When it's not healthy to compare the pair!

[Petra]

I believe I cope reasonably well with my anxiety. I have compiled a fabulous mental health tool box over time, full of all sorts of stuff to help me keep balanced and pull it out on any sign of the wobbles. There is one thing that sneaks up on me though, and quickly, and unexpectedly, which can bring me down with a thud .... comparing. I don't spend too much time via media celebrity watching for this reason, have never been big on it, wasn't close enough to home to warrant my attention but a snippet of it, or just seeing others sometimes is a trigger. Once on the 'comparing' track I start with the self loathing eg I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.... and worse....my husband can do better than me! I know.... (head lowered here).... how much he truly loves me, and would be horrified if I shared this thought with him. Sorry....that's why I'm sharing it with you! This intrusive thinking is downright annoying and unhealthy. This is one bump in my otherwise smooth journey at the moment. I'm seeing a psych soon and this will be one of my opening lines....but just wondering if anyone else has thoughts on 'comparing oneself to others'?

Pet 😊

[Petra]

Hi Mary

I hope you haven’t missed my humour too much?! I’m checking in after so much time. A bit rude I know. I had to step back a bit. Hubby needed a great deal of support. We’re on track now. Hope we can chat soon. Petra

[White_Rose]

Hello Petra

Great to see you back and lovely that your husband is much better, I presume. I understand Sherie has left the forum.

Are you still comparing yourself to others? I know this is one of my habits and the worst part is that I don't realise I do it until I am well into it. Such a fruitless activity. Of course there are those who do somethings better than me and I also do better then others in some areas.

Just at the moment I am comparing my home with others. At the moment it's messy with piles of papers, magazines etc just lying around. I tell myself I will clear up later but the days turn into weeks and they are still there growing bigger. No one else I know does this. I am especially annoyed with myself because this is not my usual way of managing. I hate leaving things lying around around.

I was talking to my second daughter yesterday about her children putting their clothes away after being washed. I had to laugh because she was describing what her son did and I reminded her this is what she did. Oh the joys of being a grandma.

It's really nice to hear you feel good and thoughts have been tamed. What have you been up to apart from caring for your husband? I have to say this year has been very hard for me due to circumstances I had no control over, Much of that stuff is done and dusted but there are a couple of issues outstanding. I have not been active here much. More an on/off time for a while. Still things are getting better.

What do you do at Christmas? We usually have a family gathering which is being hosted by #2 daughter this year. I no longer give adults presents. They already have everything that opens and shuts. The grandchildren are different, well at least until they are 21. So my family plus daughter's in-laws. About 30 people she says. I do find so many people overwhelming but I find myself a spot in the shade and chat to those near me. Eventually I have spoken to everyone there. We hold these events in the garden to let the children around and they can drop all the crumbs they like. The birds have a good feed afterwards.

Mary

[Petra]

Hi Mary, great to hear from you. Pleased to hear you’re doing okay hope those outstanding issues clear up for you sooner than later.

Thanks for the heads-up re Sherie. Hope she found some peace.

This past year has flown by. The magnolia we planted before Xmas last year, and which I dedicated to B.B. (B.B. tree) flowered on Xmas day. We paid a pretty penny for this tree only to find out it was root bound, and may die from transfer shock. Not as dramatic, but I was feeling a bit that way myself this time last year! Tree isstill going strong, a little taller, and now has 4 flowers on it. As for me, pretty much feeling the same way. Hubby retired last year. It needed to be done. Something had to give. He has PTSD and a myriad of other issues, which did impact my health too. Things improved slowly and slightly. It’s taken 12 months. It’s never going to be perfect but there’s an agreed midpoint, and we work on meeting back there should we lose it! Basically, the improvement is that we’re not out of balance for long or often these days. We are working towards our retirement. I’m still working. We’re still renovating. We have small goals, over years.

Anyhow, I work with purpose, we are hobby farmers with purpose, and devoted to family. These take up all our time, and keeps us well.

Xmas starts in November for us. Family get together and put up the tree. It’s always a good time. Xmas Eve is our family get together, and it’s alwsys here at home. We do the food but all the adult kids help prepare it, and the table. It’s a lot of fun also.

Like you, I won’t be hanging out a lot here. I enjoyed my time on B.B. Helped me immensely. It served it’s purpose but needed to move on.

All the best to you sweet. Wish we could keep in touch on a less public forum!

Petra. 💕