When it's not healthy to compare the pair!

[Petra]

I believe I cope reasonably well with my anxiety. I have compiled a fabulous mental health tool box over time, full of all sorts of stuff to help me keep balanced and pull it out on any sign of the wobbles. There is one thing that sneaks up on me though, and quickly, and unexpectedly, which can bring me down with a thud .... comparing. I don't spend too much time via media celebrity watching for this reason, have never been big on it, wasn't close enough to home to warrant my attention but a snippet of it, or just seeing others sometimes is a trigger. Once on the 'comparing' track I start with the self loathing eg I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.... and worse....my husband can do better than me! I know.... (head lowered here).... how much he truly loves me, and would be horrified if I shared this thought with him. Sorry....that's why I'm sharing it with you! This intrusive thinking is downright annoying and unhealthy. This is one bump in my otherwise smooth journey at the moment. I'm seeing a psych soon and this will be one of my opening lines....but just wondering if anyone else has thoughts on 'comparing oneself to others'?

Pet 😊

[Petra]

Me again Mary!

I see the psychologist towards the end of this month. Still time not to start worrying about it!

😊

[Petra]

Hi Paul

Compliments are always welcome. Thank you!

Yes....I'm a recovering perfectionist. I gave perfectionism up because I wasn't any good at it! My workmates may beg to differ but I have relaxed a great deal since the early days. My mum still tells the story today that as a child I came home from school one day, distraught, as I explained I'd failed my spelling test. I got one word wrong out of 20! It didn't get any better for some decades later. Having children of my own slowly eroded away the need to be perfect all the time! I just couldn't keep it up! I've learnt that with certain things near enough is good enough.

I've heard about the A types. I don't have the energy for that. Too exhausting. Hope you can help your friends out.

Pet 😊

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Pet,

Thanks for your kind words. I guess in some ways I'm quite lucky that logic is my go-to. It's helped me out of a few pickles.

I picked up plenty of positives in what you had to say. I'm glad you're managing to not get involved in drama (I can't stand drama). And I'm glad that you can brainstorm after the "anxiety dust settles". I wouldn't say anxiety in itself is a great thing, but it isn't all bad. I think that, like pain or any unpleasant sensation, it is there to serve a purpose. To tell us something has to change, and to motivate us to do it. Sometimes anxiety or depression (the latter being my cross to bear) can be a tad counterproductive to that end, but I try and focus on the reasons for it being there, taking the lessons from how it happened in the first place, and use my knowledge to find the way out. Not as easy as it sounds, admittedly, but logical creature that I am, I've had to learn that I'm stuck with my emotions, and they can be used as a tool in practical decision making and action.

Blue.

[Petra]

Hi Blue

Spot on my logical friend! I'm glad you said it. I know so too. I'm 'keeping it real' for me a lot better these past years. I was delusional about not needing help in previous years. Thinking I could go it pretty much alone. I could've done it much, much better looking back. Anyhow, what's done is done. Now I'm seeking advice and help, taking meds, accepting that anxiety is a part of me, how I'm wired, and it's my responsibility to manage it like all the other things that make me, me!

Doing the personality test is another piece in my puzzle. Thank you for bringing it to the attention of us all.

Thanks for your logic Blue. Love and appreciate ya smarts!

Pet 😊

[White_Rose]

Hello Petra

Good to know you are feeling good. Your "recovering perfectionist" has struck a chord with quite few people.

Hindsight is of course 20/20. Doesn't stop it being irritating. I think I am about par with you on acceptance. Fighting, denial, anger, withdrawal, all these have been me. However during this week a number of things have happened to make me see myself in a different light. Still working it out but I believe I am more at peace with myself and the world. Of course I am stressing about how long it will last, but not as full on as it has been in the past. Perhaps, as my sister used to say, "There's a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not the light of an oncoming train". I do like that.

It seems to me that once one thing starts going right lots of other things follow. I suppose it's the other side of things going wrong. And because of this I am able to look at myself without the usual loathing. I am so content at the moment.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hey Pet 🙂

I see that Bluguru (Blues Clues) and Mary have been sharing their 'smarts'...Since I am on a continual learning curve I always value what support they provide.

I keep reading about having a 'roast'. I wish! 🙂 Let me check my calendar.....hmmm...last roast circa early '90's

I can landscape a yard (garden) do the handyman tasks...do dog rescue....clean a house better than most girls I know....but a roast is just too complicated....:-)

Paulxx

[Petra]

You go girl! I'm so very pleased for you Mary. That's fantastic news. Yes......enjoy. Perhaps don't spend too much time thinking about why you feel so good! Just enjoy this time. Bask in the glory. Are you going to do something you haven't done for a long time? Finish a project, or start a new one? I usually find when the 'stars are aligned' (disclaimer: this is a metaphor I often use folks so please don't over think on me here, not that there's anything wrong with believing in the stars etc, etc) I can finish things or attempt things I found overwhelming and difficult, for no real reason at all.

I do believe I know what you mean when you say when things are good, other good things seem to follow, however unfortunately it appears the same happens with the bad things. Sometimes it can feel there's more of the latter. A lot of people would agree. There's a lot of beliefs as to why. The bottom line is no one knows why. S*** happens but it's our job to manage it and ourselves when it does.

Self-loathing sucks. Keep that sucker away from your door. 😳 If it comes a knockin'....give me a shout! I'll be there in a flash! We could always let Paul's Prince off the leash and watch self-loathing run! Hee, hee! There's always a way! Just got to find which one works for you.

Pet 😊 xx

[Petra]

Hi Mr Woof,

You are a clever critter by the sounds! Look at all the fabulous things you can do! You're an asset. You deserve a roast. The fur children would love you for it. The smell of a roast filling the whole house, for hours. You don't have to make a big one you know. Start small. Any left overs make a great lunch the next day. You are roast worthy my friend! 😊

I love cooking. I haven't done much of it at all for some several months. My husband has had to step in. Very much a sign that 'somethings not right' with me. This is why I like to prepare food in the BB cafe! I love Xmas. I barely got through Xmas last year. Another unhealthy sign. That's why I enjoyed the Xmas in July in the BB Cafe so much. Last night I cooked! A sign that something is coming right for me at last. There have been other signs of me, returning to me too. I'm looking at upgrading my media software. I've neglected all that for 5 years now. Sure, I was busy caring for my aging in laws in recent years but I haven't needed to do that anywhere near the same intensity for 18 months now. I'm not going to over analyse at this time but there's certainly a noticeable difference in me at home and at work. I like being around me at the moment, and I'm not so foreign to myself and those close to me.

Keep up the good work my friend.

Pet 😊

xx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Petra, it pleases me to see you did some cooking. I really identified with what you said about not cooking being a bad sign. I've done far too little of it in recent years myself, though I love cooking too. I've been doing more recently though, partly due to budget constraints admittedly, and partly due to being in the right frame of mind again. Maybe Christmas in July and the companionship of the crew here gave you a bit of inspiration? Obviously something is going right for you, I hope you can build on it.

Paul, roasts aren't really that complicated. Dr Google will help you out with what to do. 🙂

Blue.​

[Petra]

Hi Blue

Correct! I absolutely believe all you folk and BB have helped me in my recovery. I can't thank everyone enough. Reading, writing and sharing has been priceless towards the shift in my mood. I'm definitely going to build on it. Feeling okay about my anxiety more. Accepting it's a part of me. Here to stay but like anything else, something that needs to be cared for.

I'm pleased to be on the receiving end of your logic.

Pet 😊 xx