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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Bananahammock My ex has BPD, and I abandoned her. *trigger*
  • replies: 1

Hello all, I left my bpd girlfriend seven months ago. We recently reconnected (I initiated this) and I feel I truly know now what is needed to care for someone with mental illness. I'm working on a lot of self education and well-being to make sure I'... View more

Hello all, I left my bpd girlfriend seven months ago. We recently reconnected (I initiated this) and I feel I truly know now what is needed to care for someone with mental illness. I'm working on a lot of self education and well-being to make sure I'm as prepared as possible to be the supportive and understanding person she needs. I walked out (4 times) on somebody with abandonment fears, so she understandably doesn't believe or trust me. I've tried everything to show her I care, to let her know I'm here for her, but it's being met with a lot of anger, again, understandable. I know she loves and misses me. I know she's hurt by my actions, I know she doesn't want to be hurt more. I guess my question is, have you overcome or learned to cope with abandonment and trust worries after a partner let you down? I love her to bits, I want the best for her, and I know I can't force my feelings onto her.. She doesn't have a large support group, so I am worried a little.. It's almost like I'm the only one she can talk to, though I'm also the source of her pain. I want to let her know I'm here for her without making things worse or pushing her away. Any thoughts, advice, constructive criticism would be very welcome. Kind regards, BH

Bananahammock Seeking support / advice, BPD ex-girlfriend.
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, I'm new here. I've been apart from my ex, who suffered from BPD and depression, for 7 months. We've worked things out previously, though I physically left four times. The time apart has made me look at my own role in things, and I'm returni... View more

Hey guys, I'm new here. I've been apart from my ex, who suffered from BPD and depression, for 7 months. We've worked things out previously, though I physically left four times. The time apart has made me look at my own role in things, and I'm returning to therapy, educational tools and some sessions with a Buddhist monk to explore mindfulness and other skills. Probably too little too late, but I feel I really understand now what it takes to support a loved one with mental illness and, well, I want to be there for her. We recently reconnected (my doing) and I know she is in a lot of pain. I know she still misses and loves me, but the abandonment and shame is something I can see she is struggling with, and rightfully so. Guess I'm wondering if any of you have been in the situation where you felt you had to leave, but were able to return and get your relationship back on track later on. How did you discuss and handle the fear of abandonment brought on by your leaving? What were the best skills you learned to ensure the same old mistakes weren't made? I've let her know I'm here for her and I've done everything possible to reassure her of my intentions, and I'm sure she even believes me at times, it's just the fear of being hurt again is understandably a huge hurdle. She's also (I believe) worried about the shame of telling friends and family we are together again, after sharing our on again off again history with them in the past. Thanks in advance for any advice. BH

Melody123 How do you help someone who blames you for the depression
  • replies: 3

My husband has a history of depression and in the past three months we have both been under a lot of stress, we have been arguing a lot, and now he is severely depressed. He blames me for his depression, he has said he no longer loves me and has thre... View more

My husband has a history of depression and in the past three months we have both been under a lot of stress, we have been arguing a lot, and now he is severely depressed. He blames me for his depression, he has said he no longer loves me and has threatened to separate or commit suicide. I can see we have just been very overcommitted lately and have not had any time to relax, and some thigs have gone badly due to factors outside our control, he has also had other unrelated health problems. I have not handled the stress well either and have been more argumentative than usual as I feel my own mental health and self control slipping. He is adamant its all my fault, that I have not been supportive enough. He will not talk to anyone else about this, I have suggested a councillor, or family, he refuses. He said he is done talking to me. He has completely withdrawn and is not speaking to me, it's day 2. How can I help him when he pushes me away? Do I just give him space and wait?

Sazz Where's The Help??
  • replies: 2

It's Mental Health Awareness but what does that mean?? My daughter has been desperately unwell with depression for the last 5 months. We've been to doctors, rang helplines etc but, really, where is the actual help? It just seems to be lip service.Aft... View more

It's Mental Health Awareness but what does that mean?? My daughter has been desperately unwell with depression for the last 5 months. We've been to doctors, rang helplines etc but, really, where is the actual help? It just seems to be lip service.After waiting 4 weeks we finally managed to get an appt with a psych at a clinic that deals only with depression and anxiety, which is ideal, however after talking with the psychiatrist we were told my daughter couldn't be admitted because she doesn't have private health. She used to be on our policy however at a certain age they are taken off automatically. I rang the health fund (whom we've been with for years) and asked if we could join her up as an individual and if they could possibly waive the 2 month waiting period. The answer was NO.I asked the psych if we could pay ourselves - again NO, my daughter had to have private insurance. I don't blame the psych, it's the policy of the clinic however what are we supposed to do? My daughter was sent home. To a house on her own, as she won't come back with me. She doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep, can't work, cries all the time and is desperately depressed. A normal hospital doesn't cater to specific mental health issues such as depression and she won't go to one of them. She said it would be too traumatic. So here we are mental health week with lots of talk and conferences and breakfasts and VIP speeches but what's it all for ??Nothing that I can see

speebonk3 I don't know how to help my girlfriend
  • replies: 2

Hi,I've been on this site a couple of times looking for advice, but never got an account. My girlfriend has been suffering depression for a long time now, maybe 3 or 4 years. I've tried to help her in every way I can, but I just don't know how to any... View more

Hi,I've been on this site a couple of times looking for advice, but never got an account. My girlfriend has been suffering depression for a long time now, maybe 3 or 4 years. I've tried to help her in every way I can, but I just don't know how to anymore. I've spent hours researching, but I'm lost. She finally went and saw a therapist, after resisting doing so for quite a while, but it resulted in her breaking down in tears and shouting at the councillor. And now she thinks that proves that she is a lost cause and cannot be helped. She has self-harmed a lot, and has attempted suicide 3 times. Somedays she is alright, but others she is distant and quiet, completely different to her usual self. I never know if she is smiling for real or faking it anymore. She doesn't sleep and she rarely eats. Sometimes she hears voices putting her down and she occasionally hallucinates. I don' t know what to do, at 15 I don't have any experience with this. I don't sleep anymore either, but I don't really care about me, it's my girlfriend that needs the help. So what can I do, she won't take medication and she isn't ready for therapy?beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Katie_A Lack of Practical Support for People with a Severe Mental Illness
  • replies: 2

I think Mental Health Week is a good time to remind the Federal and Victorian Governments that - above all else - people with a serious, chronic mental health disability need practical support in the form of subsidised, safe, clean, stable housing th... View more

I think Mental Health Week is a good time to remind the Federal and Victorian Governments that - above all else - people with a serious, chronic mental health disability need practical support in the form of subsidised, safe, clean, stable housing that is not overcrowded. Boarding houses are not appropriate accommodation for someone with a serious mental health disorder. They, along with our prisons, are becoming dumping grounds! Deinstitutionalisation was a positive move, but when is it going to be replaced with more appropriate social housing? Q.L.D.'s Housing and Support Program (HASP) is a welcome step in the right direction. Another major form of practical support that people with a chronic, serious mental illness need is subsidised, long-term psychiatric/psychological treatment. The support that is currently being provided is extremely piecemeal and grossly inadequate. There are many people who are seriously ill but receiving little or no treatment for their condition because they cannot afford private health cover. Brief seems to have become the new catch cry in mental health circles, presumably because brief means cheap. However, brief and cheap therapies are only really helpful for people with mild to moderate conditions rather than severe and chronic ones. When people's basic needs, e.g. for quality sleep, sound nutrition, privacy, safety and security are ignored, they are likely to fall through the cracks, and it is not necessary to conduct research to understand why!

daisy33 Moving forward in a difficult (at times) relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi ... my first visit and I'm humbled by many of the posts I've read and amazed at the courage of people who are living with mental illness and that of the people who love them. I wasn't quite sure which forum to post in and I chose this one because ... View more

Hi ... my first visit and I'm humbled by many of the posts I've read and amazed at the courage of people who are living with mental illness and that of the people who love them. I wasn't quite sure which forum to post in and I chose this one because my issue is essentially a relationship one. My partner was diagnosed with Bipolar II 3 years ago, we've been together 5 years, and we're in our 60s. We're both lucky - we work full time in satisfying jobs and we're healthy and active. He understands his illness and how difficult it can be for both of us, and we are able to talk openly about it. I love my partner very much and when he's well we get along very well and enjoy life together. But of course there's the down side. We've had many problems with his behaviour, and the way I react to it, and we've split up several times - most recently 4 months ago at the time of my brother's death. The time we've spent apart has confirmed for me that I love him and want to work together to make our relationship the best it can be. Not just go back to the way we were ... stumbling along really ... enjoying the good times and not at all handling the bad times. He's very happy for us to give it another go but nervous that when he has an episode, we'll separate again and there'll be more heartache. I’m nervous as well, but I want to commit for the long term and I feel positive about moving forward. I've been reading a lot about BP2 and increasing my understanding. I know there'll be more challenging times ahead, and I'm sure we'll need some support and help with managing those times. I think a good counsellor is what we need but feel quite overwhelmed about finding the right person.

Juno How to get help for my nephew
  • replies: 1

My nephew is almost 21 years old and he seems to be paranoid, suffers with stress, anxiety and depression. I am not sure what to do for him or how I can help him. Any suggestions?

My nephew is almost 21 years old and he seems to be paranoid, suffers with stress, anxiety and depression. I am not sure what to do for him or how I can help him. Any suggestions?

Tryingtosupport Tempted to distance from depressed friend
  • replies: 3

I have been friends with a girl for 10 yrs who suffers depression. at times have been concerned that our friendship has taken on a more mentor/counsellor role then a true friendship I'd say about 90%f our time together is spent talking out her issues... View more

I have been friends with a girl for 10 yrs who suffers depression. at times have been concerned that our friendship has taken on a more mentor/counsellor role then a true friendship I'd say about 90%f our time together is spent talking out her issues it's been quite draining from time to time but I've never considered giving up on her. Sometimes she self medicates with alcohol which I find hard to deal with as my mother was an abusive alcoholic so at times our friendship is triggery as well as draining. When she is happy she is brilliant and charming, but I feel as though I only see this side of her in a group setting. I've been dealing okay until recently. I had to go home at short notice and rang her to tell her my sister was contemplating suicide and didn't really get a response. my niece was diagnosed with a personality disorder, has been using drugs and physically and emotionally abused my sister horribly. I also found the time staying at my mothers home difficult due to childhood abuse. I got home and was emotionally exhausted, for the first time ever I told my friend that I was having trouble coping with things, she didn't even ask about my sister and told me how depressed and angry she was feeling about a guy. I tried to open up as I rarely do as I've dealt with my past as best I can through counselling and healthy lifestyle choices so I think for me to say I'm having a hard time is quite out of the ordinary. I told her what I went through on leave, some of my childhood issues and that I was feeling bad enough to have made an appointment with a psychologist. She said something along the lines of "yeah life's hard when it's different from how you want it to be" then proceeded to talk and cry about this guy again. I was a bit disappointed but when she rang today to meet up I agreed but she focused on this guy again. She wanted to get together again tomorrow and I agreed but then changed my mind, I'm drained with my own stuff, I can't carry her right now and am a bit hurt that she isn't really there for me. I sent her a message saying I needed space as I was feeling emotionally exhausted and her reply was about how she appreciated me been there for her and proceeded to talk about the guy again! I just think I need space from this friendship right now but feel so guilty as I know that depression can often look like self absorption and I don't want to abandon her as her family largely have. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Pawsitive Struggle street with partner
  • replies: 17

Hi all, New to the forum and need some advice. My wife has told me that she has depression - this isn't a new revelation for us, as she has been struggling with it for some time. She previously sought some professional help, then stopped due to the c... View more

Hi all, New to the forum and need some advice. My wife has told me that she has depression - this isn't a new revelation for us, as she has been struggling with it for some time. She previously sought some professional help, then stopped due to the costs involved, and is now trying an online course to help her out. I think this is a positive. I can't see her considering medication at all. While I don't think depression needs justification, there have been enough difficulties in her life to warrant it, so I try to be understanding. However, it's very frustrating for us both. As a very optimistic/excitable person, I struggle daily to understand where she's coming from, her mood swings (or not feeling anything at all). Her libido is non-existent, which in turn has caused me a lot of body image issues myself (previously I've had an eating disorder so these things affect me more than they should), but she has become paranoid that I'm going to cheat on her and leave her and says this is the reason she's starting to pull away from me (she has had crazy girlfriends in the past that did so). I then become paranoid that she's falling out of love with me, and it exacerbates the issue. Anything I say, if it can be remotely considered a negative, she manages to misconstrue into some crazy self-criticism - and I hate to think that I'm contributing to this, but I don't just want to keep her out of the loop on my thoughts. Maybe I should for now? She tells me a lot that she's "putting on a face" and always has, and in turn that I don't know who she really is/only get along with the 'fake' her as when she doesn't have the energy to keep up the front we end up having a fight. We've been arguing more than lately, and I try to not get involved but it just comes out of nowhere and is so unexpected. She has no interest in having hobbies of any kind, and I feel she begrudges me my own interests and makes negative comments about them, and has lost all the passion she used to have for social justice issues etc saying she "doesn't care". She doesn't want any friends, and as we do most things together our social life has practically died, and has no interest in planning for our future. I am not going to leave her, but am filled with dread as to whether we will have an argument, or how she's going to be feeling... A little lost in what to do here. How can I help her? How long does this go on for? Am I being selfish in feeling impatient over it all? Is anyone else feeling like this?