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Are we moving forward or not...

Supporter4
Community Member
Hi. I am living with a partner with depression and anxiety. I feel like his condition really impacts on us and that I can never speak to him about issues in our relationship because it's like he has a golden ticket that he can use to be the reason for everything he does. Even small things get blow so out of proportion if I bring them up, our future is constantly put on hold until he is ready to take a tiny step forward and anytime I ask him about the future he says I'm putting pressure on him... I don't know how I can make myself heard in our relationship because I understand his illness stops him from seeing things clearly. I can't get upset about anything ever, I feel like I can't work towards our future in the way we used to talk about and I'm worried it's never going to happen for us because he's too scared to move forward in anyway. Does the support person for someone with depression often need professional help learning how to live and deal with them? Does anyone else feel like their life is constantly put on hold waiting for them to be ok for a while? 
1 Reply 1

Jacko777
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Supporter 4,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, you pose great questions and I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I certainly do relate to life being hold and I would always recommend visiting a counsellor to get some advice and support. 

So does your husband have a mental health plan/strategy? With a defined strategy you will know where you stand and how he is progressing. Without this it is a difficult situation, without specific goals it is easier for him to avoid the parts of life that makes him anxious. As you know, depression and anxiety are serious illnesses, it takes time to recover and it will impact your relationship. And I should say, he is lucky to have you, you are caring and loving and you are seeking improvement which is great, well done, keep going. So as much as I got a giggle out of the golden ticket analogy, maybe it is time to drop this thinking, maybe it doesn't serve you to think this way and maybe your partner IS acting out of his illness.

It helps me to check my emotion some times, drop it out for a while and look at issues from a new angle. Maybe the things that you need to address for your future could be worked on another way, change the location, over coffee? Perhaps you can go solo for now with the long term goals and work it back to what needs to happen today and then include your partner in the daily goals/activities.

Let's foster hope that your partner is recovering and that this will all improve soon. Talk any time.

Jack