Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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So lost about 3 months now

replies: 32

Felling so..... I don't even know, had a bad 12 months , the last 3 i have had panic attacks i self-harm i get completely drunk every night i feel worse everyday now things that I thought were the only things keeping me going, the things that got me up every morning, i am finding them annoying and hard to deal with and just cant be bothered with anything anymore even the things I thought throughout the last few months despite my mood would never change but they have, what do I have left. Don't wanna hear anymore ur not urself go to a gp we all have problems

I feel really guilty and horrible.

replies: 2

I've been having intrusive thoughts about myself that I'd rather not disclose, and it's just alot. I feel so guilty even though I haven't done anything wrong. I feel like I don't deserve happiness, or to be alive. I wouldn't kill myself because I don't want to hurt the people who love me, and I'm afraid of death even though I just want this horrible feeling to be over. This particular thought has lasted for about 2ish weeks, and I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. I'm sick.

Trudging Along - Passive Suicidal Ideations, even after evaluation

replies: 5

I have been struggling for a few years now, but over the past year i have developed depression and anxiety. Been seeing a therapist and talking to my GP. Over the past 6 months I have been experiencing passive suicidal ideations. Passive suicidal ideations being me not wanting to live but not wanting to take action. They have been progressively becoming more severe. I struggle with symmetry and cleansliness ocd, and i have certain schemas that cause me to always focus on the past and future, and how my decisions will affect my oppourtunities. I always overthink every decision, i also focus on the bad parts of every situation, which can me feel bad even when things are going okay overall. There do seem to good times but when i am in a bad headspace or something the feelings are so strong. You may be wondering what i mean in the title by "even after evaluation". By this, i mean i have hope and expectations for a better future, but I dont think its worth getting to. Its not uncommon for me to think 'The things i want to experience in life are not worth the things i have to experience to get there'. In this situation, i am so glad I overthink decisions and fear missing out on oppourtunites, as it keeps me from taking action. But while i dont take action, the feelings i have are so strongly that i dont want to live. Even with me not wanting to take action, i recently walked to a highway and stood there for 10 minutes thinking about if i should lie down on the road. As a final note, i believe i have no real intentions of taking action.i just dont know how to deal with the things in daily life that make me feel this way.

I don't want to live anymore

replies: 30

I have given up. There's no reason to live. There's no joy. There's nothing

I can't exist in the world the way it is and It's getting worse

replies: 5

I can't exist in the world the way it is and It's getting worse. I loved freedom and I live in a time where the government wants to ruin your life if you continue to smoke and doesn't know how to mind it's own business, I loved smoking and 3 years on I dream about it every night. I have PSD and I can't sleep without a baseball bat under my pillow which is illegal to do now. I have fibromyalgia as well. Australia feels like a overcrowded concentration camp to me. I have untreated pain that I can't bear. I don't think it's fair that I'm forced to live In a Country that disgusts me. Counselling can't help me anymore and everything I loved in the world is gone leaving me empty a feeling nothing but resentment. I need help to be put to rest.

I am desperate

replies: 2

I don’t know where to go to express the way I’m feeling, I have struggled with my depression since I can remember. to cut a long story short, I am a mum of 3 babies 3 years and under, in a happy marriage, with plenty of support, but lots of trauma from the past and a stack of history with my mental health. I am at a point now where I feel like it hurts to live, I am dying inside. The suicidal thoughts are non stop, I am scared of myself some days, I know how I can be quite irrational and when I get into a bad episode, I lose all of my self control and i go absolutely nuts. My kids are my only reason that I wake up and carry on. But I’m so tired, I just want to close my eyes and not wake up. I’m scared of the act of actually killing myself, I’m scared of what comes after, I just want to not think about it and just die. But then I think about my babies and the people I love and I know it would destroy lives around me. It’s just hurting me everyday to breathe. To live with a heavy aching heart. I hate myself

1 step forwards. 2 back. Health, guilt and self harm

replies: 4

Hi everyone. I am pretty new here. Just looking for a bit of support as I feel I can’t turn to my family and friends. Growing up, from an early age, I strangely had a lot of friends die through cancer or other illness. I had an eating disorder for most of my early 20’s. Then a benign health condition that I have had for years (which was incorrectly diagnosed as panic attacks, but ended up with me fainting regularly and having a procedure on my heart) left me with anxiety and depression like I have never felt in my life. To be honest it’s not I even that bad of a condition to have in the scheme of things (fainting is not normal) + it’s actually quite common. But my family/friends never really seemed to care. I was told nothing was wrong and to get over it so many times. It took doctors over 10 years to diagnose. I have heard of other people having the same condition and getting diagnosed straight away. And even have seen family members of people I know with the same (untreated) condition get so freaked out and worried and cry, which worries me because I feel like it must be really bad. This has led to me freaking out over everyone’s health. If someone mentions something I wrong - particularly with their heart I go into full panic mode. I feel so anxious I could throw up. My legs feel like jelly and I can’t focus on anything but that. And I become convinced that someone is going to die. I spend so much time lying awake thinking about how I wish I could trade places with that person and bear so that they don’t have to. I wish so hard that I could make it better for them but I can’t and end up taking it out on myself through self harm. I feel so guilty that my health condition was treated when others aren’t, either through choice or because they can’t I have recurring nightmares. I don’t understand why I am still here when others aren’t. This was almost 3 years ago that it all started and I feel like I just can’t move on. Especially when I get drunk (which is very rare!) I start getting urges to self harm and panic like crazy. My poor husband has been so amazing but I feel like he can’t take me like this forever. I have been seeing a psychologist which is helping. I am on medication (but am backing off it as we are wanting to have a family), and I have been trying to meditate and journal every day. Some days I feel amazing but sometimes it is 1 step forwards and 2 back like today. any advice or help would be amazing. Does it ever end/get better?

The irony of it all

replies: 4

Things haven't been too good for along time so I did what my wife has patiently urged me to do and went to my GP who very kindly made time for me. She was concerned that suicide was a risk and phoned threw to Emergency, was also going to phone an ambulance but my wife assured her she would get me to Emergency safe and sound so the ambulance wouldn't be needlessly tied up with me. Can't fault my doctor or my wonderful wife. Unfortunately things at Emergency were not ideal, long wait but I can understand that but there opinion was at complete odds which my doctor, I was made to feel like I was just after attention and sympathy [what I really wanted was definitely not attention, I wanted to be alone but wifey wasn't going to let that happen] so the upshot was I would not be admitted and was sent home, now here is the irony part, from what I understand, just say hypothetically if my wife had found me trying to make good on my wishes, and remember I'm not after sympathy so I wouldn't want anyone interfering or carting me off, but say my wife called 000, my understanding is as I am now a threat to myself I would be forcibly taken and admitted and not able to discharge myself, so in 1 day I could be refused entry into the ward and later that same day forced into the very same ward unable to get out, makes you think, makes you laugh, could even make you cry. Such is the way of being a damaged person in a system that doesn't know what to do with you and can't help because nothing can help anyway

Feeling the need to share my thoughts

replies: 2

Hello, I've never reached out to anyone before and I don't really know where to start so I'll just go straight into it. I'm preoccupied by death. I'm not sure why this is. I see life moving so fast; like a treadmill that you can't step off and it gets faster and faster. Suppose you take birds-eye view of the planet; I see humans going about their business, most of them having kids that grow up to have more kids. Commuting to work. Eating food. Then death occurs. I suppose these thoughts make me nihilistic. I don't believe in anything in particular in terms of after death. Definitely not organised religion. Maybe nothing happens when we die. I do find it odd that life would occur at all if there was no purpose to it, though. Occasionally my mind wanders to ways I could end my life. It is these kind of thoughts that are worrying me. Having shared that, I do get enjoyment out of life. I have a great family and friends, I exercise, before covid I travelled a lot, I am lucky to amazing love in my life, and I have a career that I enjoy. These things distract me from my bleak thoughts. However, loved ones in my life dying seems to inordinately preoccupy me. I am 31 and I think these thought have been occurring off and on for about 5 years. The frequency is increasing. I'm not sure what else and it is really difficult to put my thoughts into words. Both in terms of not feeling like I've accurately conveyed my emotions, and finding it very embarrassing. Thanks for reading.

Borderline Personality Disorder and a medical/mental health system that keeps letting us down

replies: 2

My niece has BPD. She has been trying to get help since February. The first referral was lost....she waited 8 months to hear back from them. Yes, she tried call them during that time and there was no one in the office. Possibly due to Covid, she thought maybe they're not working at the moment. When she finally got through 8 months later, they had lost her referral. Actually, they said they never received it, which she knows isn't true, because she had discussed over the phone with her and said the psychiatrist had the information about it on his desk!! She then called another GP, got another referral to a different psyciatrist. They were going to get back to her. She's heard nothing for weeks. Two weeks ago she was taken to hospital by ambulance because she wanted to kill herself. The H.O.P.E. team (post suicide attempt assistance) are supposed to be helping her.....they're 'going' to call her back. What is it....they wait until she kills herself before they attempt to do anything. I really angry. She is suffering, her 3 young children are suffering and the rest of our family are suffering. What the hell is going on? In this day and age, with Beyond Blue and all the other mental health organisations we have, and people donating money left, right and centre to help with the fight against mental illness, what is going on. Not good enough. I could be wrong, but aren't the statistics saying the suicide rate is going up....not down.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

So lost about 3 months now replies: 32

I feel really guilty and horrible. replies: 2

Trudging Along - Passive Suicidal Ideations, even after evaluation replies: 5

I don't want to live anymore replies: 30

I can't exist in the world the way it is and It's getting worse replies: 5

I am desperate replies: 2

1 step forwards. 2 back. Health, guilt and self harm replies: 4

The irony of it all replies: 4

Feeling the need to share my thoughts replies: 2

Borderline Personality Disorder and a medical/mental health system that keeps letting us down replies: 2