Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Carers payment for my partner and I

replies: 3

Hi, I am new to the forums as this is my first post. This question is for anyone who knows about Centrelink and how it works. I have asked them this question several times and keep getting conflicting answers. I am currently getting carers payment for my wife who has PTSD / Depression as well as a pain condition. we have both been trying to get disability for 5 years and they still wont give either of us this. I also suffer PTSD and depression and I have chronic life long back pain. My question is this. Is it possible for her to get a carers payment for me as she is as much a carer for me as I am for her. Basically is it possible for a couple to get carers for each other. I had no problem getting carers payment and I need just as much care as she does. Any thoughts ? Thank you

Helping my dad who won't help himself

replies: 3

Hi All, I am new to this but hoping for a little advice. My dad suffered quite a severe stroke several years ago . After my mum and him had a divorce, depression led to drug use, which then also led to a large contributing factor of the cause of the stroke. After the stroke he had regular physiotherapy and ended up back at a pretty good place with quite good recovery. Fast forward a year, he ended up in a corrective facility and in that 12 months did no physiotherapy, moving around etc and ended up almost at the same place he was first after suffering the stroke. Since his return home, he has been in a depressive state of mind, not doing anything, in bed all day, constantly down and returning to old bad habits. I have tried as hard as possible to help him, offering assistance with organising NDIS, organising him groceries and also Lite n Easy meals he can just heat up, helping him sort his medications, reminding him of medications, coming over and cooking him dinner sometimes, offers to come after work to go for walks and do physio together. And he doesn't want any of it. He doesn't help himself at all. He instead sits in bed all day, sleeps, smokes cigarettes inside, doesn't take his medications correctly, does not do any physio, does not organise or help organise some assistance for him, does not eat all day or otherwise orders takeaway meals regularly after buying good food for him. He says he has a psychologist, however I know he cancels his appointments regularly and has maybe visited her twice this year. He regularly plays a guilt trip on me. I only get calls when he says how horrible he is and wants me to come over and practically work for him. I go to his house to visit and he demands me to make him food, mow the lawns, bring him medication, vacuum, take all of his dirty glasses out of his room with cigarette butts in them, go and get groceries he doesn't even eat. I guess I am just wanting some advice on how to handle a situation like this. I am constantly feeling negative myself now, worrying about him yet knowing he is doing nothing to help himself. I also feel guilty I am not helping him more, however I work full time and do uni full time also. I do not have the energy or time to be his carer, nor do I feel I should be when there is so much support services available to use. Any ways I can offer help and convince him to help himself? Or what should I do?

How to help adult child with anxiety

replies: 5

Hi I'm new here and really not sure where to start. I need help/advice on how to deal with my 22year old son who suffers with anxiety, depression and has thoughts of suicide. He had to leave his job because he chooses not to be vaccinated. He said he would find work from home. He has applied for a couple and has been knocked back. He seems reluctant to look any more. I know he is comfortable at home. It is his safe place. He doesn't want to apply for unemployment benefits. He spends a lot of time on his computer and phone. He no longer using social media. Has no contact with friends, only us at home. He has tried phycology. Refuses to try medication. He so clever, gorgeous young man and I feel I am slowly losing him.

Tips for coping with addicted partner

replies: 4

My partner is addicted to drugs and has anger problems. He has tried to quit but doesn’t last a week. I think he needs rehab but he needs to want to help himself. tips on how to cope because leaving him isn’t what I want.

Psychosis and addiction

replies: 7

I have been with my partner for 5 years, we are 24. He is a regular drug user. Early 2020, after a lot of strange behaviour from him including: climbing trees naked at midnight; erratic driving with me in the car; FaceTiming his mum while smoking; telling me I can’t read social queues/have poor social intelligence; telling me that I act like prey when talking to men and need to control the situation; calling me slurs repeatedly; "I've taught you so much what have you taught me". Long story short - He ended up as an inpatient in the psych ward for two weeks, I decided to leave the relationship as I had endured this behaviour for months, he was told he had experienced drug induced psychosis and was placed under an 'order' to keep taking antipsychotic medication. He hated the way it made him feel -depressed, suicidal. We mended our relationship and he was happy to not smoke anymore and so we thrived for a while. He chose to start smoking and slowly increased to a worse rate than before. December '21, I started noticing some out-of-character behaviour ( ninja moves, evil glares at me, increased aggression over things that he typically wouldn't react to, not letting me attend my work xmas party, not sleeping) this ignited the same bodily response in me to last time (fight or flight gut feeling) and I promptly had his mum visit, he ended up back in the psych ward for 11 days and back on medication. The drs told him that if he continues to smoke and have psychotic episodes that he could end up with schizophrenia. I tried to make it clear to him that I love him and want to support him but if he continues to chose to smoke with this knowledge he now has then I may need to just put myself first and leave. He of course agreed in the moment but when he got home tried to negotiate to just smoke less (once a fortnight), which I know once he has the drug he won't be able to regulate because he is certainly addicted to it. He smoked it the first night he got home because he found a tiny little bit where I hadn't cleaned up. I'm conflicted and exhausted. Last time I followed my heart and I just ended up in the same position again. Its a real 'fork in the road' moment, I couldn't imagine having children in this situation but I don't know how to leave and not feel guilty.

Single family member unable to find partner

replies: 3

Hi all I have a family member struggling to find a partner in life for a few years now. During that time she’s watched all her family around her get married and have babies (her dream for herself). Over time this has led to depression and an anger and hatred for life. She lives alone in a small apartment (it’s what she wants). She doesn’t just sit at home and give up she tries over and over to meet someone but over time has developed less patience and more anger at those she meets which does show. As her family we are really struggling to cope with her constant anger, withdrawals, being punching bags but most importantly we are frustrating and exhausted at trying to know how to support her and help her in something we can’t control. She feels life is not worth living if she can’t find a man. I am writing this after sending a message to her saying enough is enough I won’t put up with you using me being a target of your anger anymore. I know this was the wrong thing to say but honestly don’t know what to say anymore after so many years. Please provide guidance.

Isolated FIFO partner is very depressed

replies: 4

Hi, my partner is FIFO in another state. We met at beginning of covid crisis, then he had to work away for 3 months. He cries a lot and gets drunk every night. He says he’s a high functioning alcoholic but wants to change. He had proposed to me and we were considering eloping end of last year. But in September his best mate died from drug overdose. He’s been very lost and lonely since then, but he promised he would NEVER do anything like that. He’s away atm on 6 month contract. I was with him for some time but had to come home for my elderly mum. Sadly borders closed and I couldn’t fly back to him. He was alone for a week over Christmas. His 2 teenagers couldn’t fly over there to be with him either. Then he got very sick the day before he was due back at work. He had to have another 5 days off. All alone. In meantime, I’m home with family. I tried to include him for NYE, but he just got mad at me. I wanted to break up with him. I gave him a day of space then I text to ask he was Ok. He told me he’s really depressed and been bawling every day. He’s always very soft and emotional. And I’m sure he has abandonment issues. Unfortunately, I am still unable to fly back to him and he can’t come home til Feb because of his contract. His communication is only a fraction of what we used to. I was convinced he wants me to break up with me but avoiding the confrontation. Maybe he’s chatting to other female friends and hoping I will just go away. Then I wondered if he feels inadequate / shame for being so depressed. He’s ordinarily the life of the party. After speaking to a counsellor and reading a few threads on this site, I’m starting to understand the impact of depression on men. The pain. How they withdraw, hide. And I realise depression sucks life right out of a person, making Texting & chatting very hard work. I asked him to let me help. That’s what he would say to me. I suggested he see a counsellor. I told him he’s not the only one hurting. I struggle with him being FIFO when he’s on normal roster, but being away for months is excruciating. As much as it’s very painful and confusing, I am giving him space. Today we sent few short texts to each other, He said he felt good in the morning but then started to go downhill. My last message was just 3 hearts. Is there anything else I can do to help him? I understand I can’t control him or fix him. And I know I need to take care of myself first and foremost.

Helping depressed son

replies: 14

As I have read so many posts on this topic I realise that I am facing the same dilemma as many other parents of depressed teenagers. Sadly I don't take any comfort in this as there is no quick fix or one solution to the problem. My 19yo son has depression- ongoing for about 2 years and is now worse than ever. He has previously tried counselling which was unsuccessful (at least 10 sessions) and has tried medication on several occasions but won't stick with it long enough to see if there is any improvement. He will not return to his doctor for follow-up or agree to persevere with medication and as an 'adult' I can't force him. He quit his job a few months ago, no longer has any contact with friends either in person or on social media, stopped driving his car and has his phone switched off. He spends most of his time in his room and all efforts to get him to engage in any activities with the rest of the family are unsuccessful. I have had many discussions with him in the last few months about ways to improve his mental health but I have stopped pleading with him to see doc or continue with meds and for the last 2 weeks have kept discussions light and have not mentioned anything about his mental health. I have sought phone and in-person counselling because my son won't talk to anyone but on every occasion, their focus has been on my mental health and I feel I am getting nowhere with support or strategies to help my son. It is emotionally draining to see someone you love like this every day and be unable to help. I have read everything I can on helping someone who refuses help and I'm now left wondering do I sit back and do nothing? He is not a talker and won't open up to anyone. Any suggestion of involving a friend or another family member to talk with him would be refused. I feel that I have exhausted all options to get through to him and worry that nothing is going to change. Feeling drained but still searching for answers.....

Help, My wife has bipolar and I can’t help getting frustrated and resentful

replies: 1

Hi, (First time poster) My wife has just been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2. So she has very long chronic episodes of depression, anxiety, and also has OCD. It is a new diagnosis but not a new one hung in our lives. She has had major depressive disorder/bipolar for 20years. She regularly sees a psychologist and psychiatrist and goes to gym takes her meds etc. I absolutely love my wife and want to always say supportive things and be loving but I am just exhausted. We have an 18month old baby (I was his birth mum) and am primary care giver. My wife works full time and pretty much outside of work she is completely exhausted and depressed she just wants to be in bed and doesn’t have the energy or the capacity to deal with anything else. I work 3 days a week and have our 18month old the other days. I am exhausted. Deeply want some help and get frustrated with her always being on her phone and in a slump on the couch. Like she manages so well despite her depression, she goes to work etc it’s impossible to remember she’s got bipolar ans feeling shit when all I want is a break and some time out to recoup too! how do you all do it? I feel like I’m failing my 18m old and wife

my 35 year old son has schizotypal disorder but has no insight and is untreated

replies: 6

Hi, How can we get our 35 year old son, who has been unwell for 16+ years to accept he has a mental illness that is negatively affecting his life. He has had two stays in hospital in the past 3 years and was put on an involuntary treatment order to which he didn't comply. He has distanced himself from us and has been homeless for the past 2 months and has no insight to his illness. It is heartbreaking as he is such a remarkable human whom we love and adore and WILL not give up on. We have currently listed him on the Missing persons register and are hoping he presents sometime soon as last contact by phone he was clearly unwell. This has been a long haul for our family and we have exhausted every avenue to get him the help he deserves however we are constantly told that he needs to want the help that is offered - DER!!!!! he doesn't believe he has an illness so why would he want help. It is so frustrating! I just would like to know if anyone is in the same boat or have been and found a solution. So tired and want my son to live his best life.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Carers payment for my partner and I replies: 3

Helping my dad who won't help himself replies: 3

How to help adult child with anxiety replies: 5

Tips for coping with addicted partner replies: 4

Psychosis and addiction replies: 7

Single family member unable to find partner replies: 3

Isolated FIFO partner is very depressed replies: 4

Helping depressed son replies: 14

Help, My wife has bipolar and I can’t help getting frustrated and resentful replies: 1

my 35 year old son has schizotypal disorder but has no insight and is untreated replies: 6