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Instead of harming myself I now........(list three of four dot points)

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi lovely people

I just wanted to start this thread as "self harm" seems to be an increasing topic that I have noticed lately.

Firstly there is some wonderful information at this link:


Some of the discussion I have been involved in I am hearing that the "techniques" that are suggested to people to do or use instead of hurting themselves is "silly", "don't work", "well if it was that easy I wouldn't be here". So I want to reach out to anyone and everyone to perhaps put down three or four or as many as you feel comfortable to, tips that DO WORK for you.

I have suggested smashing plates, in a controlled space of course and not your mum's best plates either! Do you think this would work?

I think knowledge is power and the more we share knowledge we can use it to help others and to make a difference, a real difference in someone else's healing.

I also understand this is a sensitive topic but if you feel comfortable to share what works for you or what you need in that time that stops you from hurting yourself that would be so helpful.

Please be mindful this is a sensitive topic so just dot point the things you do instead of hurting yourself.

Huge hugs to you all.

Sarah xxx

89 Replies 89

Hey mimicry

Thank you for sharing how you manage and also for raising a really valid point, which is that just as music can make us feel good, it can also remind us of pain or sad times or just make us feel down in general. That is the thing about feelings, they don't know what is good and what is bad, they just respond, show up if you like. And that is also a very good reminder that just as we are able to feel pain and sadness, should that not mean that we are also able to feel joy and happiness? even in the smallest of amounts.

Nature is a wonderful thing and I found especially at this time that we are coming out of lockdown in Melbourne, that things like a beach trip, a walk in a park, these small treasures that were restricted are now so much more important now that they are back. A reminder to appreciate the small things.

Thank you for sharing and look forward to chatting some more to you.


Hello Sarah and all reading here,

There are some wonderful suggestions, ideas, strategies and thoughts here. I greatly appreciate everyone sharing.

I am going to go back and read more of this thread and make some notes of ideas I can adapt to assist myself.

At the moment I am putting together a container of items and ideas I can use when I am feeling like I really need some distraction but don't have a clue what to do.

I'm thinking of creating some kind of visual display instead of just words on a page with suggestions.

Many years ago I used a small photo album and put pictures in it including images of a nice cup and teapot on a table, a beach, a craft project, flowers, a candle and so on. Actually seeing what was possible worked for my mind.

It is helpful to read other people's lists!

I'm really thankful that right now I am doing remarkably better than earlier on this year!

Wishing you all insight into what will help you.

Cheers from Dools

Hello there 🙂 Hope everyone here is going well today.

Four things that work for me are

Hugging a soft toy

Drawing flowers

Doing mental sums like multiplication tables

Talking to somebody

I also really recommend this app called Calm Harm which has helped me a couple of time. It provides alternative activities such as those that Distract, Vent, etc. etc.

Hi bettertomorrows and All reading,

Thanks for your list bettertomorrows. You have added to my ideas of things to try.

My list looks something like this;

- cleaning the house vigorously or weeding in the garden

-reading a book for distraction

-phoning a support service if nothing much seems to be working

-crocheting, the rhythmic motion of stitching and creating something is sort of soothing.

Hello bettertomorrows

Thank you so much for your suggestions here and I really like the one about doing the mental sums, learning times tables was something I never really got a hold of at school anyway so I can see that would be a really good thing to do to not only distract but to learn something new..well newish..as let's face it, at 46 yo I really should know my times tables.....lol

Thanks so much bettertomorrows and I hope that you are doing well too.

Great to chat to you.


Community Member

Hi All,

I'm seeking some advice on how to carefully deal with my partner who is going through a very bad stage in his life right now. He's depressed, and lately, his go-to mode of getting through the anger is secretly harming himself in little ways. I can't begin to imagine what he's going through right now, but I want to be there for him.

I guess my biggest worry is the self-harm he's doing to himself as a mode of coping. Any advice on how I can be of help and get him through these tough times?

I have been trying to support for a while, but it's making me feel worse of late. Any pointers on how to help him heal?



Hi Madi and welcome to the forums and it is great you are are really supportive of you partner and looking to get advice to help him.
I am wondering if he's talked to his doctor about his depression and seeing a psychologist can be really helpful.Talking to someone who's not close to him might be easier and give great advice.I know it is really hard thing to admit you have depression and are self harming.Do you know if their is any thing that in particular is triggering his depression that is leading to his self harm?I think you just being there for him and knowing you care and try to get him to seek maby professional help.He is so lucky to have such a caring partner in you.
Take care,

Hey MJ

Welcome. I hope you get some guidance to help you. Matchy made good points.

I also live with someone who was self-harming and it was scary. We went to the GP and I left the room so she could talk as openly as she felt she could. We have a MHCP now but it's not easy finding a psych for her.

I called a Helpline when I found out. I usually call 1800RESPECT as they keep notes on us.
The trauma psych said that I need to do "Radical Self-care" and that seemed upside down to me at first. (We already had the GP appt booked).

Reasons being are that WE really need to look after ourselves.
The stronger we are the more capacity we have to care for others.

I could see myself going down fast with all this, so I took her advice on board.
It HASN'T been easy doing self-care for myself.

But 2 months later things are looking way up for the family member previously SHing. It could be that we MODEL good MH practices. The SH person notices. This is what happened here I think.

A few points:
- maintain social interactions & connections
- eat healthy meals
- exercise, just a walk in nature can do wonders.

You need alot of support.
Wishing you the best

Hi Madi,

Welcome to the community here. EM and Mark have offered you some very supportive and helpful suggestions.

The Beyond Blue website also has information you may find helpful for both of you.

When our minds are messed up with so much negativity, it can be hard to see reason and to be able to look at our situation objectively and logically.

Hopefully your care and support will help your partner realise there is hope and change can be made. It might be a case of one step forward and 10 steps back. Hope you can both persevere until circumstances change.

Just having someone acknowledge things are not right can be a huge step towards recovery.

Wishing you both strength to work through this.

Regards Dools

Hi Mari and welcome to the forums.

There has been some really great advice here for you and I am just wondering if you can reach out to your GP to get some support for you too?
It is hard, really hard and very emotional to support someone when they are struggling and so it is important for you to take care of you too, firstly so you can talk through what is happening but also to maintain your mental health too.

As far as supporting for too, you can ask your partner how you can help, what they need in times when they are struggling, what that you are already doing works and maybe things to stop or that are not helping.

Remember though you can not “fix” this and nor is it your responsibility to. Returning to good mental health takes a team of people and one of those people has to be the person themselves.

We are here to talk and to share and to sit with you at this time. I am so sorry you are going through this, but every strength to you and your partner.

Hugs to you both