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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Tigerlily87 Drug Addiction, recovery & relapses in family & friends- how to cope, support & protect myself!
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to pro... View more

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to process this, work through it, the trust thats been lost, how to support him while maintaining my own strength and not become absorbed in the situation. Its only very very recent so Im still up and down with emotions. Has anyone else had a partner go through drug addiction and recovery? I really need advice, to hear positive long term recovery stories and support- not looking for negative opinions, or advice to walk away, as at this point, its not something i want to consider but my heart is breaking....

Enochi My girlfriend's mental health is worrying me, she's breaking down quite regularly but cant seem to talk about why at all.
  • replies: 4

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year now and she's told me about having anxiety and depression which I understand because I suffer with both myself, but she seems to struggle talking about specifics in terms of what is going on in her life a... View more

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year now and she's told me about having anxiety and depression which I understand because I suffer with both myself, but she seems to struggle talking about specifics in terms of what is going on in her life and how she is feeling. The break downs tend to be soon before she has to leave my place or face a task. We spend most weekends together but lately it seems like every Sunday she gets down about facing the week ahead. She basically gets to a point where she will just be in my bed staring into space, with tears streaming down her face and when I ask her what is going on she cant find the words like there is a mental block. I hug her and try make he feel better as best I can and just sit with her but I feel quite lost with what to do. She is also currently doing her masters thesis which is super stressful and from what I can gather is very burnt out from it all. I try and be as supportive as possible but I dont really know how to help or know what to do without someone talking to me about what is going on and how they are feeling. I know she has been through some pretty major trauma in past relationships and has told me bits and pieces so I can understand why she struggles opening up to people. As someone who has been to therapy myself I really think she could benefit from it, but she struggles to talk to anyone at all (me, her friends, her family etc) about what is going on in her head and convincing her that therapy would be a good idea seems like an impossible task because she doesn't think she needs it or can afford. My current tactic is just to be there, hold her hand, give her tissues, somewhat guess what is going on inside her head and say things like "I care about you" "its ok, let it out" "when you're ready to vent Im here" etc. Does anyone have any advice on what more I could do to help support her?

alambi Advice for ways to help newly diognosed partner. BPD 1.
  • replies: 2

My partner was diognosed with Bipolar 1 about 3 months ago. It was both a sad and relieving diognosis. Since then we have had some highs (medication that appeared to cure his chronic anxiety and lift his mood) and lows (a 2hr panic attack, this first... View more

My partner was diognosed with Bipolar 1 about 3 months ago. It was both a sad and relieving diognosis. Since then we have had some highs (medication that appeared to cure his chronic anxiety and lift his mood) and lows (a 2hr panic attack, this first he has had). I want to know what others have done that works to manage bipolar and I'm particularly interested in hearing if people have had a good experience with networking groups (if they even exist). My partner is a little socially isolated and I think a group could do wonders for him to socialise more and feel more normal. Im keen to meet other people in my position. Also keen to hear of any daily practices our routines anyone encourages a family member with BPD1 to do.

Imamamanow Helping a friend whose being mentally abused by ex
  • replies: 1

Hello, could someone please offer me some resources for my beautiful friend? She has a 4 year old and is separated from dad for about 2 years. They share their son back and forth on a mutual agreement, nothing documented or put in place by law. the m... View more

Hello, could someone please offer me some resources for my beautiful friend? She has a 4 year old and is separated from dad for about 2 years. They share their son back and forth on a mutual agreement, nothing documented or put in place by law. the main concern is he's started mentally abusing her, calling her terrible names And carrying on like a teenager (sometimesin front of their son). She has reason to believe he's following her and is starting to feel unsafe. I've told her there's lots of support for people in these situations which I know there is but, I don't know where to look! I've told her to contact the police ASAP about him following her but that's all I've got... I'd like to give her some resources so she can reach out and get help to put her back in a safe spot. Can someone please share links of where I can send my friend for help on this situation? Thanks so much.

Glennis 9 year old daughter suffering anxiety
  • replies: 8

Hi A few months ago I had a happy go lucky, active and funny daughter. A few particular events sparked a few worries about her ability to cope with situations. The last two weeks of the school term she became detached and unable to understand or expl... View more

Hi A few months ago I had a happy go lucky, active and funny daughter. A few particular events sparked a few worries about her ability to cope with situations. The last two weeks of the school term she became detached and unable to understand or explain how she felt. Many new worries became part of her daily concerns- vomiting, catching a cold and she started to display OCD traits. She lost interest in food because she couldn’t decide what she wanted , she couldn’t decide what she wanted to do so she wandered around aimlessly. Before school finished I booked an appointment at the doctors for myself to explain what was happening from there an appointment for my daughter was made. We were referred to a Mental Health service. Because of the holiday break the appointment isn’t until late next week. We as a family feel that we are drowning in not knowing how to support her correctly as her symptoms are becoming overwhelming for her. She continually asks when will she get well and that she does not want to feel like this. Her emotions are like a roller coaster. We have had many conversations about how she feels, what we can do to help her through. We are oblivious to what has triggered her anxiety. We need some guidance to help all of us through these next two weeks until we have professional help

madds97 My fiance is supporting ME during depression, but I'm worried about him
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm posting in this section to get advice from other carers, I'm the one going through mental illness, but I'm worried about the effect this is having on my partner. My partner seems to be not looking after himself. I know I don't look a... View more

Hi everyone, I'm posting in this section to get advice from other carers, I'm the one going through mental illness, but I'm worried about the effect this is having on my partner. My partner seems to be not looking after himself. I know I don't look after myself at the moment - because of my mental illness, but he lately he has been neglecting self care (personal hygiene) and also not eating healthily or exercising (when he used to love the gym). I'm absolutely devastated that he is feeling like this, and I feel like its my fault. I should be able to look after myself and be okay. But I'm so depressed. And now I've made him and his life suffer terrible because of me. I've had a conversation with him about his health, and he says he feels embarrassed to go to the gym because of his current weight, and or just says that he is fine. What can I do? I want so badly for my health to improve mentally and psychically - and now I'm dragging down the one good thing in my life. I feel so guilty and hopeless.

Tarnished_Heart Living with a Narcissist
  • replies: 20

I would love to hear from others who are enduring or surviving a relationship with a narcissist. I have recognised, with the help of my psychiatrist, that I have engaged in co-dependency, try to rescue others and will often subjugate my needs in orde... View more

I would love to hear from others who are enduring or surviving a relationship with a narcissist. I have recognised, with the help of my psychiatrist, that I have engaged in co-dependency, try to rescue others and will often subjugate my needs in order to fill others needs first. Enough is Enough! I have gone through the realisation phase, disappointment, disillusionment, anger, feeling stupid and gullible and very suicidal. What is really ironic is that my partner is a psychologist. My needs are not going to be met in this relationship and I am not going to keep meeting his. Unconditional love is a great ideal, BUT only God can give it, because he is in a position of power, not need. He needs nothing in return. Human love is conditional. Enduring abuse, emotional neglect and loneliness is a form of self abuse especially while you are waiting for the 'other half' to pay a little interest in the investment you have made in him. I am trying to work out how I can save myself. Do I HAVE to leave him? Is there another way?

Flowertop Feeling in despair and lost with impending separation
  • replies: 12

My partner of almost 30 years has been quite withdrawn and isolated himself from me for sometime. When our children left home, he stopped eating evening meal with me and would have headphones on listening to podcasts or would watch tv programs I had ... View more

My partner of almost 30 years has been quite withdrawn and isolated himself from me for sometime. When our children left home, he stopped eating evening meal with me and would have headphones on listening to podcasts or would watch tv programs I had no interest in. Our children are currently back living with us and he was just ignoring me or turning up the tv in annoyance when I spoke. He came out with it recently that he hates work and is negative about most of his work mates and it sounds like he has isolated himself at work. He announced to me that he had no feelings for me. My immediate reaction is to move away but I have no support network and don’t know where to disappear to. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and shocked at the same time. I did not see this coming. I am an emotional wreck at times and am scared.

Mermatemi How can I help my son?
  • replies: 2

Yesterday my 24 year old son did not attend our Christmas gathering. I felt deveststed as it was a special occasion meeting new family of my daughters fiancé. I was worried for my son and so sad that he missed out on a special occasion. However I did... View more

Yesterday my 24 year old son did not attend our Christmas gathering. I felt deveststed as it was a special occasion meeting new family of my daughters fiancé. I was worried for my son and so sad that he missed out on a special occasion. However I didn’t understand it was his anxiety. Now disappointed w myself bc I was angry w him yesterday. How can I help him.???

Pizzandoggos advice to help a suffering partner? ( Long distance )
  • replies: 4

Hey guys! i'm new here and appreciate anyone taking the time to ready my post. So I'm 25 and currently in a relationship of almost 3 years with a girl i completely adore. Though recently things havnt been going all that great. we live in different co... View more

Hey guys! i'm new here and appreciate anyone taking the time to ready my post. So I'm 25 and currently in a relationship of almost 3 years with a girl i completely adore. Though recently things havnt been going all that great. we live in different countries so visits do not happen often ( 1-2 times a year of varying lengths depending on current situation ). Now my partner is a sweet, caring and beautiful girl but is really suffering as of the past 5 months. she has always struggled with depression but only recently has it been this bad and for this long to the point it is affecting the relationship. Our last visit, and the last for 12 months was for 2 months and she was extremely withdrawn for almost the entirety. She showed little intimacy or joy, barely any enjoyment from being in my company and ofcourse i took it to heart a bit as we don't get much time together and it is far too expensive to be able to. She is not interested in communicating often, we went from a hour or 2 video chats a day to once every 3-4 days and her treating it as a chore more often than not. we text constantly throughout the day, and she initiates conversations via text often just not with a call. we have discussed our relationship and she insists she loves me and wants to be with me and she is going through a rough patch. on a day she's feeling good we can talk for hours, laugh and smile at it's fantastic, on bad days we generally just argue or she will be a little nasty despite me trying to avoid it. is there any advice on how to deal with this current situation? it's starting to take its toll on me. I understand her situation as ive recently recovered from a ~10 years with depression. we've made a " no go zone " on topics that we should avoid as it upsets her though this is all she seems to want to speak on. I feel like i try and give too much advice? but i'm not sure what else to say. i just try to voice what helped me overcome it but this ends in a argument. she doesnt do what she enjoys anymore, sort of just wants to sit with her own company doing nothing. rarely is happy to call me unless it's a rare day she's feeling okay. she has multiple large stress inducers that are un avoidable as extremely bad money sit, bad environment at home, mean housemates, stress of uni, struggle with insecurity with looks etc. what should I avoid saying that may be upsetting her without knowing? how do i not take things personally and be insecure? how to help in general?