New to this and not sure how to move forward

[New_Scared]

Morning all,

A shiny new relationship has taken a sudden turn with a major depressive episode. I've only had experience of depression with one friend who managed himself and his routines very well. This new experience has me quite fearful, with angry outbursts and treating me unkindly/dismissing my feelings, as well as a suspected dependence on alcohol.

At a complete loss as to how to be supportive while still drawing a line with behaviour that leaves me feeling worthless.

What is the depression and what is him just taking things out on me?

Should I swallow my feelings while he struggles through the worst, or let him know (which often results in an outburst and my feelings being dismissed...) Should we create a routine together, or do I let him sort himself out? Communication is not a strong point .

Any advice to help me help him is greatly appreciated.

[monkey_magic]

Morning New&Scared,

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

Unfortunately you are in the line of fire and it's very much one sided when he has his outbursts. This is unhealthy for a new relationship moving forward.

Are you able to speak to him about it when he has calmed down or does he still dismiss your feelings?

You said communication isn't a strong point but communication is vital in keeping a relationship together.

If I were you I'd give 1800 RESPECT a call and they might be able to help you understand his behaviour better and give you solutions.

No one should have to feel fearful and worthless in a relationship whether that person has depression or not.

I was in a relationship that was toxic. He would have outbursts under the influence of alcohol and I remember how scary that got. He used to lash out at me and it was hurtful. Unfortunately we aren't built of cement and I'm afraid he's behaviour is likely to continue unless he's willing to change and help himself with a trained professional.

If I were you I'd get out of harm's way. You don't need to be putting up with this.

All the best.

MM

[Happilyneverafter]

Anytime a relationship makes you fearful, the only way to make it better is to end it. My ex was an alcoholic and in the 20 years I knew him, it just got worse. Communication is a must for a strong and healthy relationship. If you are afraid to communicate your boundaries, then there’s honestly no point. Your partner needs to want to do the work, you can lead a horse to water.......