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How to cope following an attempt?

__Emily
Community Member

I attempted suicide last week, and am okay physically now after a hospital stay, but now i dont know what to do. My partner of 9 years has been very distressed by the attempt and is unsure if he wants to continue our relationship. I don't know how to cope with him leaving me when it feels like i need him and the stability of our relationship more than ever right now.

7 Replies 7

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome.


I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Attempting suicide and having your partner question the relationship must be incredibly painful.

 

Can I ask if you are getting professional support to help you at this time? I also wonder if reaching out to a support group could provide additional comfort for you. You deserve compassion and understanding. Listening if you want to chat more...

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear _Emily~

Welcome here to the forum where you are going to find many, including myself, who have survived an attempt.

 

I guess you are right, you do need the support of of your partner and the stability of a relationship now more than ever. Trying to cope on your own, or without discussing things and trying to hide how you feel is very hard and not always that successful.

 

I'd like to make a suggestion. My partner blamed herself for how I was, and at the same time felt helpless, not knowing what to do or say. She lived a life with no certainty and seemingly no way to make it better. To be blunt she wondered if I'd still be around when she got home each day.

 

There is a way your partner can play a significant role in your welfare, feel he is making a difference, and that is by the pair of you using a Safety Plan. The one I suggest is Beyond Now, which is free and works on any smartphone.

 

It is a bit unusual in that it has all the normal things you would expect, with emergency telephone numbers and things like that . Where it is different and can be very effective is the section titled 'Things I can Do Myself'

 

I found when I was overwhemed and thinking all I could do was take my life that I had no room left in my mind for thinking things out or any sort of decision making. The beauty of Beyond Now is you simply reach for your phone and hit the icon, no brain power needed.

 

So what does it offer you? In that section you write down things that have helped in the past, how you got though a time when you almost attempted but did not. You put down all sorts of things. I have going out the house for a walk, taling wiht a freind (need not be a heavy talk) ,  reading a chapter of a favorite book, watching a DVD, a comedian on YouTube and tons more.

 

These things are hard to think up for yourself, it takes someone else to remind you of what gave you a laugh, made you feel happier or distracted you.

 

This is where your partner can make a real contribution and feel they are actually making a difference, and that confidence is important for him.

 

You do not have to fill out the whole thing in one go, it took me 6 months to find 'a reason for living' that  worked. And I needed to be very exact in the things I put down. No use just writing 'listen to music' as that then takes brain power to decide what to listen to. Instead make it "Listen to 'Paint it Black' by the Stones" or whatever you like, the particular episode on a DVD and so on.

 

The more things you find the longer the list, and if something no longer works take it off.

 

There is more I could say like I've not asked your reasons or if you have support but have simply tried to deal wiht the main worry - being left alone. However I think this post is quite long enough for now. If you would like to keep on talking that would be fine.

 

Croix

I'm trying to organise a stay in a private mental hospital but I'm stuck waiting for a free bed - but the uncertainty isn't helping. I'm not sure of any support groups to join - do you have any ways to find them that you reccomend?

Hi Croix, and thankyou for the time you put into your reply. I haven't made a safety plan as yet, as I've found it hard to focus or think about anything practical without being overwhelmed. I wish i could have my partner go through it with me to help but he's asked for me not to contact him at the moment. I don't have anyone else i feel comfortable asking for help. I guess i just don't know where to start on my own?

Dear Emily_

Waiting for a bed is very frustrating, and I'm sorry your partner is not being supportive -it may well be fright.

 

The members of this Forum are not able ot recommend support groups however a couple of things to try are:

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

and our own 24/7 help line, our counselors may have some suggestions

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

 

As for the safety plan, trying to do it by yourself is very daunting. I had help and I'd imagine a lot of others would too. If you are visiting your medical professional you might ask them to help you fill at least part of it in. You can always change or add to it later.

 

I hope you get admitted soon

 

Croix

I agree 100% with the response from Croix ... I had help creating a safety plan with the help of my psychologist a few years ago. It might not be as detailed as other plans but works for me.  It sucks when you feel that you are on your own and have to deal with everything by yourself. While your partner may not be supportive, I wonder if there is someone else you might be able to trust for support?

One_More_Day
Community Member

Dear Emily,

 

What a hard place you are in, on your own. When all you want is peace of mind and comfort. Do you meditate? It is extraordinarily powerful, to sit, eyes closed and focus only on the sound and feel of your breath. Resting your mind like this is better than a hug. Give yourself permission to rest your mind for as long as you need. Do this everyday, for hours if you can. The power of meditation to give you strength in the gentlest way is a miracle. Tread gently everyday, slowly, mindfully. Breathe. Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. No music, just the sound of your breath, bring your thoughts back to the breath when they wonder or if you feel distressed. Breath in for four, out for four.

 

Another way to soften those strong feelings when they arise is to breath in and count to four, breath out for four. You can do this at any time, you don't have to be sitting and meditating. Anytime you feel strongly, breath in and count to four, breath out for four and just keep repeating until your strong feelings soften then disappear.

 

This is a good technique to help you get to sleep too.

 

It is very powerful.

 

Give it a try.

 

You are not alone here.

 

OMD.