Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Losing control and worn down

replies: 1

Im 29, American born (been here 13 years), and have been trying to get into the arts 8ndustry for a long time. I started uni in 2019 to learn technical production and its been absolute hell. I don't have any friends, there are more than a few of my coworkers who don't even know my name. Ive been struggling with depression for a really long time now and the amount of ostracism I keep going through at uni is making everything harder to cope with. Nobody is close to my age, none of them ever include me or talk to me and I keep trying to tell myself they are only teenagers bit it still hurts so badly to be purposefully excluded so much. I learned on a volunteer show that my upperclassmen never had any intention of giving me a role that I wanted because my "behaviour" was "not going to be rewarded". Ive overheard conversations saying im a "downer" and that im not "fun" to be around. Its really hard being back at uni when im so old, and not being able to rely on any of my peers for anything including academic support is so draining. I feel like a complete failure all the time, and its impossible to imagine a future that has any kind of fulfilment. Things have been really hard lately and im just so sad and worm down all the time. It feels like im going to slip into something im going to regret at any moment.

I just can't handle the lethargy, insomnia and social isolation

replies: 5

I am 21M, with ADHD, social anxiety and depression. I have a habit of socially isolating myself for very extended periods of time as I never learnt how to develop meaningful relationships after moving country at 13 and never feeling very close to anyone in my family. I graduated highschool in 2016 with an underwhelming ATAR after getting diagnosed with CFS in year 12. Through 2017-2018 I smoked weed daily to cope with the intense suicidal thoughts that I couldn't deal with anymore. I was also finally diagnosed with depression in late 2017, have been prescribed a plethora of ineffective antidepressants and was finally diagnosed with ADHD in late 2019. I'm on two different medications at the moment which have been effective. This year was really important for me. After discontinuing every semester at uni since enrolling in 2017, due to not being able to study, I was really trying to attend university this year. The classes and study didn't matter, but I have been so socially isolated over the majority of my life (even from 13-17 I never did anything outside of school and would just stare out of the window dead inside), and thus actually physically attending university and trying to interact with people was meant to be my step up out of the hole I've dug myself in. Now I have found myself in quite a rut. Although it is not as bad as I got earlier this year, especially with the gyms closing as strength training is my only activity that calms me down and allows me to work for something (I also can't run because of flat feet), I am just failing to keep moving. I feel myself physically shut down in the middle of the day, in a workout, anything. I have postponed exams in a week that I have yet to even learn the course for (one of which is from last semester), and I can't sleep. I can't focus, when I go to the gym I am exhausted and never manage to make any progress on my lifts. Along with the insane loneliness and inability to socialize following so many years without meaningful interaction, I just can't study and I can't manage my ADHD. I have started taking more of my medication to mitigate matters, but I think they just make things worse. I am just so sad and lonely all the time. I recently began to fantasize about a pact from years ago to kill myself if things don't improve. It's been a while since I passionately looked forward to death, and I just feel so stuck again without productivity and succumbing to rumination.

Not the sort of person who would post here

replies: 4

Hey, If you knew me personally then you would know that I am not the sort of person who would contribute to a forum like this.... sounds bad but is the truth. Kinda getting to the point where I just don't know what to do (understanding that statement is pretty vague). I don't know if I am am having suicidal thoughts or not, I just know that I'm tired and I don't want to keep going on... think its kind of like if I were in an accident, it would be doing me a favour, which has been like this for months; but now I feel like the opertunity has not presented itself for it to happen naturally.... and I'm still tired Man its hard not to slap myself across the face and delete this post Im not going to bore anyone with my story, am enough of a burden as it is. Essentially though I've been dealing with PTSD from working in public safety (fatalities that involved friends of mine that I wasn't aware of until I saw them in the line of work). This has resulted in, and I don't mean to row my own boat here, a very strong minded "rock of a person" ( I've been called before), being turned into a crumbling mess and embarrassing themself on a suicide forum. A friend recently committed suicide and it brings home that as bad as it is, suicide is an option. Im not saying that O agree with it, I just mean that it plays consistently through my mind that he chose that option, and after stalking his Facebook profile, it is flooded with well wishes and grief, and contrary to popular belief, it didn't appear from the social aspect of people remembering him that anyone is mad with the decision that he chose.... Wow, what a babbling mess, im going to post this thread before I delete it, maybe someone can understand what I'm trying to say..... or not... I honestly don't know what I am doing here, nor what I am asking

What do you do when a friend is so dependent that it's crushing you?

replies: 12

About three years ago, I noticed that an online acquaintance on the Xbox was struggling mentally so I reached out. Soon enough we were talking everyday on Messenger, in party chat or playing together. I started visiting him in QLD, he started visiting me in NSW. For all intents and purposes he was the closest friend I'd ever had. About a year ago, he started exhibiting signs of intense jealousy and paranoia. Keeping tabs on me through game trackers, watching my activity, waiting until I was playing with other friends to start fights. He demands attention, so I have to stop what I'm doing to give it to him or I come back to 20 messages which can range from insulting and berating me to threatening self harm or suicide. The insults are along the lines of that I don't care about him at all, I'm a bad friend, all I do is lie and make excuses for myself, I'm replacing him. He latches on to simple semantics and will fight with me about it for hours. For example, I once told him I was just doing one more thing with another friend then I'll wrap things up to play with him. He timed me, then lambasted me with accusations as to why that thing took so long and why would I tell him I was wrapping things up if I wasn't. I'm not oblivious, he's emotionally abusive and manipulative. I am his doormat. I in no way blame myself for anything he puts on me and I have made him aware that he manipulates and tries to control me through negative conditioning. We've had good talks about this and I know he actually cares for me, I've seen progress in his actions. He can be reasonable when he calms down, but when his emotions are getting the best of him I could be dying and his problems would still take precedence. No amount of reasoning and evidence will convince him that he's the problem, he will always play the victim. I was already coping with several mental illnesses and a self-harm addiction, now with his unhealthy dependency on me I'm drowning. It's not as simple as blocking him because we share friends and he knows where I live. I don't even WANT to avoid him, I just want him to wake up to himself and be the friend I had for those two years. I've urged him to get professional medical help, but he refuses. I want out of this situation some way, it's steadily declining my mental and physical health. But I've never been good at putting my own needs first. My walking away would mean more suicide threats, and I could not live with myself if he went through with it.

Older people

replies: 4

I am older but not yet old. Am I the only one of my age who feels flat, dead inside, that living is just hard work?

I want to say how I'm feeling but know that I cant.

replies: 4

I'm struggling, I'm hurting, and I'm tired. I really want to be able to say how I'm feeling without fear of repercussions, but that isn't the world we live in. I'm not really sure if I want to be dead or I just want all of lifes bullshit to stop and cant see another way to make that happen. I'd like to just simply post a link to radioheads no alarms and no surprises and see if anyone gets it and reaches out and checks if I'm ok. I feel so stuck, so trapped inside myself and I cant seem to move forward. I'm sorry that I'm a broken record, that I need so much from people and that all of the wonderful things I have in my life aren't enough to redirect my feelings. Although I have a reasonably developed plan, I haven't written any notes of goodbye lately and I wont hurt myself no matter how badly I want to, and I want to so badly, I want to talk about the want and the feelings I think it would give me to hurt myself but I cant even do that. In these forums its not appropriate, in my personal life those who I might tell would be traumatised and if I tell a professional then they might be obligated to tell authorities or even try get me sectioned. thanks for reading, sorry for being a downer and a drainer, I hope you all know true peace in your lives. NM

my best friend's dad suicided and i dont know what to do...

replies: 2

hi, 3 days ago i was with my best friend who got a phone call from her mother telling her that her father called crying about something he has done (assumedly something unlawful) & was something quite surprising & alarming to her... the next day, she hasn't heard from him - no one had. & as the next day approached, still nothing. my friend kept me updated on this as i was the only one that knew about this because of the day of the phone call. they called the police & they found him... suicide. my friend jokes around a lot, especially about serious things. so of course when she told me (mind you i was the first to know outside of her family), i refused to believe it... and i told her that. i told her that i dont believe her. but when she sent me a video explaining everything that had happened, i realised that i have NEVER seen her cry up to this moment. it was all very real. ive never experienced anything like it so i dont know how grief works. but she APPEARS to be doing fine but i know she's not. & i dont know if it's a coping mechanism or whatever... my friend has dealt with terrible things in the past but she has never opened up to me about it. she's usually always the one who puts a happy face on all the time & i think thats what she's trying to do... im scared she may do something? im scared that she isn't coping very well & im trying so so so hard to support her but i need advice on how. ive never done this before, so thank you for reading.

Relapse

replies: 20

Hi, I am new to the online forum and just want to stress that I am currently safe. I recently relapsed for the first time in a while. I have had other individual relapse occasions but this is the worst relapse in a while. I won't mention how as that is not appropriate but what scared me was it felt good (I am in no way promoting self harm as I know deep down it is not healthy and only offers temporary relief). I found I was calm afterwards and it temporarily relieved my inner turmoil. I currently have no support network. I don't see a psychologist and my family are unaware of my behaviour. I guess what I wanted to ask was how do you guys deal with the shame and guilt of relapsing? How did you eventually get some help? I am not yet ready to reach out and ask for help but I hope I am in the near future. Finally I want to end this by saying I hope everyone is safe and well, remember you are not alone in this fight!

Trigger warning I made a plan

replies: 22

So I've made a plan. Is this a vent. A cry for help. I don't know. This has been thought about for weeks now and I have tried every distraction I can think of and do. None of these have worked I have thrown myself into each of them to the brink of becoming physically unwell. Its part punishment knowing I don't deserve anything good not even this life of mine I'm currently living. It's to change these thoughts and part trying to take myself out before I plan to carry out the plan. My counsellors are all unaware they are concerned because the past few sessions with each of them I have sat in the chair in almost silence to not allow my voice to accidentally slip up and say the wrong things making them even more suspicious. I don't want to be locked away for my own protection. I want to make this final choice for myself. Lately it feels like choices have been taken away from me or been made for me. I have tried to re-anchor myself to stay for my kids I can't my brain won't allow it. The dissociation makes it feels like I've been picked up in a cyclone and it hasn't tossed me out yet dumping me somewhere. As it has been life has been swallowing me whole then spitting me back out. I am raw from life's issues. I am tired. I just want a little peace within.

[Trigger Warning] I am feeling lost. Please help...

replies: 9

Please help. I am really struggling to find reasons to live. In the last six months, I have attempted suicide twice along with a number of attempts at self-harm. Just a few months ago, I ended up having to go to hospital in the back of an ambulance because I had a severe anxiety attack. So far, it has been getting progressively worse and I have no idea what to do. I am feeling extremely lost inside and I am unsure about where or how I can get help. This was the only place I could think of as I don't have a phone and it upsets my friends every time I talk to them about something like this. Often, talking to my parents struggles to get me anywhere as I sometimes struggle to get along. I also lack access to teachers and councellors at school as I am on a shortened timetable. I find that one fix is consuming caffiene, which only works temporarily. I hear that it can give you anxiety. Bullying has also been a severe issue for me. Particularly because it was my best friend from last year who kept picking on me. I am really finding it difficult to get help and I am just lost. Please leave your ideas in the comments.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Losing control and worn down replies: 1

I just can't handle the lethargy, insomnia and social isolation replies: 5

Not the sort of person who would post here replies: 4

What do you do when a friend is so dependent that it's crushing you? replies: 12

Older people replies: 4

I want to say how I'm feeling but know that I cant. replies: 4

my best friend's dad suicided and i dont know what to do... replies: 2

Relapse replies: 20

*Trigger warning* I made a plan replies: 22

[Trigger Warning] I am feeling lost. Please help... replies: 9