Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Supporting my partner who is transitioning off anti-depression medication

replies: 3

Hi everyone, just wanted to talk about some struggles I am going through at the moment supporting my partner of 3 years as she comes off her anti-depression and anxiety medication. She has been on the medication for close to 5 years, and now, with her doctor and psychologist's support, she is transitioning off her medication. Over the period of a few months, she lowered her dosages and spacing of taking medication. The doctor said that there will be side effects to this, including symptoms of anxiety/depression, and there has been over the past few weeks. Some days she does really well and all seems normal, some days she says she's not feeling right and that she's having 'brain zaps'. The there are some really bad days, where seemingly out of nowhere she will become incredibly emotional and irrational and be in depressive states. For example, the other night she became upset when I left one of the doors in the house open that she wanted left shut. She became so upset that she walked out of the house without alerting me, so when i went to look for her later i couldnt find her and panicked. I tried to call and she declined it, just texted back that she was out. I found her walking in the streets, seemingly not even conciously 'all there'. Turns out she was so upset and emotional about the door being left open that she 'couldnt handle it' and had to leave. Minor things like this causing major end-of-the-world reactions are happening a few times a week now. There are 2 things coming out of this; number 1 being that I'm worried that these side effects of depressive behaivour are maybe worse than expected, and Im not sure if it is a side effect of coming off the meds or potentially a relapse. I just want to be sure that im not watching her relapse, but when shes in her normal state she doesnt think its worth checking with the medical professionals. Send second thing is that i am now struggling with going through this, exaggerated by quarantine and not being able to interact with others. I'm finding it hard to be supportive 100% of the time, and there are moments where it frustrates me so much that I argue back in the moment and forget this isnt really her. This just makes things worse. Any tips living through this would be much appreciated!

Husband depressed, blames me and the kids for his unhappiness

replies: 2

My husband refuses to get help, I don’t know what to do for him. He has decided that me and the kids are the reason we are unhappy (quoted a bunch of contradictory reasons). He won’t be happy until he gets away from us. He said he has been googling how to kill himself so it’s either one or the other. He acknowledges he is depressed but refuses to seek help of any kind. He has ‘no intention of talking about it to anyone and ‘no intention if going on any drugs so what’s the point of seeing the doctor.’ I love my husband and have been blindsided by this because I had thought we had been doing much better lately. I was feeling happier and I thought he was too. Please someone, if you have been through this and come out the other side, what did you do? How can I help him?

Daughter with anxiety

replies: 3

My 22 year old daughter has anxiety & minor depression. This all started 2 months ago when she went on a camping trip with her boyfriend of 2 years & had a huge panic attack. Since then it has brought on anxiety & depression. She is on medication & seems a lot better with day to day tasks but is anxious when she has to spend time alone with her boyfriend. He is a lovey guy & is very caring & supportive but she is pushing him away. Any feedback/helpful suggestions to help her overcome this would be great

Introduction

replies: 5

Hello everyone. I am a new member to this forum. I joined because my partner has a mental illness

Concerned about a friend

replies: 3

Hello! This is my first forum post. A good friend of mine has been pretty isolated recently, and I’m a bit concerned about his mental health. (Of course, we’ve all been in lockdown, but he’s been avoidant since before then and hasn’t been talking or posting much anywhere. The last I saw of him was a few months ago and he seemed quiet but not concerningly so) I invited him over recently and he called on the night in a state saying he couldn’t come because ‘people were following him’, which I found a bit worrying. He also posted something online mentioning whispers agitating him, which sounded like he might’ve been hallucinating? Anyway, I visited him this afternoon and he’s acting pretty off - muttering to himself and just not seeming to pay much attention to anything, leaving and reentering the room because ‘someone threatened him through his window this morning’ and he thought someone would break in, stated like that was totally normal. I asked if everything was okay and he mentioned he’s been pretty anxious and hasn’t been sleeping much as well as hasn’t been completing his school work recently. When I brought up talking to someone he was pretty insistent that he’d deal with it alone, but I’m worried it’s some kind of psychosis. I know he’s struggled with anxiety for a long time but I’ve never seen him acting like this in the time I’ve known him, and it was a little unsettling. What should I do? Does this sound like psychotic behaviour over just anxiety, should I be pushing harder for him to visit his GP or am I worrying/meddling excessively? We’ve been quite close in the past and the complete distance is unlike him, I don’t know what’s overstepping. Any ideas or opinions would be appreciated!!

My Partner is emotionally abusive

replies: 5

Hi All First time posting. I am a 61 year old woman, good job good person etc etc. I feel stupid that I cant get away from him and no body knows about this. I have been in this relationship for 13 years and I don't know how to escape. I am actually scared. It is not physically abusive but the threat is there. He does the following: blames me for all the problems in a relationship, constantly comparing me with others to undermine my self-esteem and self-worth usually being in a bad mood, intentionally embarrassing me in public, name calling, yelling, insulting or swearing, controlling my finances, prevents me from seeing my friends and family. To name a few... when he is triggered I say absolutely nothing and after a period of time he may apaologise but says I made him do it! Any help would be so appreciated.

My depressed sister won't accept advice or seek professional help

replies: 5

Hi All, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I am worried (and have been for a long time) about my younger sister Lisa who lives with depression & anxiety. During the past year, my older sisters and I have been trying to offer her support, guidance and advice on how to help with her mental health and be open with her in relating to her experience of depression and anxiety - which she has refuses to believe is possible, believing that we are all just perfect and have had our lives just come to us easily (very much not the case for any of us - depression is very well known in our family with our mother having major depression for at least three decades years the impacts that has had on us kids individually + our own personal issues apart from this). We have offered so many suggestions and recommendations on what could be of help (speaking to a psych, reading this book or that resource, relating to her from our own experience and what we did or found/find helpful, and other things specific to developing her skills and abilities for manage and deal with life and it's challenges in general) but she just doesn't listen to us, or doesn't take any action, or just blatantly says I don't need this or that or your help, or just cannot take herself out of a victim mentality and develop any solutions to help her situation. And when you explain that there isn't going to be single quick overnight or one day fix to her depression, but that it will require her to really self-reflect and work on the root causes, she isn't interested or doing anything to help herself or her situation. Today, in her recently acquired job she has supposedly had a mental breakdown in which people had to call the police - I am yet to find out all the details about this - but it is expected/presumed that due to stress of the job, and being ill equipped to deal with conflicts her personal emotional reactions appropriately she has 'flipped it.' I am concerned for her wellbeing & how this experience will effect her depression and her ability to keep a job in the future & be independent. I am feel stuck on what else I can do to encourage or help her if she isn't willing to try or do anything about it. I fear that one day she will take her own life because she just couldn't manage. Regardless of her saying that she wouldn't do that. I appreciate anyone's advice on what I can do to offer more support/help, adjusting my mindset, or your own perspective/similar experience. Thanks

Trying To Help My Partner

replies: 2

Hello, I hope this is the right place to ask this if not please point me in the right direction. I am wanting to help my partner but I'm not sure how. He was sexually abused as a child, I don't know too many details as I don't want to pressure him into talking if he doesn't want to but how do I go about talking about it? Is there anything I should or shouldn't be saying? I just don't know how to him.

How do you be in a relationship where you are only loved 50% of the time? Do depressed partners push you away as they want to end it?

replies: 6

I am tired of it. Do they want to make relationships end, so they can at the end of the day say "see, life is crap, I told you, I am hard done by". I am over being the door mat for another human, I have been put down endlessly, for being who I am. I have even been told to go and top myself (lovely!), I am tired of doing all the caring (unnoted and unappreciated) and no-one there for me. For a change it would be lovely to be loved.... Who says that this ok ? I AM worth it. I deserve to be loved 100% of the time.

My 40 year old brother

replies: 2

He came up to me today and spoke something true for the first time today. He said he couldn’t sleep, these thoughts keep him up at night. He thinks about his life without friends. He is clinically depressed, has to attend a medical centre for his injections every week as part of a court order and I don’t know what to do. He is saying the dosage of injection is keeping him up at night. It breaks my heart, I don’t know how to create opportunities for him to meet people. He hasn’t spoken to strangers or even worked a day in his life. I’m scared.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Supporting my partner who is transitioning off anti-depression medication replies: 3

Husband depressed, blames me and the kids for his unhappiness replies: 2

Daughter with anxiety replies: 3

Introduction replies: 5

Concerned about a friend replies: 3

My Partner is emotionally abusive replies: 5

My depressed sister won't accept advice or seek professional help replies: 5

Trying To Help My Partner replies: 2

How do you be in a relationship where you are only loved 50% of the time? Do depressed partners push you away as they want to end it? replies: 6

My 40 year old brother replies: 2