I hate this time of year & everything about my life

[Bbydoll]

I'm suffering from chronic pain issues; auto immune related issues and a body that is basically falling apart. I have no family around except for a brother (and sister in law,and niece), who would rather spend time with their friends - even though I pushed myself to be there for their daughters birthday. My teeth are rotting because of pain meds and I have no way of paying for them to be fixed.. some are now are in my smile line and the idea of loosing teeth there destroys me. My extended family wanted me to join them on Christmas day except for the fact it would be just breakfast as they want to visit their significant others family (not to mention it's a 4 hour round trip for me on public transport on a public holiday), and I can barely function as I'm suffering from tinnitus and vertigo at the moment on top of my usual health issues. I'm struggling to get through to the rest of the year. I've been reaching out via text message to my closest friend - but he's been avoiding me. My other friend just doesn't believe how bad my mental state is; despite having her own issues with depression and suicide. Every year is another year where nothing is achieved and my "bucket list" is further away from ever happening. Even on the rare occasions I'm out socializing; people avoid me. I seem to just repel people. Having had years and years of people leaving me, it's not like I haven't tried - organizing parties at my place; inviting friends out for a girls night out etc... no one ever bothers returning the favor. No one checks up on me. My online friends only respond to me messaging them - and even that's not a guarantee of a reply. I'm tired of struggling with no support. I'm not living, I'm barely surviving. .. it's like I'm not even here. And I'm sure it wouldn't matter if I wasn't because people in my life just don't seem to care! And it's not like I have anything keeping me here - no partner, no kids, no pets. . Nothing at all.

[Petal22]

Hi Bbydoll,

Im sorry to hear of your chronic pain I understand it must be difficult for you.

Please tell your self good things about yourself…….

Our outer physical body isn’t who we are and it doesn’t define us.

On the inside we all hold a beautiful light, just keep feeding yours with positive thoughts….

Have you been able to discuss with your gp about the way you are feeling?

Your not alone

[Guest_1643]

Hey baby doll

Staying around in a situation like eg where u have feelings for a married friend to me looks like part of the difficulties, not the solution giving u hope to live for. Such a situation would make anyone feel bad or less than.

It's really hard having friends who don't check up on u or care, and during the pandemic for many of us that's hurt a lot, when ppl around us didn't even send a text to check that those of us alone are managing.

I wander if ppl think u are managing well because u appear together or independent. I've been told that before ut I don't know if I buy it,

U deserve care and support, a text , a call. It takes a while to find decent ppl who will offer that, but if they don't, in my opinion, it's not ur fault.

[Bbydoll]

Hi Shelll, hope you're well😊

Petal22 - most people are judged right away on their looks. It's nothing new. I'm in a particular rough neighborhood and I know that I will be labeled as a drug addict for missing teeth. Nevermind the fact I'm single. No guy wants to date a woman with missing teeth. Not that it matters because I can't even get a date for a coffee! Let alone anything else.

Sleepy21- He is my closest friend. The fact he is married - is a complication, in that I can't see him often. He is my only friend who openly lets me talk about my struggles and doesn't judge me for it. I am not looking to ruin a relationship or have an affair, I told him a few years ago before the feelings developed that I wasn't looking to be anyone's seconds.

I have posted on Facebook about my physical health battles and how I'm struggling with them. I only have about 50 friends on there and the only ones who ever comment on the posts are overseas friends with health issues and 1 friend who lives interstate. None of my friends that live locally or that I knew from school etc.

How do you expect me to find "these people" exactly?? I have no life. I can't work. I can't study on campus. I can't even get a coffee date (from different online sites)... I rarely leave the house ..

[Guest_1643]

Hi,

I'm can't offer more on this thread as I am not finding it an easy conversation for me.

Hoping you find support here 🙏

I

[Petal22]

Hi Bbydoll,

People can think what they like and hold the perceptions of you that they wish………… but………. these thoughts are in your mind and we truly can’t read some one else’s mind and truly know what they are thinking……The most important thing is what thoughts you put in your mind about yourself. 😀

Be open to meeting someone for you…. He’s out there…. Stay positive to that….

Love is always around us…

Have loving thoughts

Make others feel loved

Attract love into your life

Think positive………… the more negative we are the more negativity comes into our life…….

The more positive we are the more positive comes into our life…..

Change your thoughts and perceptions think from a place of LOVE and then watch your life transform in front of you.

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou Petal, I know you were writing to Bbydoll. But I also found your post quite encouraging. Thankyou

[Petal22]

Hi Shelll,

Thats ok I’m glad that you found my post encouraging. 😊❤️

It really is possible to change our mind sets……. It takes practice and perseverance but it can be done.

Each day when we wake in the morning we need to make an intension of how we want to live the day…………. With LOVE then make that day come from that place inside us…

Love holds the highest vibration on earth and living in that vibration is amazing.

Negativity holds a very low vibration and doesn’t feel very nice…..

So we need to practice to be coming from a place of love..

If I’m ever not happy with someone I say to myself what would love do …… I always have my answer and move forward in this beautiful vibration that we as humans all hold….. we just need to seek it and believe it’s there……..

[Bbydoll]

Petal22 - yeah that changes everything. I've had health issues all my life. Ever since I was a teenager people have either used or abused me and left me for whatever reasons. I've been single for 11 years. I don't see myself being with anyone because they do not accept me with my health issues. The only relationship I was in; the guy just used me as a backburner.. he never wanted to make our relationship official. He only took me out twice in 6 years and never stayed over etc.

Not surprising that the only text I got today (Christmas) was from my male friend about 10 minutes ago. Not from my brother, or any family or friends.

I'm struggling financially (I'm on the dsp), physically (as mentioned above), emotionally (PTSD, depression/anxiety) etc.. thinking positively doesn't change a thing. Believe me I tried all through my 20s. It didn't stop me being admitted to the ICU several times. It didn't stop me from having my colon removed and me having to wear a colostomy bag. YES! In my 20s... it didn't stop all the complications; all the extra surgeries, all the medications. Or the relationship and friendships etc. It changed absolutely nothing. I've still had to battle all these things and mostly alone.

So I've tried and it doesn't work. What's the point in anything. If all I'm doing is constantly struggling with everything in my life

[Petal22]

I’m really sorry you are feeling this way Bbydoll…….

I understand it would be difficult for you.

If you feel up to it maybe you could call one of our caring councillors 1300 22 4636.

[Chris_Tas]

Please try and take it easy. (easier said than done yes I know).

Positives in future as we are lucky compared to many others? (cancer etc)