Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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Chronic Daily Pain/Head Pressure & Headaches

replies: 1

I am having chronic daily head pressure and temple pain headaches also suffering from saw ears been going on for 11 months seen many neurologist,chiropractor,physiotherapist,TMJ jaw specialist and pain clinics but still haven’t found an answer?

Partner needs help

replies: 2

Hello, My partner are have anger problems, but I think it's not the main problem. He have times are he saying how he is unhappy, want to be alone, not to do anything. In the last two weeks he said in the beginning about he don't want to talk with his friends few days after days we had figth and after that he come and said he don't want nto be with me if he like that, one day after his mum told him she coming because she worried about him and he said ok but in the day she comes he said I don't want to see you and gone to sleep in hotel. In the last few months he get a lot of bad/sad news are make him after of them angery. I don't know what to do, He think the only problem he have is the anger poeblem (mentally abuse to me he said), And that why he does not believe he have any depression( we gone to couple treapy and the person asked him few questions and said to him I want you will go to get medical advice about your depression from that day my partner was not agreed to go back to that guy). But when he Don't have the dark spots he can have short and not hard figh.

I'm stuck and there's no escape

replies: 5

I started writing this post about what's happening and before I knew it it was really long. Reaaallyy long. I dont know where to start. My husband suffers from lifelong depression but he is getting worse and worse despite seeking help from his GP, psychologist, friends and family. He will be seeing a psychiatrist next month but I need to get out of this relationship because its destroying me. We have a 7 month old baby as well and I need to be the best I can be for the baby's sake. My husband has completely shut down. He sleeps about 15-16 hours a day. I do 100% of the housework and 90% of the parenting. This decline started a few months ago when I went to the doctors who told me I am suffering from exhaustion and need to rest. When I told my husband about this, he completely stopped everything and just shutdown. Now my workload has increased and I find myself driving to his parents house to look after the baby while I rest. He is sleeping at home when I do this. Everything I do or say 'triggers' him. He blames me for his depression and for triggering him. If I tell him I need help, he tells me to stop drilling him and he doesnt want to hear it. I have to clarify that I am EXTREMELY mindful of the way I speak to him. I am very delicate and considerate. He knows he is being unreasonable but he cannot control it. I asked for separation and he stayed with his parents for a few weeks. Unfortunately this resulted in a worrying text message from him which made me feel like at the time he was a suicide risk. He is now living back at home and I told him I will do whatever I can for him to get the help he needs. At the same time, I cannot be with him because its toxic and I dont think I can ever forgive him for some of the things he's done while he has been in an 'epidose'. One example being he kicked me out of the house when I was pregnant. I guess my problem is that no amount of counseling or CBT or psychologist sessions will get me to be able to live with him. But if I leave him, I'm worried he will be suicide risk. I have his family's full support as they're aware of what's happening, but I just want him to get the help he needs. His GP and psychologist have really let him down. I'm so stuck and helpless. I dont know what I expect with posting this but I just needed to let it out. I'm desperate for him. I desperate for him to receive the right treatment and I'm desperate to get away. It's a lonely situation. Thank you for reading.

Girlfriend has anxiety about seeing me, but I want to see her all the time

replies: 1

TLDR; my girlfriend gets anxious about seeing me and it’s frustrating because I want to see her all the time, like people do in relationships normally. I (19) recently got a girlfriend (18). We've been dating 2.5 months & started dating just as the coronavirus restrictions came into place, so saw each other in person for a few dates and then quarantine started. We video call every night for hours and in the morning before our day starts and text throughout the day. This was perfect for quarantine because we couldn’t see each other easily, maybe every 2 weeks, so I was happy to see her infrequently but talk to her heaps online. She’s super extroverted and confident, but has quite bad anxiety and gets anxious about actually seeing me in person. Now that quarantine is over we're allowed to see each other freely, & say I haven’t seen her in a week & I ask to come over to her house, she won’t explicitly say no & it’s more like ‘yeah … I guess you can come over’, & she is rarely super enthusiastic & very indecisive when organising dates & stuff. It’s not that she doesn’t want to see me, she really does, but her anxiety gets the better of her & it can be sort of awkward because she doesn’t really want me to come over but can’t communicate her feelings to say no. She says she knows she should see her girlfriend & really wants to see me, but her anxiety doesn’t allow for that & says I shouldn’t have to deal with this sort of stuff & that she’s a bad girlfriend for not wanting to see me. On one hand I agree with her about this, but all relationships have their struggles & maybe for us this is ours. All I want to do is be with her all the time, but I'm conflicted because I don’t want to hurt her & make her anxiety worse by seeing her in person. I care about her so much & the last thing I want to do is hurt her, I know how hard it is to deal with anxiety. What should I do? She refuses to get help from a professional about managing her anxiety, I’ve suggested it & she says she’s always dealt with it herself. Should I talk to her about how hard this is on me? I know I’m coming across as selfish & pissed off, which honestly a part of me is, because I just want to love her & cuddle her & just be there in person with her, is that too much to ask of a relationship? I’m just wondering if this is worth sticking out, maybe it’ll get easier for her over time but there’s also a chance that it won’t. I’m trying my best and I’m super supportive of her but it’s still so hard.

Exhausted

replies: 4

Hi everyone, I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure if it’s the right place but I just need some space to vent. I live with my best friend who has bipolar disorder. She’s recently some big life stressors, mainly relating to relationship issues. I’ve been trying very hard to support her and be there for her, but I’m starting to feel a bit exhausted because I too have my own mental health issues (depression & anxiety). With all the stuff going on in her life I feel my struggles are very insignificant and I feel as though I need to keep any depressive/anxious thoughts on the inside. Her bipolar disorder also causes her to lack of empathy and she tends to just block other people’s emotions out, which I understand is a protective mechanism. I also live 5 hours away from my parents, siblings and nephews, and recently I’ve been finding myself to be missing a lot which is normal, but not to the extent it is lately. I think the house atm is just filled with depressing vibes, and I miss the hustle and bustle and loving feeling of my house back home and being with family. I guess I just want to know that I’m not crazy and wondering if anyone could give me any advice. Thank you!!

Supporting my partner who is transitioning off anti-depression medication

replies: 3

Hi everyone, just wanted to talk about some struggles I am going through at the moment supporting my partner of 3 years as she comes off her anti-depression and anxiety medication. She has been on the medication for close to 5 years, and now, with her doctor and psychologist's support, she is transitioning off her medication. Over the period of a few months, she lowered her dosages and spacing of taking medication. The doctor said that there will be side effects to this, including symptoms of anxiety/depression, and there has been over the past few weeks. Some days she does really well and all seems normal, some days she says she's not feeling right and that she's having 'brain zaps'. The there are some really bad days, where seemingly out of nowhere she will become incredibly emotional and irrational and be in depressive states. For example, the other night she became upset when I left one of the doors in the house open that she wanted left shut. She became so upset that she walked out of the house without alerting me, so when i went to look for her later i couldnt find her and panicked. I tried to call and she declined it, just texted back that she was out. I found her walking in the streets, seemingly not even conciously 'all there'. Turns out she was so upset and emotional about the door being left open that she 'couldnt handle it' and had to leave. Minor things like this causing major end-of-the-world reactions are happening a few times a week now. There are 2 things coming out of this; number 1 being that I'm worried that these side effects of depressive behaivour are maybe worse than expected, and Im not sure if it is a side effect of coming off the meds or potentially a relapse. I just want to be sure that im not watching her relapse, but when shes in her normal state she doesnt think its worth checking with the medical professionals. Send second thing is that i am now struggling with going through this, exaggerated by quarantine and not being able to interact with others. I'm finding it hard to be supportive 100% of the time, and there are moments where it frustrates me so much that I argue back in the moment and forget this isnt really her. This just makes things worse. Any tips living through this would be much appreciated!

Husband depressed, blames me and the kids for his unhappiness

replies: 2

My husband refuses to get help, I don’t know what to do for him. He has decided that me and the kids are the reason we are unhappy (quoted a bunch of contradictory reasons). He won’t be happy until he gets away from us. He said he has been googling how to kill himself so it’s either one or the other. He acknowledges he is depressed but refuses to seek help of any kind. He has ‘no intention of talking about it to anyone and ‘no intention if going on any drugs so what’s the point of seeing the doctor.’ I love my husband and have been blindsided by this because I had thought we had been doing much better lately. I was feeling happier and I thought he was too. Please someone, if you have been through this and come out the other side, what did you do? How can I help him?

Daughter with anxiety

replies: 3

My 22 year old daughter has anxiety & minor depression. This all started 2 months ago when she went on a camping trip with her boyfriend of 2 years & had a huge panic attack. Since then it has brought on anxiety & depression. She is on medication & seems a lot better with day to day tasks but is anxious when she has to spend time alone with her boyfriend. He is a lovey guy & is very caring & supportive but she is pushing him away. Any feedback/helpful suggestions to help her overcome this would be great

Introduction

replies: 5

Hello everyone. I am a new member to this forum. I joined because my partner has a mental illness

Concerned about a friend

replies: 3

Hello! This is my first forum post. A good friend of mine has been pretty isolated recently, and I’m a bit concerned about his mental health. (Of course, we’ve all been in lockdown, but he’s been avoidant since before then and hasn’t been talking or posting much anywhere. The last I saw of him was a few months ago and he seemed quiet but not concerningly so) I invited him over recently and he called on the night in a state saying he couldn’t come because ‘people were following him’, which I found a bit worrying. He also posted something online mentioning whispers agitating him, which sounded like he might’ve been hallucinating? Anyway, I visited him this afternoon and he’s acting pretty off - muttering to himself and just not seeming to pay much attention to anything, leaving and reentering the room because ‘someone threatened him through his window this morning’ and he thought someone would break in, stated like that was totally normal. I asked if everything was okay and he mentioned he’s been pretty anxious and hasn’t been sleeping much as well as hasn’t been completing his school work recently. When I brought up talking to someone he was pretty insistent that he’d deal with it alone, but I’m worried it’s some kind of psychosis. I know he’s struggled with anxiety for a long time but I’ve never seen him acting like this in the time I’ve known him, and it was a little unsettling. What should I do? Does this sound like psychotic behaviour over just anxiety, should I be pushing harder for him to visit his GP or am I worrying/meddling excessively? We’ve been quite close in the past and the complete distance is unlike him, I don’t know what’s overstepping. Any ideas or opinions would be appreciated!!

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Chronic Daily Pain/Head Pressure & Headaches replies: 1

Partner needs help replies: 2

I'm stuck and there's no escape replies: 5

Girlfriend has anxiety about seeing me, but I want to see her all the time replies: 1

Exhausted replies: 4

Supporting my partner who is transitioning off anti-depression medication replies: 3

Husband depressed, blames me and the kids for his unhappiness replies: 2

Daughter with anxiety replies: 3

Introduction replies: 5

Concerned about a friend replies: 3