What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

[quirkywords]

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Quirky and all hi ☺

Sorry long time for reply I've been riding the rollercoaster lately so while I'm hopefully finishing the ride thought I'd jump off 😨arghhh

Thanks you made a very valid point re starting a MH support group needing professional help so I'm doing it a different way, slowly rounding up some that have said about loneliness that I too intermittently feel if I haven't seen friends for periods (changing that thanks to here making more of an effort in the good head space or ringing more often) so hand picking a few to occasionally spend time with, two particularly just wanna put my wings around and can be there to listen and be their friend. Called one and she's so happy for the friendship so I'll be sure to continue.

Also want you to know there's several things you amongst many others here I've learnt from and one ages ago was you saying to Grandy about being happy she didn't feel anger and why, you spoke so gently and from your heart, it helped me too ☺ There's many qualities I admire in you including how you respond and speak to people here and encourage conversation with good questions. You have good leadership skills with a kind gentle heart 🤗 if you're a hugger, if not ⚘special delivery

Haven't caught up yet

Thank you

Hope your days are at least better good people 🕊

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Demonblaster, thanks for your kind words, took me by surprise. I think so many people here including you, have so many compassionate qualities . This is what makes this forum such a wonderful caring place.

I think the way you reach out to people here despite how you re feeling.

I think if you are honest with your friends, that will help with your group.

Loneliness is something that is so powerful and something that people feel that they are the only ones.

I thinkbeing honest with ourselves issomething I keep working on.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

I remember reading somewhere that if you want your children to lie, insist they always tell the truth?

I wonder how others interpret this and it has often intrigued and confused me.

understand that there are times we want our children to not be brutally honest .

Any thoughts?

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Hey Quirky

I don't have kids but from being a kid and observation I think (slightly off track here) kids rebel and go hard in teenage yrs apart from hormonal activity is as children we're constantly told what to do which has to be to learn and be taught so I think don't know though that's possibly the reason it's been said.

On honesty I certainly don't like upsetting or hurting people but at times I shoot something out and then think oops could have said that better.

Some people are honest in the above way and don't care about feelings, at least you know where you stand but... I think most things can be said to people if it's said in a respectful way

I find it easier being honest not that I'm brutal most of the time and over the yrs although I stand my dig if I have to and do prefer to say if it's bad enough but to my detriment I let a lot slide which eats at me. Sigh ☺

I too try to be honest with myself which although I'm getting there with building low self esteem (in good head space that is) with a way to go though it still is hard but I think we need to look at our faults as well as our goods

Thanks hun ☺ for your words and advice you amongst many here I am listening to and taking on board when the heads in gear 😆 yes re the group I said to them it's good for me too although I do intermittently see friends or stay over or them here.

I will say though I'd lie in a flash to save my life and White lies as opposed to someone being hurt when it's not necessary to but if I don't want to say something to a direct personal for example question I say I won't say rather than lie.

Agree Liz tact is kindness but often even with tact people only hear the bad and react accordingly. Shame

Love that hubby understood and how you said it would have made it easier all round re flowers ☺

Hope your days are good peeps 🤗 for whoever wants a good hug

[demonblaster]

Sorry easy to see I'm mzking up for lost time chatting 😄

More in reply to people not caring.

• I admire their self confidence. But not that they don't care though

We all know well I hope we all do lol how ut is starting a new job that I've done numerous times and did agency work nursing after I trained as an Enrolled nurse (EN) where daily you didn't have a clue about the patients where things were the routine etc and you feel a bit dipsy to say the least.

I commented to a chook co worker who was notorious for talking down to people and upsetting them and said ya feel like an idiot being new to which she replied "that's because you are" . I'm very sensitive and usually if people are openly aggressive let's go but I burst out laughing and said I love that humour..oh you are joking aren't you 😅 She was nasty like that and didn't care but I liked her a lot just not that.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Greetings DB,

I wonder if your feel that your co worker thought she was being honest and not funny.

I feel that people often say I was just being honest, but they are really being insensitive. To me she was not being honest . maybe funny, but she was giving her opinion.

I liked your response of laughing and I now think, when someone says something hurtful, it just their opinion.

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Hey Quirky and all ☺

I think she was being a cow but I have a friend that has a sense of humour along those lines kind of so she didn't faze me but I'll never understand how people can be so nasty and not give a hoot. We ended up fairly close ish, I've been around with jobs and people and that place due to the boss I butted heads with often through his arrogance was like working in jail, hard people. But made a couple of life friends. 24 hr truck & bus place.

Good on you getting to that point of their opinion, I live for the day it doesn't hurt especially when you're not hurting or not intentionally.

For so called intelligent beings we're pretty basic, we're poor at communication honesty and can't figure out that our speck of life here would be so much easier if we got along. I do hold hope for us and think very slowwwwly we're getting there and like to think 75% are good

☺

[quirkywords]

Greetings to everyone reading,

Thanks Db ,

I think we all try our hardest to communicate and be honest but are sometimes misinterpreted.

I wonder what people think of the saying

If you want your children to lie, insist they tell the truth.

Any comments.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

If you want your children to lie, insist they tell the truth.

I disagree totally. Children must be taught to tell the truth. This is done by

• example How can you expect them to value honesty if you lie!!!
• gentle correction Pointing out the importance of telling the truth when they lie.

It is also important to realize children's perceptions of truth is different to ours.Imagination & imaginative play is essential for children to develop their understanding of the world beyond the concrete here & now. Without imagination they can't dream or plan for the future or think about things beyond their own experience. This means honesty & truth can be distorted. Santa, Easter bunny, keeping secrets, telling stories, are important fun parts of childhood but are not true. My grandson is often telling me things he has done & then after a while will laugh & say' I tricked you' While technically he is telling lies the motive is about having fun using his imagination. Over time they learn to distinguish when it is appropriate to use their imagination in telling stories & playing & when to tell the truth.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Thanks Elizabeth for your well though out reply.

I thought the quote was commenting on definitions that has been explored on the thread.

As you say children have great imaginations and often have invisible friends, make up adventures and worlds. If an adult demands they tell the truth, by saying you don't have an invisible friend, there are no unicorns, that will confuse the child .

I know people who were affected when finding out their parents did not tell them the truth about Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc. A friend asked her parents what else they had lied about.

Of course it is part of our culture , but it is an example of adults not being totally honest with their children.

Also we tell 'white lies" , parents get embarrassed when a child says in a loud voice how fat someone is, as they see that as a truth. So if the parent says we don't say that out loud as it hurts people's feelings.

So it isn't always black and white. I am just looking at different ways of interpreting the statement, not necessarily my thoughts . I feel there maybe a lot of grey in honesty.

Thanks again for your comments.

Quirky