with my psychologist and didn't know if what was happening to me was normal and just kind of wondering what a bunch of others might think

I struggled even getting on here and making my account because I was constantly telling myself (and even now) how this won't help at all and I'm just wasting my time. I think of that for a lot of things and I guess it's why I've spent so much of my life just rotting away. I sure hope this doesn't get left unposted!

I feel as if my psychologist is a little judgemental. I'm not sure what it is that makes me think this but I guess it's the tone when he explains certain things about me feels like I'm being talked down too not so sure. He also barely responds to any of my emails I send him and I get the feeling a lot of the "thought diaries" which is meant to help me and also help him get a better idea of my issues AND the emails themselves he doesn't read. Sometimes he is spot on with issues with me but with some other cases I just feel like he is dead wrong and what sucks is that he keeps bringing up those problems I think are dead wrong as if it's something I'm struggling with or something we have to deal with. Feel like I'm a secondary priority, maybe not taking things seriously enough. After my second ever session he made me wait 3 weeks for the next one especially when I was feeling particular vulnerable. Those weeks felt like hell.

I don't know I feel like I'm doubting myself a whole lot writing this down and second guessing whether any of this is correct or I'm just overexaggerating I'm not sure I don't feel certain of myself but this is it! My first post! (sorry if it's a bit of a whinge fest)

Banksy92 · ‎08-10-2021

Hi Alooshk, welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing your story - there is no need to apologise at all.

In my experience, finding the right fit with a psychologist I really clicked with and respected took a few tries. It's such a personal experience, sharing all your most intimate feelings and stories, you really want someone you can trust and feel safe with.

I know it may seem like a big step, after so much work with your current one, but have you considered trying someone new?

Sophie_M · ‎08-10-2021

Hi Alooshk,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that things have been difficult for you recently and that you don't feel you are being supported through this by your psychologist. We understand how hard this must be for you to go through alone, so please know that we are always here and support is always available to you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Alooshk · ‎09-10-2021

Hey Banksy! I have considered it but I think it might be a bit too early to decide on that yet, I've only had maybe 5 sessions with him but these were a list of things I've been bothered with. I raised whether he has read any of the homework I've sent to him, he's sent back a very understanding response but in short it was "no" because he has a lot of patients (and to be fair, I have sent him probably hours and hours of reading to him, was over 70 emails informing him of my state between those 3 weeks of absence).

I'm not sure, I'm also partially afraid it will shatter my confidence in the whole system. He's my first psychologist and I feel like it would suck really badly if I had to jump ship for another. I'm not sure maybe it means something if I'm not willing as of yet. I definitely have seen quite a lot of progress anyways but those specific things bother me particularly when I'm feeling down. He's definitely not able to be present as much as I would like.

Alooshk · ‎09-10-2021

Hi Sarah.

Thank you for the list of services! Very helpful I'll make use of them the best I can.

Banksy92 · ‎12-10-2021

It's great to hear you think you can see some progress with this person despite some of your other concerns. I agree with you, it's a good sign. I guess sometimes it can also just take time to find your flow with someone in the sessions too. Understandable about the emails - In my experience, my psych's have never really responded much to emails either, I guess because you have an allotted session and they are pressed for time.

Sounds like you're thinking to give it more time? Go with your gut, I say. If it's not improving then you know you've given it a good shot.