Hospitalization
- replies: 5
First post here. I have been hospitalized twice with my last admission being over 5 years ago. I had a different psychiatrist and psychologist back then and my new people are well, new. I could probably use a stint at the moment. I am not doing so gr... View more
First post here. I have been hospitalized twice with my last admission being over 5 years ago. I had a different psychiatrist and psychologist back then and my new people are well, new. I could probably use a stint at the moment. I am not doing so great. I really need to get my meds into a strict routine of actually taking them because I am in the "I really don't give a rats anymore" phase. I am not coping and would just like to sleep my life away thank you. I sabotage myself though, come up with every reason I can to not go in. So many people rely on me (kids etc), I work for myself and have deadlines, who will pick up the slack with the kids, how will I explain to clients that they will have to wait because I am having a 'special rest'? I basically feel very selfish for even thinking about approaching this, how can I possibly just up and leave my life for a few weeks. My husband will most likely not cope and he will resent me, and he will make it so much harder (this is a whole other story)... I know I can't help it, I suppose I think that I have survived this long out of hospital, may as well keep going with it. I convince everyone around me that i am completely fine. My own mother would be shocked to think I even require being in hospital. I am that good at playing happy and in control. So of course I convince my psych team of that too. I would never even think to ask them if I could go into hospital, I would feel like a huge drama queen. A huge part of my problem is asking for help, I just feel like I should be able to cope even when I'm not. Asking for help is admitting defeat and I have a huge fear of being perceived as a drama queen or attention seeker and my psychs are so new too... See? Sabotage. I need help but cannot get it, my mind stops me from getting it. I see both of them on Tuesday and by the time that rolls around I will have come up with a new "I can do this" plan. How often do medical people actually say "I think you should be in hospital"? What do I have to do or how do I have to act? I do actually want help, I want to help myself. I cannot continue like this. This sucks. Sorry for the huge post
