Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section

replies: 0

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a deeply distressing experience, and this section is here to support members who have had these experiences. This section is not a crisis support service. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these Forums. Please call: Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (24/7) Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) If it is an emergency, contact emergency services on 000. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for support and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of the Forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. If after a period of time you no longer wish others to engage in the discussion you have started, please use the 'Report Post' button and request the discussion be locked to prevent any further replies. Thank you for being here, we're glad you're here. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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3 weeks ago

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

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No one actually cares

replies: 2

I’m on medicationi see a psychiatrist i just called lifeline and if many things I explained how one of the things that messes with me is that after an hour with the psychiatrist your “time is up” Thought it was going well but then after half an hour she said it’s “time to end the call” guess I’m not suicidal enough i don’t want to die i wNt to live for my kids i was cheated on 6 years ago and left for another man no abuse, nothing sinister. I am a good man. But since then I have struggled with both anxiety and depression on pills prescribed by the doc and I’m seeing a psychiatrist as already said but it doesn’t change anything i feel pain everyday my day is wake upfeel painworkfeel painwork more because child support doesn’t care and I’m paying a huge amount more than I shouldhave kids - because I have them 50%and then I feel like a beerand one always turns into manynow I’m an alcoholic that is seeking support for that A more money I have my kids literally 50% but I still pay $340 a week child support On top of that - i pay all of their sports, my eldest (I have 3) doeshigh end sport so that alone is >$5k a year, plus her other one and then the second girl does 3 things and the you youngest boy does a couple things (trying not to be too specific just in case) no one cares as long as mum is ok, everyone is ok. and then my eldest says “mum can’t afford our lunch orders this week” on a Friday it is about $10 each for a Lunch order. Meanwhile she just got new sunglasses worth $300. Tattoos, you name or.the system doesn’t care i always try to do the right thing “mum must just be going through a hard time” but she does cash on the side plus Centrelink payments, plus she is still with the aforementioned man who has his own income. She was supposed to keep them on private health but then when the first big op came up no, we had to spend double (which I pay half) because she had taken them off without my knowledge because she “couldn’t afford it” In the meantime she had a tummy tuck and god knows what else because she wanted to look better. the system doesn’t care about the kids and definitely not the person who makes money, they just feed the person who makes the least. Great job Australia. im just about done with it all the only thing holding me here is my 3 amazing children who are innocent and I would never let know this drama. guess the only reason I’m here is god I hope someone has had the same experience and made it through and can me some guidance. there isn’t any more ‘medical’ prescribed things I can be doing.

My son beat me. And then bit me.

replies: 3

Everyday. I cannot see any purpose for me in my life. I am a punchbag, bite-sponge, and a scratchmat. My blood is of no value. I wake up and care for him all day, cooking for him, feeding him, taking him for drives, cleaning him, cuddling him. Then he sits on me and watches ipad. And then he beats me, bites me, scratches me. He has severe autism, now 17. I am Male age 50. I can't take it anymore. Why do I even wake up ? To repeat the same all over again ?

Downward spiral

replies: 2

I need to know if anyone has felt this and that im not just attention seeking but i just want someone to really truly care. Ive self harmed for a few years on and off but only in the past year or two has it gotten "bad", I've never made an attempt on my life but i think about it im honestly just to scared to but i often think maybe if i try and fail someone will care about me, or if i self harm enough to land me in the hospital so people finally notice that its not a fun hobby i do sometimes its something activly affecting my life. sometimes i think its not bad enough to go to the hospital for and it sounds awful and i know that but what if i exaggerated it and said "oh yeah ive tried to actually do it but it didnt work so here i am" i know thats a lie but they dont. anyway not to ramble or anything but i really just want something to happen so someone will notice and care for me.

Needing support

replies: 3

Hi I'm new here and not sure where to start. I've been struggling with my mental health recently especially my anxiety. I battle with suicidal ideation and self harming. There's alot going on in my life and despite trying to get support to deal with ... View more

Emptiness taints everything

replies: 8

My external life looks great- friends, family, meaningful employment (albeit more difficult recently), sense of community, financial and housing security. But, life feels too big and too small at the same time. I feel like an empty shell, a person who is made up of a gaping pit of nothing, void. I feel vague, like I am a step behind myself, disconnected and the world is foggy. I’ve had suicidal thoughts on/off for 12 years now, with past attempts. I thought I had recovered and I had 3 years of stability but recently the thoughts returned with a vengeance. The thoughts are protective, they distract me from the emptiness inside but in the end their protection leads to destruction. The thoughts come with the need to act in some form- research - plan- preparation: purchase and hoarding of materials- rehearsal of plan- etc. Unfortunately, the actions tend to escalate over time. Lately, I’m not allowed to go to bed without the house clean and all rubbish in the bin outside and clothes washed, just in-case I am not around in the morning. I don’t want my family having to wash my clothes or see the last food I have eaten. This is the stupid level of detail my brain makes me obsess over, and it becomes exhausting. Even when I have a good day and the thoughts are in the background, they come to the foreground at night, in the end the rules must be followed. I have engaged in therapy continuously for 4 years, and on/off for a total of 10 years- including group therapy programs. I’ve had two therapy appointments already this week because I wasn’t sure how I would survive to the next week- thankfully I think I will be relatively safe until my next appointment. The GP wants me to see a psychiatrist, but I really don’t think my issue is neurochemical so I don’t hold much hope that psychiatry will be able to assist. The suicidal thoughts are just a well worn neural pathway, they’ve become an impossible habit to break and I fear they are chronic. Am I the only one who creates a life worth living and yet still finds it impossible to live in it?

When power is concentrated in the hands of the few, the actions of the many don't matter.

replies: 3

When I look at the world I see a terrible place that is getting worse. In particular, I have noticed that what power I do have to make positive change is being bulldozed by those who benefit from the world staying the same or getting worse. I am watching the planet slowly but surely breeze past climate targets to ensure the life is permanently going to be harder and worse. I see genocides happening whilst my government worries about appearing to be too biased against those with power. And what is worst of all, I see people who actively want to make the world a place hostile towards people because it makes their own lives slightly easier. It is tiring to see nothing but bad things happening and knowing I cannot do anything to change it. What is more frustrating is that no-one seems to understand my anger towards this matter. When I describe my feelings of being upset at seeing my world turn into a cesspit, people tell me to focus on the small things. I hear people say "worry about yourself", or "small changes add up" or other nonsense that does absolutely nothing to change the status quo. For every meaningful thing I do, there is another person undermining my actions because they don't want to give up anything to make the world better. I hate being on this planet. Seeing the backwardness. Being told to ignore what I cannot change, even though these things still affect me. I'm tired of knowing that no matter how much I try to make the world better, I will never be able to actually change anything. I don't want to have pain anymore. I don't want to have to deal with being powerless anymore. This world is hostile to me. There are 8 billion people with over 25 million dying everyday. 1,000 people might even know if I die. Less would care. Last year, I accidentally bought a case of ammo. Too bad I only need 1.

I genuinely don’t believe the world will get better and I feel stuck.

replies: 1

Hello everyone, this is R. I just need somewhere to vent, and this seemed like the safest place to do so. I’ve lost hope in the world getting better. With all the stuff like climate change, conflicts/genocides, discrimination becoming more normalised, I’m just sick and tired. And the fact that the only people with the power to actually make a difference couldn’t care less and are actively working to make things worse is the cherry on top.I don’t think I’m gonna have a future. I don’t think any of my loved ones are gonna have a future.I don’t wanna live if I can’t have a happy life, but I don’t want to die and leave my family to face this terrible world alone. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I don’t see a way out. As much as I hate it here, I’m gonna try and survive. I intend to talk to a therapist as well. Things just suck right now.

More scared than I've ever been

replies: 2

Thirty something year old, I have a court date next week, the police have issued intervention order against me protecting my now ex. I've struggled with suicidal ideation for most of my adult life and I'm at a point now where the only thing that keeps me going is my little boy from a long term relation that previous to this one, We'd argued all the our relationship not to mention halfway through our relationship she copped an intervention order protecting her ex that is was violent She had been diagnosed with personality disorder before I had met her mixed with my depression we had a pretty rough go of it from the start and throughout my depression got worse This is the first time I've ever dealt with the police in this matter, it never got violent but it was a struggle to get my items back over 2 weeks which led to my DVO I'm honestly glad to be out of the relationship, but I can't help feeling like an utter scumbag for my actions I'm trying my hardest to pick myself up I'm really glad my mates coming over tonight.

Concerned

replies: 1

So I’ve been in a relationship for nearly two years now and have been increasingly unhappy in it for about half a year. It isn’t concerning in any way, I just no longer feel happy with my partner and long for a more nurturing relationship, or just to be single again. Unfortunately I am on a multiple-month trip with my partner and cannot break up with them, despite my disposition. Besides that, I’ve been having less and less energy and feel so isolated from everything. I’m worried about sharing my concerns with others, as many of my thoughts just aren’t good and I don’t want to scar anyone with them. But I also can’t deal with all my worries alone right now. I’ve had suicidal thoughts in the past and I’ve self harmed too. I am terrified of having those feelings again and try everything to stop them whenever I drift into a more negative headspace. I’ve worked on creating a safety net for times like this, but since I’m traveling I can’t spend time with friends and family and simply can’t talk to anyone in person. I get scared of what will happen if my headspace gets worse. Right now I’m clinging to the hope that it’ll all get better after these few months, though I know that it might be too long for me to deal with healthily.

I keep fucking up

replies: 4

lately i have realised that i am just a horrib;e person. all of my friends have left me because of my actions, my negligence, my erratic behaviour. I always seem to say the wrong thing or not say enough. I cant treat anyone correctly. even my own boyfriend. I forgot his birthday (he says its fine but i hate myself for it), i'm always burdening him with my episodes and I'm never fun to be around anymore. I have been in an intense depressive episode for the last week. I've started sh again. Ive stopped eating. I can barley bring myself to talk to anyone. I havnt seen anyone aside from my family in a week. tonight I asked if my boyfriend could come over and he said yeas but he was really tired so could it wait until tomorrow? I said that was fine but that I wished he could have seen me sooner instead of spending every night of the last week at his friends place. And that's not really fair, I never asked him to come over, I never made it clear that I wanted company and in fact explicitly stated that I wasn't up for communication much less seeing anyone. idk I just got really depresdsed tn and realised that Im jealous of his friends and i miss him and i must not be good enough for him if hed rather see them than me. i know these thoughts arent reality but i did think them. And i feel horrible for it. i cant trust anyone. i hate so easily i mistrust so easily. I keep making people have to walk away from me or take a break bercause of how full on i am, and then i get angry or defensive or grovelling to make them come back and it just causes so much stress. I'm an unhealthy presence in everyines lives. I can't change. Ive tried. Im going to be like this forever. I rreally think that I have to die in order to make things right. I hate the person that I am. I hate her. I cant do this to people anymore

Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section replies: 0

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

No one actually cares replies: 2

My son beat me. And then bit me. replies: 3

Downward spiral replies: 2

Needing support replies: 3

Emptiness taints everything replies: 8

When power is concentrated in the hands of the few, the actions of the many don't matter. replies: 3

I genuinely don’t believe the world will get better and I feel stuck. replies: 1

More scared than I've ever been replies: 2

Concerned replies: 1

I keep fucking up replies: 4