I hate this time of year & everything about my life

[Bbydoll]

I'm suffering from chronic pain issues; auto immune related issues and a body that is basically falling apart. I have no family around except for a brother (and sister in law,and niece), who would rather spend time with their friends - even though I pushed myself to be there for their daughters birthday. My teeth are rotting because of pain meds and I have no way of paying for them to be fixed.. some are now are in my smile line and the idea of loosing teeth there destroys me. My extended family wanted me to join them on Christmas day except for the fact it would be just breakfast as they want to visit their significant others family (not to mention it's a 4 hour round trip for me on public transport on a public holiday), and I can barely function as I'm suffering from tinnitus and vertigo at the moment on top of my usual health issues. I'm struggling to get through to the rest of the year. I've been reaching out via text message to my closest friend - but he's been avoiding me. My other friend just doesn't believe how bad my mental state is; despite having her own issues with depression and suicide. Every year is another year where nothing is achieved and my "bucket list" is further away from ever happening. Even on the rare occasions I'm out socializing; people avoid me. I seem to just repel people. Having had years and years of people leaving me, it's not like I haven't tried - organizing parties at my place; inviting friends out for a girls night out etc... no one ever bothers returning the favor. No one checks up on me. My online friends only respond to me messaging them - and even that's not a guarantee of a reply. I'm tired of struggling with no support. I'm not living, I'm barely surviving. .. it's like I'm not even here. And I'm sure it wouldn't matter if I wasn't because people in my life just don't seem to care! And it's not like I have anything keeping me here - no partner, no kids, no pets. . Nothing at all.

[Sophie_M]

Hi  Bbydoll,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.  We have sent you a private email so that we can support you further.
 

[Chris_Tas]

Thank you for sharing your situation.

Please seek emergency help immediately. You need help as I did (still do)

It saved my life and you'll be amazed how fantastic people are.

Chris

[Bbydoll]

Hi Chris,

That's easier said than done! When I'm not motivated to do it. I'm physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. I'm having stomach pain after eating that radiates into my back, so either my gallstones or I have a stomach ulcer - on top of everything else that I've mentioned above. And as I said above I have no one to help me.

The people in my life have taught me 2 things. They rarely help and if they do get close they use and/or abuse me and leave.

[Chris_Tas]

As previous I encourage you to seek help.

No it isn't "easy".

I've looked down the Derwent Bridge and I'm here.

How can and others help?

[Bbydoll]

If I had help/support from people around me things would be different. At least I'd feel like I was supported and like my life actually mattered.. etc. But I don't see how my life is ever going to improve when my body keeps falling apart. And I can't afford to have my teeth fixed. I even emailed my local member of Parliament and they didn't help! I already look like a freak.. I am, fat and scarred from lots of surgeries. I walk with a cane even though I'm only in my 40s. Etc

I'm already dealing with so much physical health issues that aren't getting any better despite me following doctor's orders.. everything just keeps on spiraling out of control.

[Guest_1643]

Hi bbydoll.

How are u today? I know how u feel....no family here either and thsi time of year comes with triggers and sadness.

Re Ur friends not messaging u back... What came to mind was if u could distance urself fro, friends who aren't there for u....

I used to have friends who were really unreliable and even rude at times, through going though my own crises and needing them.... I saw who wasn't there. I had to leave them behind.

The bonus is that good ppl might enter Ur life and take the space of those who don't care.

U deserve a message back. Or just a sense that the person believes u and wants the best for u,

[Bbydoll]

I only have 2 friends in my life that I see both are very unreliable. One guy. One girl. The guy I'm close too is married and it's difficult to see him because his wife hates me because I have feelings for him and they both know this. And because we have such a strong connection. The girl is from high school and works incredibly long hours and I mostly text her - even if I do see her, she's on her phone a lot.

No one in my life makes me a priority. No one chooses to spend time with me - there's always excuses. I'm clearly not important.

If I distance myself from them any more. I have even less to live for. I sent a private message to my brother on Wednesday and a text message today Friday about whether or not he wanted to drive to my place and pick up their Christmas presents and mum's Christmas presents for tomorrow - Christmas day. Usually we see mum on Christmas eve. He hasn't replied to either of these texts.

I don't drive. I don't work. I don't have much of a social life as when I go out. I'm by myself and I'm ignored anyways. I tried to get into a local uni -20 minutes away on the train but that only made my health worse. I've had several attemps at this.

I have nothingto live for.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Bbydoll,

We are sorry to hear that no one in your life makes you a priority and that you feel so unimportant. We want to remind you that all life is important, including yours and the fact that you have come here to share with us just proves that you have such significant strength. We understand how hard it can be, especially around such a busy time of year and want you to know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Guest_1055]

Oh Bbydoll hello,

You popped into my thoughts maybe a couple of days ago. Can't quite remember. I said hello to you on another thread of yours.

I don't have advice or anything. Just saying another hello I guess.