Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Left worse after asking for help

replies: 8

Asking for help when broken and distressed all people want to do is call the cops on you. It’s suggested many places talk to someone like doctor etc yet all that you get is when you try and talk and say how your feeling they just want to call cops on you and drag you to a mental ward. It leaves you not being able to trust anyone and more distressed an led distraught than when you started. Just because you struggle with immense pain and you feel like you can’t take anymore saying even that has cops and ambos called on. Your just pushed from one post to the next like your a burden and problem that your crazy even accused of being dangerous yet all you have done is cry and be so frightened that you end up being so distressed you can hardly breathe. I’m not a violent or cruel person at all. Asking for help has put me feeling so much worse because of how I have been treated from reaching out. It has made me feel more like the glass is about to break. I don’t understand the constant mixed messages or just because you show emotions and get to a point where you are struggling with those emotions your treated like a no hope deranged person. Yet all you have ever been is kind, thoughtful loving and caring person. i have never gone onto anything like this before so not sure if this is right or any good but it is my last try. I’ve tried everything else even psychologist who just ended up breaching my privacy and confidentiality without my permission. So I can’t trust anyone now that could link to my identity because I’m too frightened I wish asking for help hadn’t cause me to feel worse. Had I been the only one with such bad luck

safety plan for pet

replies: 14

I was first diagnosed with bipolar and depression then changed to bpd I struggle with s idealisations. I would like to put a plan in place for my little mate(dog,puppy). He is such a wonderful companion and my biggest fear is if I fall to far into the dark that he will end up in the pound and face a similar fate. I had considered looking to rehome him in the present but he is my little buddy and I would find it hard to let him go. What steps can I take to make sure my boy will always have a home.

The Fine Line

replies: 6

Yesterday I stupidly went into my father's room for the first time since I found him, I thought I was...but it was too overwhelming for me. And last night was possibly the deepest, crushing pain I have ever felt, for the first time I wanted it to go away so much, I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I told my counsellor today what I thought about, and also what I had written down during the night, as I seemingly had tied up loose ends and thanked people in a letter I wrote, presumably to sort out my affairs in preparation of something. She was immediately concerned, and asked me if this was a cry for help and if she should call an ambulance. This is where I am confused, I myself do not know why I have penned a 5 page letter like this, I wrote it in the midst of excruciating pain and grief, I did not want to be here anymore at that time because the pain was too much, but I don't want to die either. I don't think not wanting to be here is the same as actively wanting my life to end, if my life was threatened or in danger I would fight for my life, I know dad would never give up, and he would not want me to give up, I was thinking how dad would react if he found me, if he found me that way it would destroy him. I can see him trying to wake me up and falling apart crying, as I was when I found him, I don't want to hurt dad, I Dad went through far too much for me to throw it all away. I think telling her and showing her my letter actually means I want to fight to stay, fight through the pain. I have never in my life felt this way, I could have threw it all away in that moment, a scary feeling I hope I never feel again. My GP offered me sleeping aid today, I declined, I think that was wise. Is this normal for trauma and grief? I have never lost someone so close before, my thoughts and emotions are out of control, I can be ok one moment, and then some smell or sound sparks my synapses, and sends my senses into freefall, I cry so hard my nose flows like a tap, I breathe so rapidly I feel as if I am about to pass out. I have tried to breathe slowly and close my eyes, time can seem to stand still whenever it feels malicious, mocking you with each second.

My wife is threatening self harm, and I am part of the reason why

replies: 2

My wife of 7 years suffers from depression and anxiety. She has attempted self-harm on a number of occasions. I have had to physically prevent her from self harming. She has a lot of stress in her life. She has a stressful job with a heavy workload and bosses who don't seem to understand just how stressed she is. She has ongoing problems with her family. She has ongoing health issues, including having lost 2 babies over the past 5 years. We also have problems of our own, and I will be completely honest about them. We married in 2013 despite having already had fights. In 2011, early in our relationship, I went on a holiday to Europe I already had booked without her, and I was unfaithful while I was over there. (I am not proud if this at all, and yes I am aware of how wrong that was.) She knows about this and it often still does cause problems. I have also witheld my true feelings at times causing her to feel placated, like she can't make me happy, despite my insistence to the contrary. And I can be absent minded at times too, which doesn't help either. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few years ago, and has had some counselling, which often ended up becoming more about the issues with her family than her actual anxiety. As I said, there have been times when I have had to physically restrain her from self harming. This evening a small spat over what to have for dinner turned into a full blown fight ending in her saying she wants to leave me so she can plan to end her life. Now, I freely acknowledge that my own stupid actions in the past have played a role in her feeling this way, and I accept responsibility for that. I try to lighten her stress by helping her out wherever possible. We have had similar fights before. I try to talk to her about it but she is determined to believe life is not worth living. Anything I offer to show she has something to live for she will counter. Besides more counselling (we don't have much money despite us both working full time, so I don't know how to make that happen) I am lost. Despite having been a less than perfect husband I care for her, I really do, and wish I knew what more I can do to help her. She seems ok for now, but doesn't want to talk to me at the moment, so I am keeping a respectful distance but being ready to intervene if I need to.

Not fitting in

replies: 4

I'm 47 and have had difficulty my whole life in relating to other people. As long as I can remember this has been a major issue in my life and has resulted in low self esteem and subsequently depression to the point of a suicide attempt and repeated bouts of severe depression. I have undergone counseling without success. I have also done alot of research into my own behaviour and worked on issues which have developed from this low self esteem such as codependency and lack of assertiveness. I recently took nearly 5 months leave out of the work place where I found happiness within myself. As soon as I returned to the work the same problems returned. The happiest I have been was when I was in a relationship of 4 years which ended recently, which I believe was due to different values and a lack of boundaries. All things which should have been established in the early stages of the relationship and weren't due to my anxious attachment style. Now the relationship has ended the same depression has returned that i experience when I am alone. I have tried making new friends but struggle to make meaningful and close connections with people. I have tried being happy alone but feel worse. My social group is small and I often feel disrespected within the group also. I have tried being a loner and just spending time with my kids but still feelthe requirement for adult connection. I have also tried public speaking and researched books on how to make conversation. The positive thing is I am quite good at one on one chats with people in shorter doses. The struggle I have with fitting in, I believe is due to my socially awkward personality. I have always been picked on by groups of people, particularly males both inside and outside of work. I have a INTJ type personality with sometimes poor social skills. I also, seem to slip onto the dyslexic scale whenever I do an online survey!! My terrible memory and slow witt makes me anxious often in social situations. The constant social hammering results in low self esteem and eventually depression. I stand up for myself but eventually submit as I get worn down. Is there anyone else who can relate to this? If so how did you improve? My solution to the problem is to start my own business where I work alone and work a lot less as I am financially secure and do not need to chase money to survive, atleast not for a while. During my time off I can work on being happy alone by taking advantage of my freedom. Looking forward to feedback.

Does anyone feel like me

replies: 6

This is the first time I’ve been on a forum, I have had anxiety for a long time , I see a Phycologist and have had other help, nothing seems to work for me . My anxiety and fear is mostly based around thinking bad things are going to happen to my kids when they aren’t around me. Right at this moment I’m struggling as I can’t deal with the fear and anxiety I have each time , I don’t want to live like this anymore but no it’s selfish to suicide , I’m struggling right now and fighting in my head what to do . I’ve got a great Phycologist but I don’t think the work we do helps , my fears are different than the norm . I have no one to talk to and no one that cares so a network of people is not what I have . I feel like a failure as I don’t want to live like this but haven’t killed myself yet . I need real help but I dint think people understand the fears and stuff I have in my head . Can anyone relate , I don’t think time helps as I’ve been like this for many years but now I don’t want to feel like it anymore.

Anxiety and Depression- new job

replies: 4

Where do I begin? I'm a mess. I feel like I have no control over my life anymore. I suffer from anxiety, mainly social anxiety and sometimes I get super depressed to the point of suicide thoughts. I've never seld harmed but I just think about me dying and such. I worked as an SSO (student support officer) within a primary school, working 1:1 with some of the kids. I loved this job as I felt like I made a difference, like if I stayed home from work, that kid would feel the effects. It basically gave me a great reason to get out of bed in the morning. Well, end of this year comes and my contract is up. This is because the work isnt there for me (tiny school, heaps of kids leaving = no work for me). Now I feel lost. Been looking for new SSO jobs but there are none. Which sucks big time. I managed to get a job at a glass cutting factory (which I wasnt exactly keen about but at this point money is money) but the management never told me if I'd be getting paid or if I was on a trial, never spoke about my hours and never gave me an induction. To top it off they knew I was inexperienced in this field (told them in the interview) and on the day they were very rude about it. But I tried and soldiered on anyway - I was super anxious and didnt think I could get through it on the day and I did. So after the 1 day I left and said i wasnt coming back. Only because of what I mentioned. Which is stupid i guess. So now I dont know what to do, I'm stressing, so is my wife. We are trying to buy a house and now we cannot. I feel sick and have had some suicidal thoughts as i feel like I've messed everything up because I am unemployed and looking for a job and not being able to buy is my dumb fault. I dont really know what the point of this post is. Help, tips, guidance. I dont known...whatever else. And now I'm super anxious about getting a new job.

Back to the bad thoughts again.

replies: 3

I dont know what to do,write,or say. Its 3 am and just spoke to my cousin again. I feel like I burdon her with my lifes pro lems but shes the only one I can cry too. I dont want to deal with life anymore. After 2 deaths,being assulted during a road rage incident,loss of my job,and already recovered from anxiety and depression all this year Ive had enough. I find myself researching methods. I know Im not the only person in this world with issues but I know everyone deals with it differently, I just dont know how Im going to cope anymore. I never in my wildest dreams thought of doing what Im doing now but I took the advice I was givin and went with it. I dont know what I want,I dont feel like there is any point of me being here anymore. 1 less cranky old bastard for the world to deal with. My wife and kids would be better off,less for them to feed or concern themselves of. No more worries.

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

replies: 16

Hi everyone, Will try keep it short. I need ideas from others who manage depression long term about dealing with feeling fobbed off by your doctor when they expect you to be ok. Perhaps you can share what has worked for you? I have depression (and thoughts of suicide I refuse to act on) but no matter what I do they just keep on coming back. People in my life expect me to be ok. My psychiatrist keeps telling me I'm doing ok. He knows I am able to keep myself safe and that I will just keep on trying. But I'm not alright. My husband can see it too. He says I'm slowly returning to acting how I was when I was at my lowest. He's angry that I keep returning from the doctor without help. He says I perform beautifully in public and that I'm not letting the psych see the truth. But I'm not hiding it. I've been blunt as with the doc. Gotten angry even. I've told him at home I just sleep, binge eat and stare off into space then realise it's been hours. That I refuse to act on thoughts until my kids are grown but I keep having them anyway. It feels like my doc has had enough of me or thinks I'm a hypochondriac. But starting all over again with a new doc is too overwhelming. I know deep down I will not cope starting again. Any ideas are very much welcome. Nat

The 11th hour

replies: 13

34 f , single mother, 4yo daughter, recent breakup after 7years together, he's the father of my daughter, he left me and was immediately dating someone else (single mother with 3 kids, recently single after long term relationship as well) he is so happy and I am barely functioning, have no family or friends to support me through this, am considering ending it all, the pain is too much to bear, am confident daughter will be looked after and my existence is a burden if anything. just want to stop thinking and feeling, every moment of existence is torture.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Left worse after asking for help replies: 8

safety plan for pet replies: 14

The Fine Line replies: 6

My wife is threatening self harm, and I am part of the reason why replies: 2

Not fitting in replies: 4

Does anyone feel like me replies: 6

Anxiety and Depression- new job replies: 4

Back to the bad thoughts again. replies: 3

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!? replies: 16

The 11th hour replies: 13