Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

i need some advice please

replies: 1

Hi, all, and thank you for reading. I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, we've been through a lot together and love each other very much. We're in our mid 20s, so lately we have been talking and planning our future. Last year, with full support from my boyfriend, I moved to the other side of the state to pursue my master's degree. Long distance is hard, but I think we made it work and had a great summer together. In June, after a little fight-he emotionally broke down. He said things like "I feel like something broke inside of me." and "I physically can't think of how another person thinks/feels" etc. He tried to break up with me, and instead we met at a halfway point and decided that he needed to start therapy. He seemed to feel a lot better after seeing me. I know he struggled with depression before we met, and has even been on medication. This summer, he started therapy. I've been really unsure about his therapist. I've never met her, but from what he told me, I fear she might be making things worse. She seems to make pretty harsh judgements upon me and his father. Calling his father autistic (which he is NOT), saying I like controlling him, saying I'm a women who sounds like I don't know what I want..etc. I just don't really think it's her place to make these judgements. And I wish they spent more time talking about my boyfriend and his depression vs the faults of me and his father. I have voiced concern over her before, but my boyfriend (let's call him J), accused of being controlling and I backed off. So I've been back to school for about a month now, and after a small fight last week, J called me and broke up with me. He called me to do it an hour after his therapy apt. I'm really heartbroken, but I'm more worried about him. We've had no contact since..but I sent him a letter. In the letter I voiced that I loved him, but that he needed more help. He hasn't contacted me at all or acknowledged the letter. I miss him like crazy, but I really worry that if I reach out, he'll pull more and more away. But I want him to really understand, I love him regardless. And I really think with some more help, we could make this work. I really believe he can work through all these issues. I feel like his therapist may be taking advantage of J being depressed, and influencing him... Should I reach out to him more? I really want to invite him into town this weekend, but I'm so afraid of pushing him away. .Any advice is helpful....what should I do?

Anyone else have young child with anxiety/ depression?

replies: 13

Hi there, My eight year old daughter 'L' suffers anxiety. She was 6 when we first sought help for it. Last year she seemed pretty good, but this year has been awful. We have been seeing a psychologist for months to no avail. Currently waiting to get in to a different one. We saw a psychiatrist a couple of weeks ago. He said she has OCD, a diagnosis I'm not entirely convinced about - we are waiting for another (cancellation) appointment to discuss medicating her. I'm reluctant to medicate, but also feel I have no choice - the treatment for anxiety/ depression/ OCD would all be the same - a mild antidepressant. Our family is struggling to live with L. She is quick to anger, rude, snappy, defiant. Her younger sister is beginning to learn the bad behaviours, and I'm pretty sure feel sad that her big sister is mean to her all the time. We also have an 18 month old son who is growing up in a house of yellers. It's hard to distinguish between behaviour relating to the disorder(s), and simply bad behaviour. It undermines our confidence to parent how we might otherwise. L is also clever - in the recent Year 3 NAPLAN tests she was in the top 10% across all the subjects except maths, where she was still well above average. I'm hoping there are others on these forums who are in/ have been in the same boat, and can share their experiences - with medicating, strategies that help, perhaps some stories with a happy ending? I feel like I've failed my family. It is the most disharmonious place. I would never have imagined that a young child could cause so much unhappiness, and be so unhappy. It is just awful. Looking forward to 'meeting' others who might help, or at least sympathise. Thanks.

9 year old with a lot going on

replies: 1

Hi,I'm new to the forums on here. We have a 9 year old son. Diagnosed HFA, GAD and looking into OCD and PTSD.AT the beginning of last year his world was changed at school completely. He had a really bad time couldn't cope and long story short we ended up having to remove him from school and school him via distance education.After finishing the year really well we decided this year we would homeschool but start to reintergrate him into mainstream schooling.He is struggling big time often only going for an hour in the morning and when we get home hiding in his room for an hour or 2 before he will come and finish the rest of the days work at home.He hates not finishing his work and hates getting anything wrong.Any sight of the old schools uniform or a staff member sends him into a panic.This whole situation breaks my heart because he is such a keen learner.I am feeling like we are the only ones with a son like this.Can anyone relate?If so what did you do to help your child? We have seen Psychologist, OT, Paediatrician, Speechy, psychiatrist all wanting to palm us off one therapist to the next.He was on an anti depressant for a short time but was taken off it because of him threatening ot hurt himself and also running away from home.Thanks for reading

Husband refusing to seek help

replies: 3

Hi im new here and could use some advice. For a while my hubby has been struggling with depression. He hates his job (but is at a loss re what he'd like to do) and has a back injury from his army days that is getting worse and he is in constant pain. he has admitted that he's ready to throw in the towel but he's only just hanging on because of me and the kids (8,6 and 1). He refuses to seek treatment and I don't know what I can do to help him. Any suggestions would be welcome. thank you

4 years of living with her now I had to move out...

replies: 16

Hi All, This is the first time that I have been in touch with any form of online support group, so please bear with me I'm a 34 y/o fellow in Vic who has been living with my partner for just shy of 4 years now, but things recently changed. Let's start at the beginning, my partner is 36, she suffersfrom depression, rheumatoid arthritis since 24, mostly managed but flare-ups occur on occasion, narcolepsy (managed). As usual things were great until the new relationship bliss wore off. Before meeting me she had once tried to take her life, she was hospitalised and has not tried it again, saying that, she constantly tells me of how she feels “ I'm not for this world...” and “I hate everything and everyone in the world...” to comments about hurting others that annoy her at times reminding me that the only reason that it hasn't happened again is that she didn't want to put her parents through all of it again, sometimes with a cry of “ I wish my parents would just die so that I can join them." I have also been spending the past four years trying to complete my PhD, a very time consuming task but to her I am just at Uni mucking around... so there's not really much support or understanding there. Now that I'm at the pointy end of the thesis I've had to move out, I couldn't stand the constant depressing conversation, reminders of how the rest of her life is going to be just full of pain and disappointment, that there's nothing to live for. She does have a psych, whom she doesn't see, I can't demand that she sees her psych, as time has proven it will only result in refusal, I understand she needs to come to that conclusion herself. Every single day I wonder "Will she make it home tonight or will she fall asleep at the wheel or get so furious with sunday drivers on the road that she tries to 'teach them a lesson' and end up hurting herself in the process? She has a loving family, parents still married, siblings she gets along with so no clues from childhood. The past year has been very stressful both at home at work, our relationship has been in a constant state of not knowing where I stand and where our relationship is going. I do love her, it's just slowly killing me.Sometimes I wonder if I am just being a massive wimp and to just suck it up, but from lengthy conversations with family mostly result in the conclusion : EJECT! What are you doing in such a toxic relationship? I just don' t know what to do any more...beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Is Depression Hereditary?

replies: 10

Hi, I have suffered clinical Depression for the past 19 years. It has been rough but have been very lucky to have great support from my husband. Our 14 year old son has suffered anxiety on and off growing up. This year he started not eating because he felt so anxious he felt too ill to eat. he ended up in hospital after being diagnosed with Anorexia. Four months later after now being on an antidepressant, his eating has improved but now he is severely depressed. He is having fortnightly counselling. Meds are still being reviewed and increased. When he does go to school he comes home and goes straight to bed. All weekend and school holidays he is in bed. He no longer wants to do anything he previously enjoyed like surfing. He doesn't want to socialize. His grades have slipped dramatically. Has anyone reading this who has had depression for a long time, had a child also with Depression. I blame myself for putting my son through this. It scares me and although I know how he is feeling I feelhelpless to know how to help him. Would love to hear from anyone who can relate to me and share anything that can be helpful. Thanks...Scaredmum

Trying to support my mum

replies: 3

I'm sitting in my room, with headphones on trying to drown out her constant screaming. My mum has always had depression. And I have been trying all my life to support her, I haven't always been the best support, but I'm the only child that didn't bail on her. I'm now 21, and trying to get on with my own life. I'm trying to get out of here, but most of our money goes to bills and rent. My father stole all our money when he left and I'm still trying to get ahead. We just had to move after the house we were renting was sold. The new house is terrible, we are paying more, and the house is smaller and barely functional. The landlords show up every week. We hate it here, but it was all we could get. As annoying as this all is, I generally try to stay positive. But this is sucking the energy from me. Lately all she seems to do is find reasons to fight. She gets up every morning and starts screaming at the air. And I just have to put up with it, no matter what I say she ends up getting annoyed at me. I am sick of being treated like dirt when she feels annoyed at the world. I'm sick of being burdened with her problems. I have issues of my own that I try to deal with. I was diagnosed with PTSD, (we survived Black Saturday) I had to cancel a party tonight, that I had arranged nearly two months in advance. Mainly because she stated "I was forcing this on her." So I explained this was never forced on her and I asked her, her response to this is that "she feels pressured even if I give her the choice.: Basically she expects me to read her mind and try to keep my friends away from here as much as possible. If she had just straight up said no I would understand. I wouldn't care. But instead she says yes, and then when I actually make plans, she looses it at me, and guilt trips me into cancelling the party. This happens often, even if I just ask a friend over, she says yes at the time, and then looses it the next day at me. And if I ask why she said yes instead of no she say "I'm just taking advantage of her illness." The only reason I still live at home is because we both support each other financially, once she is self sufficient I'll be getting away. I love my mom, and we get a long more often then not. But at times like this I just can't stand it. I feel like she uses depression as an excuse to be nasty. I try not to respond to her insults, but it can be difficult. Especially when as soon as I wake up I'm being screamed at about something.

My partner suffers from depression and anxiety but refuses to get treatment and refuses to face the way his anxiety makes him act towards his family.

replies: 2

I myself have suffered from general anxiety disorder and manic depression since I was a child is a good place. I am on anti depressants and they help to to be the person I feel I am not the person I don't like. I say this because as everyone who suffers from these sorts of disorders knows a relaxed, calm, stable home. My problem is that my partner suffers from severe anxiety/depression who unhealthy self medicates with obsessive compulsive behaviours. This causes him to be very negative on a constant daily basis, have little to no patience with our daughter or me, have high expectations to do with the cleanliness of our home (he wants it to be as clean as a hotel room the entire time he is in it and doesn't even like our daughter to eat because she makes a mess, she has gone off food and I am afraid its because he yells at her when she spills things), have angry outbursts for minor reasons (like there being 4 or 5 things on the bench which he deems "disgusting and filthy"), him not wanting to leave the house, Him not being able to cope/I can't trust him to with look after our daughter for even half an hour because he will either not watch he and play with his phone or yell at her for making a mess or just get frustrated with her playing, not being able to trust him with money " gambling", putting me down for not cleaning the house enough (I vacuum, mop,do all dishes and washing, cat trays, clean the garage, tidy the bathrooms, wipe all surfances , put away all toys clean up any food, put all cushions back, make bed, change bins all before he gets home everyday) Honestly I just feel that he is cruel to our daughter and I worry that he is going to affect her self confidence, development, sense of self and self worth with his actions. I have talked and explained and tried to help him see that his actions are negative but if I am honest he seems is too selfish to care about anyone else and that's what makes me angry is that he makes into someone I don't like when I am around him I am just so desperately unhappy and I see it affecting our daughter and he just doesn't seem to care. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him and I want to stick by him because I don't feel that this person he has become is really him at all but I don't know what else to do. I don't feel like I have any choice but to leave for our daughters sake because I can't stand her looking so lost and scared when we fight which is often.

Are we rorting the system?

replies: 4

We have just been to the GP and much to my dismay, she wanted hubby whom she diagnosed as suffering from anxiety and depression to go back to work. So far, he has only been on sick leave for less than three weeks. She prescribed some medication and to avoid side effects, suggested that hubby takes half a tablet and if no side effects present to go on to a whole tablet.When I tried asking for more leave for him, GP thinks I am being over protective and encouraging him to avoid work. She thinks it makes it harder for him to go back and that he may as well retire. I said, that if she insisted that he goes back, he may as well resign for he is still not strong enough to face the work situation. Now, hubby thinks he should go back as he somehow rationalised that the GP thinks we are trying to rort the system. I am both offended and depressed that she would think that.Finally, she agreed to give him more time until I returned back from my trip. I have to be away for a week because my sister is dying of cancer and this maybe the last chance I have of seeing her. I didn't want him to go back to work if I am not here to support him. What do you do if your GP doesn't support you? She said that it is only for one day, to test the water but I know my husband, he would not walk away if he felt that the team is swamped with work. As it is, he felt guilty for taking time off.How do you find a medical practitioner who believe in you and guide you through your mental illness? Help please!

Teenage Insolence or Depression?

replies: 9

I'm not sure if I'm dealing with an extremely insolent 14yr old or a teen suffering from diagnosed depression. 2 years ago I thought I was dealing with a hormonal horror head tween, then a yr ago a suicide attempt proved it was much much worse, a nightmare that was out of control. Meds, doctors, counselling all fail due to her refusal to stick to anything. Her school grades are exceptional and she has talked about going on to uni but the past few months has seen her attitude at home hitting rock bottom to the point I have a strong urge to throw her out. She enjoys many more freedoms than any of her peers and friends and even her older brother, she has admitted as much. To me it's like she is sabotaging any and every opportunity that might help her. I don't know what or who i'm trying to deal with. She hasn't been home since I totally lost it with her last night after she disregarded my request for her to come home from a party where I know she was drinking & smoking. I am in no doubt she is suffering from depression and or anxiety and am doing my best to help and understand so I would like to know if such extreme insolence is a symptom of depression or not?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

i need some advice please replies: 1

Anyone else have young child with anxiety/ depression? replies: 13

9 year old with a lot going on replies: 1

Husband refusing to seek help replies: 3

4 years of living with her now I had to move out... replies: 16

Is Depression Hereditary? replies: 10

Trying to support my mum replies: 3

My partner suffers from depression and anxiety but refuses to get treatment and refuses to face the way his anxiety makes him act towards his family. replies: 2

Are we rorting the system? replies: 4

Teenage Insolence or Depression? replies: 9