Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Guest_5432]

Hi Quirky.

I only saw Your thread "Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?" after I had posted to you on blondguys thread -"do you like yourself?"

They both go hand in hand. In the field of Psychology & Psychiatry both use similar techniques to teach a patient of how they view themselves in an honest self analysis way.

I've much to say & teach you on that very topic about liking yourself, how to stop it, so on..

I'm fully aware that BB Forums were designed for many needing support from from each other without Professionals from the Mental Health so I'm limited what I can & can not write.

I'm no longer practicing Psychiatrist/Psychologist.

That's was well over 20 years ago. In the medical field Psychology/Psychiatry the same principles of teaching advising an individual still applies today.

Occassionally, I will use the same techniques on myself when that inner critics surfaces again. It does help.

The BB Forums are virtual so to get extra support it's still best to see an practising Psychologist/ Psychiatrist who's registered with the Australian Medical Board. Each state in Australia is listed under a different name.

Take care & have a peaceful day.

"-the rose, the ole chook"

[Nevergoodenough]

Thank you quirky, I made a few posts possibly a year ago when I was very low and then didn’t look here at BB for ages. It’s hard seeing it like this with the posts because you make the inevitable comparison that here you are more than 12 months down the track and you’re still quite unwell.......and why??????? It’s been more than 4 years with little relief.

Realistically I should probably avoid reading posts on this website because it makes me think about my own situation, with rapidly escalating feelings of shame because I’ve been unable to make any serious progress and further reinforcing my feelings that none of this is ever gonna go away.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Nevergoodenough,

Thanks for reaching out tonight. There is no need to apologise, your words were not interpreted rudely. We always assume the best intentions of one another in this community, so that this is a safe space and you can communicate openly.

We're sorry to hear that reading the posts of others is triggering for you, we would urge you to only engage in a way that you're comfortable with. We understand it can be really frustrating and upsetting to feel that you aren't progressing and to not have found strategies that have worked for you. These experiences of seeking help and not feeling an improvement in your mental health may have discouraged you from doing so again. We always urge people like yourself not to be put off by one or even a couple of negative or unhelpful experiences, as what works is different for everyone and things can always improve with the right treatment and support. If you can, we'd suggest reaching out to one of the supports we mentioned who can hopefully get you on the road to recovery: Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), and if you ever find yourself in immediate danger, please contact 000 (triple zero).

Please feel free to reach out here whenever you feel up to it.

[Nevergoodenough]

Hi Sophie, thanks for your kind words. I wouldn’t say that reading other people‘s posts is particularly triggering in itself but it’s extremely difficult for me scrolling through other posts and reading about different treatment options and exercises, courses like DBT, ACT to help with mental strength because basically I’ve tried them all unsuccessfully. I’ve had ect, tms, trialled more than 30 meds and 5 hospital stays of a month or more, 200 hours psychiatric talk therapy etc etc.... so no one can say I haven’t tried. My psychiatrist is very frustrated too as I’ve had very little response to meds over these past years and accordingly categorises my illness as severely treatment resistant mdd.

The Voice just taunts me that I’ll never get better and it’s my fault too......it’s pretty hard to see any upside from that. It’s also pretty hard to disagree with The Voice in view of what has happened.

Thanks for your suggestion about lifeline and the suicide watch phone numbers, I’ll put them into my phone and think about calling next time on feeling really low.

[quirkywords]

Thanks Nevergoodenough for letting us know how you are.

I understand how you have tried a lot of strategies and how you are reaching out. I think I give my inner critic power when I feel I have made a mistake or hurt a loved one. We are human we re allowed to make mistakes.

Have you ever written to your inner critic?

Sounds silly but it did help me realise when my inner critic was at its loudest.

Your writing here so personally and honesty has helped others reading it , to know they are not alone. That is a very valuable thing you are doing.

[blondguy]

Hi Quirky...and a wave to Nevergoodenough and Sophie_M

In a possibly awkward yet helpful way I find the term 'Inner Critic' too 'self judgemental' to use where my own recovery from depression/anxiety is concerned

Just where my own well being is concerned....I dont have an 'inner critic' as it has a feeling of permanence to it

Of course everyone is an individual....yet I have found that having a GP or Counsellor to frequently talk to can take so much weight off our shoulders and provide us with some peace of mind

Hi Nevergoodenough....I have just read your post and you are stronger than you think.....Our brain can be a pain sometimes..and finding peace is difficult for sure...This is my 38th year with depression and chronic anxiety attacks..ugh! I find you a strong person because you have determination....even by posting on these forums takes huge strength and good on you! I have a relative that has refused counselling for a few decades and wont post on the forums as she doesnt have your strength because she is too proud...My relative doesnt understand that pride is a poor substitute for intelligence....I really hope you can stick around the forums as you are more than good enough..my best to you!

anyhow....just having a cuppa and doing my best to provide support...Excuse I for the long post Quirky..oops!

my kind thoughts

Paul

[broken568]

Thanx for the idea Quirky... I’m going to try writing to my inner critic. She’s a real b!$&h sometimes...

[quirkywords]

Paul when I started this thread some time ago I felt a need to talk about the inner critic. Beyond Blue also has a section on inner critic.

I suppose I feel it clearly defines what it describes. Of course some people may not like the word critic but for me that wouldn't be honest if I didn't use the word critic.

I am glad you don't use the words but for many like me acknowledging we sometimes are criticial of our selves helps us tame our critic. The second half of the title so for me it shows we can control our negative thoughts or share ideas to. So for me it does not imply permanence ,

Thanks for your input Paul which is always appreciated.

[Nevergoodenough]

High quirky,

I wish it was just some of the time that my negative inner voice gave me a hard time. Unfortunately it’s mostly all the time loud in my head except for bits of the time when I’m at the gym, concentrating with colouring or when I’m diving and under the water ( but only once a month). The problem is I get no incremental improvements after having 1-2 better days, my brain just resets to the same hideous place and it’s as though the better days never happened.

I wish it wasn’t there at all but I cant deny it’s most always there. Probably powered in part by my blender brain....soooo difficult to slow down or ignore the despicable content that makes me feel disgusting for having the thoughts in the first place.

[Balance]

Hi everybody,

The term I use is "unhelpful thinking style". When those unhelpful thoughts come up,

I notice how they make me feel ... I then stop and take a breath.

After that I choose to think of all the good things I have already done in the day, even the smallest

thing. I pat myself on my back for having done them ... and you will surprise yourself

at how many good things you will have done already. Posting on BB deserves a HUGE pat on your back.

Next step ... be grateful for even the littlest thing in your day so far ... and then those feelings

take over from worrying.

You can't be grateful and worry at the same time - try.

Have a really good Thursday ... and be full of praise for yourself all day.

Warm regards

B