Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

englishrose · ‎30-07-2014

Hi,

I am really stuck. My husband has depression and anxiety {Work place related} and with the advice of friends and a psychologist he went up to Queensland with the idea that I would follow with the children at the end of the year. The reason for this was Queensland is sunny and warmer which would help in his healing and it became really hard for him to live where we are living because his workplace is just down the road. Since then it became obvious our fifteen year old son was also suffering from depression and anxiety as well, and with this was self harm and now he is suicidal, he is seeing a psychologist and we have everything in place for his safety. During one of his therapy appointments it became obvious that our son didn't want to move anymore and the reason for this is because we have moved at least eight times in the last thirteen years and he has gone to four different schools. He said he would be happy to live with a friend down here if it became necessary for us to move up there. When I explained this to my husband he told me there was no way that he was going to leave our son down here or live in Victoria and we will have to talk him around. I really don't know what to put anymore pressure on our son or leave him with somebody else. I'm worried it may add more problems onto an already anxious and depressed young man, but I also don't want to live apart from my husband for longer than I have to. He tells me we have to stop allowing people to control our lives and yet he is up there listening to a friend's advice and telling me that I have to go through his brother and friend in relation to anything about moving up there. I'm not married to our friend and his brother, I'm married to my husband. I know he is unable to think things through rationally but I'm close to the end of my tether as I have spent the last two years trying to prevent a member of my family from ending their life. My oldest daughter has come through the other side of depression and anxiety is feeling down herself and I'm worried she is going to slip back into depression. I don't want our family split and I don't want to separate from my husband but the welfare of all our children is important. I can understand him finding living near the work place stressful but surely another part of Victoria wouldn't harm him. Does anybody have any ideas in how I can somehow get a compromise in this situation because I just don't know?

white knight · ‎30-07-2014

Hi ER, welcome here on BB forum.

Stay in Victoria, support your son who is entrenched here with his friends he likely doesnt was to lose.You have no obligation to your husbands friends like you said so ignore them and talk only with him.

Be brave. Trust yourself because you have every reason to. Base your life on priority and at this time your priority is you son not a husband that has himself as his priority.

15 year olds are no longer at the age to do as the parents tell them. Your husband has had his way for too long IMO. 15 year olds cant be dragged where ever the parents want them to go. Enough is enough here.

You cant tell your husband that in a couple of years time things might be different but his timing is out considering your son's situation.

Good luck

englishrose · ‎30-07-2014

Hi white knight,

Thank you for your reply. It has helped me a lot with my decision making and confirmed what I believe to be the white thing to do.

englishrose

AGrace · ‎26-08-2014

Hi englishrose,

I'm pleased that you found some useful advice in WK's post. I was wondering how you and your son are travelling?

What changes have you been able to make? How is your husband doing? Have you spoken with him about your decision? How did he take this?

I hope we will hear back from you.

AGrace

englishrose · ‎27-08-2014

Hi AGrace

Thank you for your post. My son isn't travelling very well, he tried to take his life twice last week and at present he is in hospital because he doesn't feel safe at home, it was his idea to go in. This is a very scary and stressful time for us right now so there is no need to add more stress onto ourselves therefore the move won't be happening.

My husband is up and down, depending on what is happening, but he is receiving help and he has improved greatly. I have found that at times I have had to stand up for what I believe is right and it has paid off, he now understands where I am coming from and how important it is for us to put our son first, but at the same time I have also learnt to be patient with him because he is also suffering from mental illness.

englishrose