I hate this time of year & everything about my life

Bbydoll · ‎23-12-2021

I'm suffering from chronic pain issues; auto immune related issues and a body that is basically falling apart. I have no family around except for a brother (and sister in law,and niece), who would rather spend time with their friends - even though I pushed myself to be there for their daughters birthday. My teeth are rotting because of pain meds and I have no way of paying for them to be fixed.. some are now are in my smile line and the idea of loosing teeth there destroys me. My extended family wanted me to join them on Christmas day except for the fact it would be just breakfast as they want to visit their significant others family (not to mention it's a 4 hour round trip for me on public transport on a public holiday), and I can barely function as I'm suffering from tinnitus and vertigo at the moment on top of my usual health issues. I'm struggling to get through to the rest of the year. I've been reaching out via text message to my closest friend - but he's been avoiding me. My other friend just doesn't believe how bad my mental state is; despite having her own issues with depression and suicide. Every year is another year where nothing is achieved and my "bucket list" is further away from ever happening. Even on the rare occasions I'm out socializing; people avoid me. I seem to just repel people. Having had years and years of people leaving me, it's not like I haven't tried - organizing parties at my place; inviting friends out for a girls night out etc... no one ever bothers returning the favor. No one checks up on me. My online friends only respond to me messaging them - and even that's not a guarantee of a reply. I'm tired of struggling with no support. I'm not living, I'm barely surviving. .. it's like I'm not even here. And I'm sure it wouldn't matter if I wasn't because people in my life just don't seem to care! And it's not like I have anything keeping me here - no partner, no kids, no pets. . Nothing at all.

Bob_22 · ‎16-01-2023

Hi Bbydoll,

Good to hear from you and thanks for the update. I'm glad you went to the concert and had somewhat of a good time. It's also great to hear that you went to your niece's bday party yesterday. I'm sure she would have appreciated the hand made card. They are always much better.

Yes unfortunately auto immune conditions can have a huge impact on every day aspects of our lives. I'm sorry to hear that it's been this way for you since your teen years. It must be very burdensome. Look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Bob

Bbydoll · ‎18-01-2023

Hi Bob, I have had health issues my entire life- even as a baby. My mother had to buy goats milk on a prescription at the chemist, as I couldn't digest normal milk. I would get an upset tummy as a kid and adolescent easily. In my 20s things got progressively worse for me.

I spent a few hours today with an interstate friend of mine, in Sydney. We looked at clothes but nothing was in my size. 2 diferent chain stores that we booth like don't cater for bigger women. She bought a dress, and I have one hold tomorrow- when I get paid. It's several hundred dollars and if I buy it, will need to loose weight for it to fit. They only make a limited amount of the dresses, and they are sold out in my size online. They can do a phone order, and organise delivery but I would even consider going down there, to pick it up and save myself a few extra dollars. But the travel takes it out of me, as does the walking involved.

Unfortunately we couldn't spend longer together but she was going to meet up with her brother and his fiancee.

She said we could spend more time together if I was to visit her interstate but I got the impression that she didn't want me to stay at her house, as she has 2 kids, and they can be a handful. She only works part time, so it could work, if I actually had the finances for it.

Bob_22 · ‎21-01-2023

Hi Bbydoll,

Thanks for the update. Great to hear you could spend some time with your friend on Wednesday. I know shopping in the city is very tiring and expensive. I personally do my clothes shopping online unless it's something I don't know the exact size for.

Sounds like you're putting in a great effort to get out and do things you enjoy. That's awesome. I know it can be tough when you're tired all the time and have any mental health issues. You're inspiring.

Bob

james1 · ‎21-01-2023

Hey Bbydoll,

Wow!! Over $1000?? That lady must've been a really big fan. I am glad you got to go despite your physical health. I really love the way you approach these kinds of things, and not letting it always get in the way of you doing the things you really love. Not at all to diminish how challenging it is to go, and the times where it is too much, but it really is good to hear that you are able to plan and organise your life to go to these events on occasion.

Did you enjoy the time you spent with your interstate friend? It sounds like it was a nice, but brief, time with someone important to you. And it's nice that she suggested you could visit if you happened to be travelling interstate some time.

James

Bbydoll · ‎21-01-2023

Hi Bob, Hi James, thank you both for the lovely comments. I enjoyed spending time with my interstate friend, and would have liked it to be longer - but she was taking her immediate family to dinner with her brother and his financee after we went shopping. Yesterday I had a very big day running errands and going back to Sydney to buy a dress - as I got my pay and they wouldn't let me pay for it over the phone. I also had to see my GP, and get scripts filled at the chemist. Left home at 8am and finally got home 5pm. Caught 5 trains in that time frame and did everything I needed to do.

So of course today I was in agony. Slept a lot and took medication and heat packs and finally started feeling a bit better. Unfortunately I realised last night that my pharmacy didn't give me back my repeat scripts. So I rang them and said I'd be in on Monday to pick them up (because there was no physical way, that I could actually get dressed and walk a kilometre to pick it up and walk home again).

I bought a dress that is actually too small for me. These dresses are limited edition and they were sold out in that particular size.

My GP has organised for me to see a dietitian under Medicare. It was because I was binge eating. But I also want to start eating better to loose weight. I've done multiple diets over the years, so I know what I need to do - but it would help to get a professionals opinion on the diet plan I want to do.

I sent my male friend a couple of messages through messenger and of course no response. I had some great test results from last month through the doctors and wanted to pass it along. I also sent him a photo of my niece and I eating dessert after her birthday party.

Bbydoll · ‎24-01-2023

I'm not sleeping because of pain. I'm struggling with my mental health more than I've been saying- Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed the exciting things I've been posting about but I've been struggling to not hurt myself. Other than binge eating and having shocking sleep patterns I haven't done anything to myself. But I'm just trying to silence the voices in my head that's telling me all sorts of horrible things about myself. I need to start getting more counselling but I have avoided it because my old shrink is semi retired and only doing telehealth appointments part time. She knows everything I've been dealing with and all the medical drama I've has to deal with. If I find someone else then I will be starting from scratch and there's a lot of things that I'm dealing with that I think sometimes it would be better not to have to deal with this as it's going to be a while before anything is actually covered. And given there's only 10 Medicare appointments covered. I don't know how I'd cover the cost of more visits. They should at least have conditions such as chronic health issues still have the 20 free appointments a year. 10 - is less than 1 appointment a month!! Ideally they would be fortnightly or even weekly during crisis

Bob_22 · ‎24-01-2023

Hi Bbydoll,

Thanks for the update. I hope the appointment with the dietitian goes well. It sounds like a great idea and they can also help find affordable ways to make changes.

Yes I agree that there should be more subsidised sessions!

Bob

Bbydoll · ‎29-01-2023

Hi Bob, so I was lucky enough to get a discounted ticket to see Cinderella the musical and I enjoyed it but had to walk down to the lyric theatre from central station as the light rail wasn't working! I had no idea. I ended up catching a taxi half way there as I was running late! I didn't have enough money to get a taxi home again, so I started walking. Thought I was lost, until a random guy started talking to me. I said I think I'm lost, as I'd been walking for about half an hour or so. In the dark!!!! Thankfully he said I was in the right direction and said he knew a shortcut, and managed to walk me half the way and gave me clear directions to eventually get me home again. I walked through my front door around 2am. I got about 5 hours sleep, mixed in with my toes cramping. And went up to the hospital and had my iron transfusion. Took much longer than usual because they had issues finding a vein, which I knew would happen and told them that. They tried a hot blanket on each arm, nothing. Then ended up using the portable scanner and found one. I then walked to the shops and did a bit of shopping and came home, had a shower and had something to eat and drink. I slept for 15 hours straight that night. I'm still struggling with long nights of sleeping, even though it was several days ago. I got a lovely long private message through messenger from my friend and he definitely wants to catch up after his show, so that's something for me to look forward too. He's doing another one the following month and I will buy a ticket, in the hopes it doesn't interfere with my gallbladder surgery, as I spoke to the hospital and have asked them to post pone it until after his February performance, they weren't happy because I did the same thing in November last year but it was because I had a few different doctor's appointments to get too.

Bob_22 · ‎30-01-2023

Hi Bbydoll,

Thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear you got to see Cinderalla! I'm sorry about the journey home though, I hope it wasn't too distressing. I know if I was in your shoes I'd be in panic mode. I hope the walk wasn't too long either.

That's so great your friend replied to you! I'm glad to hear that he's been in touch. I hope you're able to catch up face to face soon. 🙂

Bob

Bbydoll · ‎02-02-2023

Hi Bob, I've been unwell and have been for the past few days with a very sore throat and I suspect a flare of pharyngitis, as I've had it several times before. I'm feeling very weak and my throat burns every time I swallow anything other than water. I had some ginger lemon tea with lemon juice and some manuka honey - that's my go to drink when I get this. I think it was because of me overdoing it on Australia day and a weakened suppressed immune system. I am resting up and hope I'm well enough to see my friends play in a couple of weeks. It's so frustrating when I get sick on top of my normal health issues-- as it makes it virtually impossible to get my errands run when I can barely get out of bed!!! I have managed to get a discounted ticket to see the rocky horror show, as they are selling valentine special prices for a few days. The seat is at an angle but I did see the show several years ago when Craig McLaughlin was in it. I wanted to try and squeeze it in, as I'm hoping to have my surgery later in the month. I bought my ticket to my friends other show for next month, and will have to hope it doesn't interfere with the surgery because I have already post phoned it twice and the lady at the hospital bookings wasn't very happy with me.