At a crossroad.

[tiredarms]

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. In that time he has experienced ever an increasing severity of depression, the likes of which I have never encountered before. He has had to move back home with his family in the country. He sits at home for days on end because he's too exhausted to work or study. I am worried about his health near-constantly which is only aided by constant contact through text message because he can't express himself with any depth of feeling in speech. I have never known him without depression.

What he is experiencing is something I would never wish upon any young person. I try my hardest to be supportive and an ear to listen to what he needs to talk about but it's exhausting trying to maintain the non-judgmental persona with no problems of my own and be another entity away from his family. He says there are no expectations, but if I do something outside of what he sees as helping him to get better, he shuts down and I feel anxious that this time might be the time I've said something so wrong that the next time I hear of him will be a call from the police. It's started that he will be angry with something I've said and I won't muster the caring necessary to smooth the situation down, because I know it will just happen again in a few days.

I know he's exhausted, but so am I. The males of his family all have depression in their medical histories and there's no sign of it going away for any of them any time soon. I don't know whether to hang around and support him or to leave and protect my own mental health.

[Renz2014]

I think you're being incredibly brave in posting about this. I've been at that crossroad many times and I know you might be feeling a strong sense of guilt right now at what you're considering. I hope you're not feeling that, because protecting your own mental health is nothing to feel guilty about.

Has he spoken to his GP or another professional about what's he's going through?

I can't tell you whether to stay with him or not, only you can decide that. I do advise you to reach out to friends and family if you can for your own support; talking openly can really help, at least it has helped me before. Remember that you need support just as much as he does, but he may not be able to give you all the support you need while he's struggling himself. Having a friend to support you and listen to you while you support him can ease the burden.

[tiredarms]

Hi renz2014, thank you for reply!

I think we were both in a really bad place a few days ago and I know this isn't the place to come for decisive advice on whether to continue in a relationship with someone or not but it really helped me to voice things that I don't really feel that I can tell anyone.

He is in near constant contact with either doctors at the local hospital, his GP or a psychologist. Despite these attentions, he attempted suicide on Monday, something I only found out last night. Because of all of the confusing thoughts in his head, he was lashing out and confusing me due to lack of provocation.

 I agree that it's very important to be able to talk to someone about these things going on, but I'm anxious that if I were to tell my family for example, they would put pressure on me to leave him because they don't think it's healthy to have all of this going on when maybe I could be with someone else.

It's a difficult situation, but one which hopefully both of us will come out of in one piece.

[geoff]

dear Tiredams, this is a situation that confronts a lot of people, whether to stay or whether to go, but it's not an easy one to decide on.

When people are depressed their thinking is not clear, because they are incapable of making a proper decision, their mind is clogged with negative thoughts, and on so many occasions it's not well thought through, well actually it is, but in a negative sense.

Unfortunately depression runs in his family, so he's facing extraordinary odds to get better, whether he is not the worst in his family it's still a strong gene that predominates, however this isn't to say that he won't be able to overcome his depression, but a huge challenge.

What concerns me the most is that he has lots of professional help, and with you being in the background, but he can't find a way for any piece, and I'm not including suicide when I say this, so I feel as though he has no one to connect with, and to do this isn't easy at all.

I can't make this decision for you, sure I can say what I believe would be best, but in this incidence it may not be appropriate, however you may gather from what I have said what my answer would be. L Geoff. x