Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Hard to Live With

replies: 1

My 16 year old daughter suffers from anxiety/depression. She has been on medication for 10 months now which has helped a bit. Lately she has been getting more and more moodier. She can be extremely happy one minute then suddenly is very disrespectful, swears and gets angry when we say no or is told to clean up after herself. She doesnt want to talk when I ask her what is wrong. We stopped seeing the pyschologist as she saw it as a dobbing session and it would make her even angrier. My 12 year old son is starting to stand up for himself when he is getting teased by her but when he gives it back she cant handle it. She lies about what he said to her and twists it into something that will get him into trouble. We cant just let her do and say what she likes so if she has done the wrong thing we give consequences and if she doesnt like it she threatens to kill herself. We then have to spend hours calming her down. How do we know how much is the anxiety/depression and how much is just spoilt brat? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Everlasting Depression- When Will It End

replies: 5

Hi There, In February this year my son developed severe depression after having not experienced it for a good 15 years. His doctor had put him on several different meds to no avail. Finally after being admitted into a depression clinic for a few weeks and once again changing around the meds he started to feel considerably better, almost back to his usual self. However, after about a month of feeling better, it went downhill again and for the past three months has felt severely depressed. So he is once again continually trying new meds. In the early days of his latest spout of depression my family and I always had hope, and used this to help him realise that he will be feeling better in no time, and to just be patient and let the meds do their job. 8 months down the track in September I sit here writing on this forum not knowing what to do. I don't know whether I should help my son find a new doctor, or keep him with his current one, I am just so very confused in trying to help him and do whats best for him. It is so difficult to try and convey hope to someone for so long while seeing no results, and at the same time maintaining hope yourself. I really don't know what to do. It breaks my heart to see my son in this state. He wants to get better, nothing seems to be working. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, should we maybe get a second opinion from another doctor, has anyone had a similar experience with meds just not seeming to work? I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks.

Am I doing the right thing?

replies: 2

Hi there, Hubby has been going through a rough trot at work, usual thing, staff cut so he has to carry his load and also the load of the staff member whose contract was not renewed. I knew he felt pressured and it didn't helped that I was away visiting my daughter in London. We had skyped each other and he told me that he wanted to bring his retirement date forward, which we did just before I left. Whilst I was away, he told me how he felt and also, that he was not coping but he did promised me not to do anything rash. I guess, I didn't suspected how anxious and unhappy he was. So, it came as a bit of a shock to see how much his mental health has deteriorated whilst I was away. Hubby wanted to resign almost immediately but I didn't think he should do so whilst he is feeling so demoralised and depressed. I thought it is better that he seeks treatment for his anxiety and depression before resigning. With the help of Beyondblue, I have located a GP trained in identifying mental health but the appointment is not until Thursday. I am kind of hoping with treatment, he would then be able to be in a better frame of mind to decide whether he should accept early retirement. I also did make a promise to him that I will support him unconditionally, if it becomes too tough for him. My question now is, am I doing the right thing by insisting on seeking treatment first before resigning or should I encourage him to resign immediately? The thing is, I am worried that he will discontinued treatment if he resigned and at his age trying to find another job will be tough. I don't think he could cope with more rejections. I will be interested in hearing your thought / opinion.

I am the Cancer in my partners life

replies: 1

I have been with my partner for nearly 11 yrs and love him deeply .. But it's getting to the point I want to RUN... I have always from day one know there was an underlying issue with him by the statements he makes & how everyone has done him wrong .. Tho I thought I could change that with love and surport .. Suggestive changes about letting go ... My man is a self starter and stylish person who coming from a large family and being a twin .. Yes .. Intelligent go getter .. But faced lots of hard knocks in life. Gets up and goes on .. Tho never at fault as he is the good guy . i have tried always to see the other beautiful side of him hopping that he will let go . because I know the beautiful side of him and my nature I have givern in ..the vile and hatred he throws at me and always my fault is starting to take its toll and I am ready to run .. But I cant never his fault ... I've realised our friends are gone and his behaviour is getting worse .. Spoiled brat would best describe it .. I have suffered a business loss and unfortunately him a illness so that alone doesn't help .. Nothing I do is ever good enough he wants to end it and then has a plan on what I need to do to make him happy guidance please ..

Worried about my Mum?

replies: 5

Hi, For the last month or more my Mum has been suffering with depression and anxiety, she was diagnosed by the doctor and has been seeing him regularly, he told her to go see a psychologist twice and she did and the psychologist said she can't help my Mum until she sees a psychiatrist. She's going to see a psychiatrist soon and is taking medication currently. She's been spending a lot of time by herself in her room lately and I believe she's been drinking alcohol quite frequently but I'm not sure. Today I noticed scratches on her wrist and when I asked her about it she said she hurt herself looking for something in the shed but I think she could of been purposely hurting herself and it makes me physically sick to think about it. Is there any way I can help her? I really don't know what to do but I'm always worried about her lately. Thanks in advanced for your help.

Finding it difficult to cope with BPD spouse

replies: 6

I have been married 2 years now. Just till recently I regarded my wife's unwanted anger as some personality trait of her. Then I found out it might be Borderline Personality issue. One moment she is happy complimenting me and in next very minutes she is in extreme fury- a total 90 degree turn. Its so difficult to communicate. Most of the time I am so afraid that she will start off again. She starts off at very minor thing. Like I may be busy watching TV and I don't hear what she said. Or I forgot to fetch something on our way back from market. Just small petty things. I do whatever I can..what ever a man can do. I take care of her every single need. But thats not enough for her. When she is mad; she totally forgets all what I do for her. How can a person get angry at very small things? If I am silent when she is angry; she gets more angry. When I try to argue ; it adds fuel. What do I do? I am so very very very tired. During the last two years the best days were when she was away at her parents. And when I don;t text her back in a minute; she is totally totally mad. I have tried so many times trying to tell her that when I am office its difficult to get right back with a text/call. She always suspects I may be having extra marital affairs..And since I am not getting any companion ship; I am yearning to look out for other possible relationships..Its difficult for me to go out and meet my friends..difficult for me to spend some time with my parents.. I really do not know what to do?

just dont know how to respond

replies: 4

My husband has suffered with anxiety and depression for some time now and I do try very hard to look for the signs of mood changes. He has on occassion spoken about suicide and that life may be easier for all if he were not hear. Of course I know this is not true but I have no idea what to say to help him through those thoughts. Any advise would be helpfull as I'm at a lose and so what to help him.

Remind them they're loved.

replies: 1

I know it can be hard seeing someone you love/know go through this sort of stuff but hopefully this may help. My 16 hear old brother recently got quite a lot of anxiety to the point where he’s now dropped out of grade 10 and doesn’t know whether he will go to college, but honestly, I’ll support him no matter what. The biggest thing to know is to not smother to person. Don’t ask them if they’re okay a lot because this will remind them they’re not okay. Don’t try and be with them all the time, everyone needs their space. Just slowly try and gain their trust to talk, if they don’t feel like they can, show them. Write them a good old school letter reminding them they’re loved, take them to a happy place for a talk, even bringing them a little special gift will make their day so much better. If you feel like they need to be watched constantly, tell me first. Because I know I wouldn’t be comfortable feeling like I’m being watched all the time. No matter where you are, remind them they’re loved and people do care about them a lot.

I seem to just make things worse.

replies: 1

My girlfriend of 6 months suffers from depression and anxiety. It is mostly caused by past relationships; cheating, sexual disinterest, emotional torment, and sexual abuse from males her own age. This has left her with a very poor self image and an emotional state that is very dependant on her partner's. My problem is that I keep getting things wrong, our counselor says that my mistakes are common and most guys make them, but because of my girls past, they are so much more significant. My first major mistake was the use of porn and lying about it. This being my first relationship in 25 years of life, I had developed what might be considered an unhealthy dependency on porn for physical release. Once we started dating I didn't stop using it, not because I was disinterested, but because she lived in another state and I couldn't wait two weeks for sex, I know I was selfish. What made it worse was that instead of telling her what I was doing, I lied about it so she wouldn't think less of me. Once she found out she was heart broken, in her mind I had done as every other guy had done, chosen another woman over her. Now, in her mind, she know for a fact that I wanted to be with other women, plus she couldn't trust me. We almost broke up over it. I didn't take her feelings into account, and the stupid thing is I am still doing it; occasionally I have not told her about things because I was worried how she would react, or I'd say things to try and calm her down instead of being honest, or I'd be confronted with her anxiety about me looking at other women and I myself would shut down because I didn't know what to do to help her, this made her feel abandoned. I just don't know what I'm doing here, I love her and want her to be hapoy with me, but everything just goes wrong everytimw I open my mourh.

Girlfriend with depression, help.

replies: 1

Hi guys, Before anything, sorry for any spelling mistake. My stituation is as it follows: i'm dating for almost three months now, my grilfriend has been fight with depression for 10 years, she is on treatment, drugs, and just started therapy, she was diagnosed with a little of the three types. She has also just left a VERY bad realationship (8 months +-) that hurt her a lot. Thursday, her Premenstrual syndrome started, and she also entered in a 'crisis'. She closed her self off, wished to be alone, no contact, physical, or otherwise. With time she got better, started to reply to my text with more frequency, and all that. We spend sometime togheter on sunday, untill it started to be too much to her, then she left (we spent 8hrs, give or take, togheter). Monday went ok. Tuesday she started to push me away. Wednesday i asked (bugged, really) her, and she told me that she was angry about something, wished to be calm, before talking about it, and that she wasn't sure if she wished to keep dating, even though we love each other, because i sometimes remember her ex, we are different and all that. The thing is, the week before was perfect, we are getting closer and closer as time goes by, but now she is like this. I think what i whish to know is: - Could her Premenstrual syndrome have started this 'crisis'? - Is it normal for people with depression have doubts about keep going with relationships? I know it is like that, she is 'ok' for now, and then she is not. I was very hurt with she acting like this, but i know i can't heal/fix her, i can only support and be there for her. What can I do to help her? Give her some space to deal with it, keep acting like normal, sending text (she reply, sometimes), while she deals with it? Or what? Please, give me some advice.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Hard to Live With replies: 1

Everlasting Depression- When Will It End replies: 5

Am I doing the right thing? replies: 2

I am the Cancer in my partners life replies: 1

Worried about my Mum? replies: 5

Finding it difficult to cope with BPD spouse replies: 6

just dont know how to respond replies: 4

Remind them they're loved. replies: 1

I seem to just make things worse. replies: 1

Girlfriend with depression, help. replies: 1