When it's not healthy to compare the pair!

[Petra]

I believe I cope reasonably well with my anxiety. I have compiled a fabulous mental health tool box over time, full of all sorts of stuff to help me keep balanced and pull it out on any sign of the wobbles. There is one thing that sneaks up on me though, and quickly, and unexpectedly, which can bring me down with a thud .... comparing. I don't spend too much time via media celebrity watching for this reason, have never been big on it, wasn't close enough to home to warrant my attention but a snippet of it, or just seeing others sometimes is a trigger. Once on the 'comparing' track I start with the self loathing eg I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.... and worse....my husband can do better than me! I know.... (head lowered here).... how much he truly loves me, and would be horrified if I shared this thought with him. Sorry....that's why I'm sharing it with you! This intrusive thinking is downright annoying and unhealthy. This is one bump in my otherwise smooth journey at the moment. I'm seeing a psych soon and this will be one of my opening lines....but just wondering if anyone else has thoughts on 'comparing oneself to others'?

Pet 😊

[Petra]

Hi Melissa

Yes welcome to my 'comparing oneself to all and sundry' thread. Not feeling good enough is a drag and unhealthy for us in the immediate and in the long run. Best to nip this one in the bud. Really heavy to carry around with us day in and day out. You know it doesn't feel good, nor that it's right. After all, that's why you landed here in my thread. A very good start. See, you're making moves to change this very thing you feel and know not to be unhealthy for you. Well done sweet. Because you are aware, have you already some methods in dealing with 'not feeling good enough'? Would you like to share them with us? Are you working with a professional, say a GP or psych, or going it alone?

There's so much to the old saying that 'it's never too late to make a start'. I've made some clangers in my past which have left me feeling pretty ordinary and unworthy at times, and not good enough going forward. However, I did what I did, I am what I am, and from day-to-day all I ask of myself is to be the best me I can, for me. You are worthy Melissa. You can give yourself permission to like yourself. Your happiness and health is not dependant on others' opinions of you.

Pleased to meet you sweet. Here to help where I can, where we can.

Pet 😊

[Petra]

Hi Blue, thank you for posting here.

Looking at things logically and dissecting is a skill that can assist one in 'keeping things real'. I'm quite good at it these days with logic and clarity kicking in mostly after tripping on the emotion of it all!

I admire your ability to change what you consider needs changing eg your weight. Well done. I bet this is just one example of your achievements with things us humans find hard to change for ourselves. Sounds like you do well in overcoming adversity too. In the past, I feel like I've been my own 'bushfire' at times ie cresting my own weather, and then diligently went on my way to fix. Nowadays I don't get involved in drama.

I had a feral week at work. Feral being an understatement. I thought I was handling it well. Last night I had anxiety sickness. Not my usual level where I wear our the carpet but bad enough for me to accept I've more to do in caring for myself anxiety wise. However, there is an upside. Once my anxiety dust starts to settle, I'm brainstorming strategies and methods to improve certain things and processes to minimise the risk of 'feral' at work. Another question to ask my psych..... is there an upside to anxiety?.....at what level is it okay, if any level at all? Apologies if this is a bit deep here. Perhaps the answer is easy and I just don't get it!

Thanks again Blue, you are cool. Pleased you dropped in and sorry you stuffed up your grocery budget resulting in the raid of your other half's cupboard for toilet paper! I had a giggle. I think we've all run out of that very thing at some time or another!

Pet 😊

[Petra]

Hi Mary

Im not sure what the MBTI personality traits is? A thread, a quiz? Is it recommended?

Im a fan of the RD! Inhale it very quickly on receipt, tapping my fingers until the next one arrives. I see I can join RD online. I may well do that. Husband tells me it's to get me ready for the online version and the cessation of the printed mag. I like technology and read iBooks but like the RD in paper form for some reason.

Your grandson is an apprentice chef?! My daughter is a qualified chef. Gave it up to work in cooking retail. She soon got tired of the split shifts and the fickle patrons. Don't tell grandson that though. It's better he finishes his apprenticeship. Daughter still dabbles in the cooking arena with cooking and cheese making classes. She told someone once that I was her inspiration. Wow! I like to cook but was never that good! I cooked for necessity when the children were around! I'll accept the compliment of course!

Anyhow, always good chatting with you.

Speak soon lovely Rose.

Pet 😊

[White_Rose]

Hello Petra

Take our Personality Test and get a 'freakishly accurate' description of who you are and why you do things the way you do. That's what the blurb says about MBTI. This the Myer Briggs Type Indicators. Myer and Briggs were the originators of this test for personalities. You can look this up for yourself on https://www.16personalities.com/ It's a free test and the results are interesting. I am ENFJ. Rather an exclusive group I understand. (smile). It tells you really what you already know about yourself. It shouldn't be taken as the definitive description of yourself as many people share the same group of attributes. There are 16 personality types described but while we may fit into one of them there is a wide variation within each group. And many people fit in down the line on most aspects.

I did this many years ago and only remembered it when Blue's Clues started her thread. Of course I could not remember what I was and I could not find my description, so I redid the test. I think it's a pretty accurate description of me but even with other ENFJ people we would not all think and act alike. You will find Blue's thread on the BB Social Zone.

I subscribed to RD for many years but kept forgetting to renew my subscription and getting reminder letters so I stopped getting it. Now I read it in doctors' waiting rooms. Come to think of it, I never see it in the dentist's waiting room. Surely Laughter is the Best Medicine applies to them as well.

I like to listen to eBooks and often choose to get a talking book version of whichever book has been set by my book club. Not so keen on reading on a computer screen. So I have a large library of books which are gorgeous to handle as well as read.

My grandson can cook steak far better than I can so I make it his job on steak nights. One day he will cotton on he could save himself the effort if he taught me how to do this. Or maybe I should initiate this as he will be looking for his own abode soon I imagine (hope?). Then who will cook my steak?

Mary

[Petra]

Hi Mary

Enjoyed reading your post once again!

I know what you mean about the steak. I prefer others cook mine. Seems to taste better!

I did that personality test. Too accurate for words. I was gob smacked for a bit.

Hope you are well.

Pet 😊

[White_Rose]

Thanks Pet

I saw your result on Blues thread. INFP -A/-T. Another small but perfectly formed group. I too was surprised at the accuracy but as I said, we really know who we are otherwise the q'naire responses would be invalid. Now every time you have a negative thought about yourself you can remind yourself of all the wonderful traits you possess and give yourself a pat on the back. How do you do that? I can't reach back that far.

Any meal cooked by someone else tastes better, especially when you do not have to wash up. My grandson is very good with this. When he is home for a meal he always goes straight to the kitchen and does the dishes afterwards. I must remember to tell his mom what a good boy he is.

Well I got up early this morning to do some research on the net and instead found myself posting to various people. I am going to have a huge day so I think I should start by getting dressed.

Enjoy your day.

Mary

[Petra]

Hi Mary

I was a bit spooked at first with the test results, I must say! Thank you for telling me about it. Although scary at first, I did feel a bit more 'ok' after. Still not entirely sure why. I might revisit the site and have a good read. I'll 'yoga' on it!!

Pat myself on the back? I can just reach I think! I'll give it a go!

We like having our adult children visit, makes for a great catch up. We usually have a roast of some description with veg and gravy!

Hope you survived your huge day.

Pet 😊

[White_Rose]

Hello Pet

Yes I have survived. Nearly changed my mind about joining the meditation group this evening but in the end I went. I find meditation so good for me. When the family arrive for a meal I usually cook a roast. It's something I do not get a chance to eat often and is so easy to cook because all the hard work is done early.

Somewhere on this thread I am certain you said you had an appointment with either a psychologist or psychiatrist. So assuming I have not totally lost the plot when is your appointment and with whom? I think you had a bit of a wait to see him/her.

Have you decided what you want to talk about? Or has writing on BB given you all the answers? I think we charge a little less than psychs but no Medicare refund.

I have a whole day clear tomorrow. What am I going to do. Well after my cleaning lady has been a friend is dropping round to see which of my CDs he can borrow for his next music appreciation morning at the retirement home. I need to sort out some fabrics for a friend to make jam jar tops out of, go and visit another friend...Maybe it isn't really a free day after all.

So how is the comparison stuff going? Has this thread been of use or helped you in any way? I hope so. Great reading your posts.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hey Pet 🙂

I just wanted to give you a compliment for a simple 2 words you have said a few posts above....

"Recovering perfectionist"

I have never seen those two words together. You are a champ:-) I have been trying to help some of my friends that arent on the forums know that a type 'A' personality (the worst one a person can have) is nothing to proud of as they only have so far to fall by setting their goals so high.

Sometimes we have to be simple...the more the better!

Nice1 Pet 🙂

Paulxx

[Petra]

Hi Mary

Oh I look forward to the day I can rummage through the fabrics I've inherited to make cool things with. It'll come. Sigh.

My day will be spent at work. I love my job. Seriously. It ticks a lot of boxes for me, suits me to a 't'. The downside is that I love my job! If I'm to believe the results of the personality test, then my being so passionate about my job and other makes obvious sense to me! A lightbulb moment was had after reading those results!

In relation to my comparing thingy..... I can't say I've suffered with much of it since my original post here. I do have a habit of struggling through an issue and then seeking help for it towards the end or after the event! Certainly after posting and receiving such helpful replies seemed to remove it from my focus. It could also be that the meds have kicked in (some six weeks now) and work is soooooooo busy, there's not much room for thoughts of any other kind. Anyhow, thank you for asking. BB has helped in that area, and the replies from my unqualified expert BB friends has been priceless! Ta.

Have a great day Mary. xx

😊