Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

19yr old son refuses help

replies: 10

Hi, I'm am after some advise really. I have a 19yr old son who suffers from depression. He has given up his apprenticeship 6 mths ago. He did see a therapist once and said it was a waste of time and won't go back. The Dr gave him medication which he refuses to take. He lives in our Perth home while we live 3hrs away in the country. We do see him every 10 days or so, either staying with him or him staying with us for a few nights. Our oldest daughter also visits him when we are not there. We are in contact daily. How can I help him? Or encourage him to accept the help on offer? I'm very concerned. I have suggested him moving in with us even if its only for a while, but he won't agree to this either. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

how to convince ex girlfriend to get help?

replies: 2

Hi, I know this is crazy but I want to get tips on how to convince my ex girlfriend to get help. She is an angel and it pains me to just leave the way she is. Recently got into a fight with my girlfriend and broke up. I didn't know it at the time but realise that her anxiety about my commitment (and lockdown stress in general) had caused me to blow up on her, I am very regretful. Her anxiety is to the point where she has bandages from hand sinitizers. But the heart breaking part is she would always block out her emotions when she felt hurt, her tone would change to a cavalier tone. During the break up she constantly switched from emotional to stone cold composure. It was hard to watch. There are other problems but these are the ones she has confessed were caused by events in her past. I want to stay but more importantly want her to get help but I don't know how. Before the lockdown things never got this bad because I would just hold her, but I can't now. I know logically she'll have to be the one that wants help but is there anyway for me to help her see that?

Need help to support my wife

replies: 4

Hi i am newly married (9 months) and I need help in helping my wife. She suffers anxiety and for the most part of our relationship I have been ignorant to this. I would take her outbursts as anger issues and would (still do) inflame situations by arguing back and being just as nasty with my words. We had a big avoidable fight today and this has made me start reading much more into anxiety and understanding that she is a silent sufferer. Her whole immediate and extended family suffer anxiety or depression and she has been a main support for them over the years. It's taken me a while to realise she is also suffering. I want to be able to help. I know she won't see someone at this point in time, but I'd like to build trust with her first and hopefully in time help her to seek professional help. but I need help myself, big time! What are some coping methods I could use when in a situation looking to turn ugly? I have tried walking away, staying silent, arguing back, ignoring. Nothing help, and I know my approach is wrong. Can someone help with some practical advise in how I can get better that this? At this point I fear our marriage is at risk. I find this situation difficult to deal with as I'm helpless thank you

Suicidal Husband - no more hope

replies: 6

So my husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, married for 2.5 of that. We have an amazing relationship, we love each other dearly, we don’t have any financial stresses, we don’t have any kids yet, just a beautiful pup. My husband however, suffers with severe depression and anxiety. To the point where each day he tells me he honestly doesn’t want to live anymore, doesn’t wasn’t to suffer. As much as he loves me and doesn’t want to leave me, he just can’t stick around. All his stresses and anxiety stem from his work. He’s been hospitalised twice now of being suicidal due to two different work events, mainly due to his lack of self confidence in his role. He applied for a different company thinking it’d solve his stresses, but it hasn’t as now he’s in turmoil over whether to stay at his current employer (who is aware and supportive of his mental health issues) or go to new one job with no leave entitlements/support for a job that’s potentially less stressful?! Given all this, I have been encouraging him to seek help, but my problem is I am feeling really let down by everything I turn him to. He’s been to the GP (multiple), psychiatrist, psychologist (multiple), different antidepressants (3 now), hospitalisations and now CBT course. He’s just not getting better. Hes now said he’s tried everything and that unfortunately there’s no help for him and that some people just don’t get better from this illness. I feel like I don’t have any hope left to turn to for us in getting my husband out of this suicidal state. I just feel rendered useless /hopeless as I watched him continue adding to his draft suicide note tonight (he’s not aware I know) How can I encourage him to persevere??

Knowing how hard to push

replies: 2

I've been trying to be supportive of my partner with their depression for nearly a decade now and I'm still unsure how hard to push them and when to simply support. They themselves have told me they need a push because without it they find it too easy to fall into a rut. That staying in bed all day is easier than getting up without some kind of push/motivation. I've tried to find that right balance of pushing VS being understanding. Over the last 2-3 years the amount of pushing I've been doing is starting to be ineffective. I don't want to push more as a past suicide attempt was prompted by feelings of failure and inadequacy, but I'm afraid letting them keep slipping will also have the same result. We use to have a 5 item task list they had to do each day so they can feel accomplished, but it's dwindled down to nearly nothing. They've expressed that they know these are things they use to be able to do, but just can't. With Covid I'm not sure if I should be giving them the tough love they've asked me to do in the past or if that might be pushing it too far. Even when the only item on the list is to brush their hair. They use to have a psychologist, but they were actually quite rude and not a good fit the few times I met with them for joint sessions. I actually wasn't too upset when the praticed shut because I thought it meant they'd get new help and hopefully a better perspective. That is until Covid. Now everywhere that we can afford to go to has been booked. They've been on multiple waiting lists for over a year and calling Beyond Blue just makes it worse for them because they tend to mostly get trapped in circles. I know there likely is no real solution. No way to really be able to tell when I should push and how hard. I just wish I knew what to do to help, but shouting into the void for a bit helps me so thanks for making it this far and listening to me. If people do have advice I will be most appreciative.

Husband anxious and depressed - wants our kids out of home

replies: 5

Hi, my husband has a history of undiagnosed anxiety and depression. He's had a flare up due to work place stress (physical injury and possibly some bullying). We have 4 children. Our 18 year old son is doing his HSC and is also stressed and now diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. He has lashed out a few times, aggressive and physical. I've spoken to him and he is making a big effort. He hasn't had any out bursts since I've spoken with him and he agrees he needs to improve. He is getting counseling. My husband however refuses to acknowledge our son is making an effort and will pick on everything he does. My husband complains our son doesn't speak to him yet when our son does he puts him down or insults him. My husband is even refusing to eat at the table with us when my son is there. He grunts at him or outright ignores him. Ive told my husband this isn't on. I don't want my son subjected to this abuse. I don't want my husband at home if he can't show respect for all of us. I'm so upaet by this. We don't have alot of money and now my husband is saying he won't go back to work. I think he thinks he can life off my salary too even if he moves out. I'm at a loss to what to do.

Dealing with a friend's abandonment issues...

replies: 3

My friend has severe abandonment issues that lately I have been struggling to deal with. We're very close, he's my closest friend really, we talk almost every day normally. Since COVID and lockdowns hit he's been struggling a lot more, and recently he has had a lot of friends stop talking to him, apparently because they found his mental health too much of a burden (his words, I have never met them so not sure what the situation is exactly). He suffers from depression and repeated suicidal thoughts, and I have tried to support him as best as I can whenever those moments come up, trying to remain calm and caring even though I'm usually panicking inside. Overall in the last few months he seemed like he was doing a little better but in the last week things have gotten worse again. He's shut down and I misguidedly thought it was my job to try to distract him so I have been trying to keep him talking to me and rambling on about things, which I acknowledge was the wrong thing to do, I should have been listening to him and giving him space/support as he needed and following his lead. He called me out on that and keeps bringing up his friends, saying I don't really care about him and its only a matter of time before I abandon him too. I tried apologising and acknowledged my mistakes but he twisted my words, claiming it just shows that I (and everyone else) don't care about him. It's not the first time he has said that to me, pretty much whenever his depression is hitting him hard he will say things like this, and it's really hurtful. I feel like I should have thicker skin because I know it's his depression making him say that and I know his abandonment issues are valid and not his fault, but still, I feel really hurt and upset. And that makes me feel terrible because I also suffer from anxiety/depression so I know how hard it is. I want to tell him that I understand how hard things are for him but at the same time I don't think it's ok that he treats me that way, but I don't know how to say it without making things worse. I'm so afraid if I upset him more it will lead to those suicidal thoughts again and that he'll hurt himself. I guess I am looking for some advice on what to do next because I have no idea. Sorry for rambling so much, and thanks for reading until the end of this post.

How do I support my depressed teen?

replies: 4

Hi there, This is my irst time here, so sorry if I get this wrong. I have a 14 y.o daughter who used to be bubbly and bright. Now she is withdrawn, moody, never sleeps, won't eat, has withdrawn from all her long loved activities and has been cutting. We have seen GP, we have a MHCP, she has had her intake interview and now we wait for her to be seen further. Perhaps 6 months I am told. After her intake interview by phone the counsellor spoke with me briefly around the next steps and advised me that my child had suicidal thoughts but no plans. How do I support her without making it all about me and how sad I am about all this? I am trying to be supportive and be there for her, but I struggle to not cry and feel like I am the cause of all her angst. It feels so hopeless and overwhelming. How do I support her without getting over emotional? Thanks

Help with a partner with depression and PTSD

replies: 5

My partner and I have been together for almost 8 years. Start of 2020 he was assaulted and his life threatened at work, he is on workers compensation and had 6 months completely off work of which he spent sleeping and generally not doing a whole lot (understandable, he was very rattled by what happened) he was put on antidepressants by his GP and saw a psychologist every fortnight during this time, he would have almost nightly nightmares of him bring attacked and thrashing around screaming (really scared me as I didn't know how far he would go in his sleep). He tried to go back to work slowly but ended up having to be relocated and can no longer go to that shopping centre as it is too triggering for him. During his time off our relationship was strained (still is) intimacy was none existent and when I tried to talk to him he would shut down even tell me I was stressing him out even when I was talking of every day events. He begun doing a lot better once he moved stores and slowly worked his way back to full time even scored a promotion to store manager. During this time he decided he wouldn't go back to see his psychologist as every time he went he was re triggered and didn't like it he also decided to completely come off his medication straight away not slowly despite me telling him I didn't think it was a good idea. Anyway his sister suffers from drug addiction and mental health and hers went down hill, she attacked him which sent him downward a bit but he made his way through semi okay. But his recovery has plateaued and we still suffer within our relationship, I feel left out and like he won't help himself or talk to me about anything. He now hates his job and comes home angry most nights, I've tried to help him find new work but he won't apply for anything. I suggested going back to the psychologist which he won't or see his gp. He has suicidal thoughts and vocalises them a fair amount and I worry one day I'll come home and something will have happened. I too suffer from anxiety and after a year and a half its taking its toll on me too. I don't know what to do or how to support him as he won't change anything or talk about it to me.

I don't know what to do and feel so much pressure

replies: 8

My husband has been suffering from major depression and anxiety for a number of years now. He has had two suicide attempts (the most recent only a month ago), two rather unsuccessful private clinic admissions, multiple different medication trials, none of which seem to be making any difference, and on his fourth psychiatrist. It just seems like none of them know what more to do. My husband is desperately miserable. On the days he sees his psychologist (twice a week), he is more depressed than ever - he really struggles talking/opening up. We have regular occurrences of him just breaking down in tears, saying he doesn't want to be alive, and he just wants it all to be over. He feels guilty about the effect it's having on me and wants me to be able to get on with my life (yeah, like that would be any life without him - I don't know what I'd do without him). I reassure him not to worry about me, that I love him dearly and wish that I could do something to help, but honestly, I don't really know what to say/do when he has these breakdowns. I tried suggesting we call Beyond Blue or Lifeline last night but he doesn't want to engage with anyone and doesn't want to go to Emergency/Hospital. He just wants his life over. I just feel so much pressure to keep him alive, take care of him when he doesn't seem to be getting the support/results he needs from his psychiatrist and psychologist. There doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel and I feel guilty for keeping him alive. I also have a history of major depression and am still taking medication and undergoing psychotherapy, so while I know not everyone's depression is the same, I think I have a good understanding of it. Please help - tell me what to do in these situations when he breaks down and cries and begs for his life to be over but doesn't want to go to hospital and cannot then get hold of his psychiatrist for help.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 2

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

19yr old son refuses help replies: 10

how to convince ex girlfriend to get help? replies: 2

Need help to support my wife replies: 4

Suicidal Husband - no more hope replies: 6

Knowing how hard to push replies: 2

Husband anxious and depressed - wants our kids out of home replies: 5

Dealing with a friend's abandonment issues... replies: 3

How do I support my depressed teen? replies: 4

Help with a partner with depression and PTSD replies: 5

I don't know what to do and feel so much pressure replies: 8