Antidepressant experience was like flicking a switch within a few days...

[wow_not_good]

Hi,

My background is that I'm 30 and have just quit my job due to a lot of situational anxiety. I was looking forward to doing something more fullfilling. I then had a bombshell dropped on me the day I returned to the city from my rural healthcare job. My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me. Sure I was distressed. I had even thought we needed to see a counsellor... I had not expected that sense of betrayal.

Four days later, early in the morning, there was some loud noise from the street that woke me. Bam! Just like that my heart went into fright or flight mode! Moderate depression was the Psychiatrist's diagnosis a few days later. Nothing felt moderate about not being able to get out of bed for 3 days constantly shaking. 

The walls felt like they were closing in on me. I was a failure. There was no past, present or future. I was living at home with my parents and felt totally dependant on people I don't even really trust that much. I wasn't suicidal yet. But I've ideated it at times of depression in the past. The depression was quiet at bad as shaking, total loss of hope, blackness.

 I started antidepressants that Saturday of the "bang". I think it saved my life since by Tuesday afternoon it was like a switch was flicked. 

 I read all of this stuff about antidepressants being hard to get off. I don't want to muck up my brain chemistry. It probably wasn't that great to start with if I was near catatonic state. 

 Any experience to share? It's a little stressful looking at the implications of withdrawal. I can get through that right? I'm a resilient person! Just thought I'd check that it was the people that aren't interested in changing their wicked ways that basically became dependant?

 I realise where I went wrong & what was out of my control... I need to prioritise myself more. Grieving is going to be another challenge...

Thanks!

[Pixie15]

Hi wow not good,

Welcome to the beyondblue forums. I am not sure what stuff you have been reading about how to get off antidepressants but I think it is just a matter of weaning yourself off it. I think the negative effects happen if you just stop suddenly. The idea would be to gradually reduce the dosage over time. I have done this myself recently for a steroid medication I was on. 

I am sorry you do not trust your parents. It must be difficult to have to live with them if that is the case. Losing your boyfriend when your stress levels were high with the change of job and the move back to your parents would not have helped your anxiety. 

Thanks,

Pixie.

[White_Rose]

Dear Wow

I think the abbreviation is much nicer than the full name. I hope you agree. Welcome to Beyond Blue. It's a good place to be when your world has turned upside down.

First antidepressants. You are not clear about how long you have been taking them or when the "bang" happened. Have you had depression for a while? I understand the almost overnight action of ADs as I experienced it after an increase in ADs. Wow is a good description.

You really need to work with your doctor on reducing ADs. It's not good to go off them suddenly. I used to see a psychiatrist and was taking ADs. I was always anxious about taking them as it seemed a sign of weakness so I told the psych I wanted to stop taking them. I think he was annoyed because he said, "Well stop taking them." Surprised I asked if I should reduce slowly and he said 'No, just stop".

After a week I was in a mess and had to go back to get a new prescription. I think it was totally unprofessional of him to do this and I never been sure why it happened. But the outcome was I stopped trying to get off these ADs. I am still angry about it.

So although you will not have this experience it does demonstrate the dangers of suddenly stopping. It's unlikely you will be addicted to ADs in the way people become addicted to drugs such as marijuana, but it may be necessary for you to take them for some time. It's a good move to talk about this with your GP and state your concerns.

Grieving is a different matter. After two years I would be devastated breaking up with my boyfriend. Unfortunately there is very little others can do for you except to listen when you want to talk about it. This is really good for you to let out your various emotions such as anger, disappointment, hurt and betrayal.

However, staying on your ADs will help you remain more stable at this time. Coping with depression and grief at the same time is a huge ask. Try not to put yourself at more risk by removing something that may be helping.

Do you not trust your parents? Can you tell us why, or is it that you feel you cannot trust anyone? Lack of trust can also come with depression, often because we are so focussed on our insecurities that when anyone tells us we are good/nice/acceptable/clever etc we cannot accept it. From there it's a short step to distrust. On the other hand you may have a concrete reason for your distrust.

You are right on the ball saying you need to look after yourself. I would like to talk more when you reply.

Mary