Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Nevergoodenough]

Thanks Balance,

I think it’s amazing that you have such discipline and positivity inside you. I’m envious in the nicest of ways. I would love to learn how to change the way that I think but it’s very difficult when a fundamental part of my personality has a very strong negative schema. I’ve been enduring it all my life.

[Balance]

Hello Always Good Enough!

Often life changes when we let go of an ... "enduring thinking pattern you describe as having had all your life".

You can outgrow the thinking pattern just like a T-Shirt which lost it's shape.

When you get up tomorrow you could "update" the picture you have of yourself from "a part of your personality

having a very strong negative schema" to "I am Complete"... just like that!!!

Everything starts with one single thought.

Tomorrow is a new day, yesterday has NO POWER OVER YOU.

Look forward to tomorrow, because tomorrow will bring change.

With my best wishes

B

[quirkywords]

Nevergoodenough

self croticism asks

are you good enough

self compassion asks

wjhats good for you?

Could you try just once what is good for you instead of those voices saying you are not good enough.

Is it good for you to have aa strong negatove schema?

what would be good, replacing it with a more positive one.

I know it hard as I have felt the same and struggle to be positive about myself.

There are supportive people here willing to help you.

Take one step at a time.

[quirkywords]

Goodenough as I believe you are,

How are you going? feel free to post if you like.

I hope everyone is tring to control their inner critic and be gnetle amd kind to yourself.

I know this is a cliche now but if we treat ourselves lik we do a friend, we would not be so critical and we would feel comfortable with ourselves.

[Guest_5432]

Hi Everyone & hope you're all keeping well as can be

Try to keep positive as difficult as it may be with your inner critic. You're a worthy person/persons though inner critic says otherwise.

Enjoy your day & take care. The Rose

[quirkywords]

Hello all. Thanks the rose.

some people are to used being positive after years if others making them feel un worthy.

it is so hard to change old habits but worth all the effort,

[Nevergoodenough]

thanks quirky, realistically I don’t really know how to be kind to myself because I’ve always felt substandard, defective and shameful. I wasn’t sexually abused or anything really reprehensible and had a white middle class background but I never felt loved or protected.....as kids we were expected to be seen and not heard.

Unfortunately I have a phenomenal long-term memory and so I have an enormous list in my head of what I see as good and bad going back nearly 50 years....things that most people would forget, but I remember every bad thing....being bullied, made fun of, being physically scared, having no friends, feeling alone and alienated etc etc. So my bad list is huge and I blame myself for almost all of it...(if you hadn’t done this you *** this would not have happened) and like the butterfly effect I often scale it outwards to imagine a very different life... without depression, anxiety, AvPD etc.

The Voice constantly reminds me what a loser I am and presents all the evidence from the bad list and I don’t really have the evidence to counter these arguments. You mentioned a bit negative schemas but this is not something that I choose. It’s just another part of me that I absolutely despise because of my horrible negative outlook on everything. I don’t scan the contents of my head if someone has said something and think to myself what’s the most unpleasant thing that I can say in this circumstance. It’s not something that I choose, it is part of my dna and I really really HATE it and myself for being this way.

I have spent so many years in therapy of different types, following the medicalised route with piles of medication, ect and tms, numerous hospitalisations but none of this has helped me accept or even barely tolerate myself. The Voice will never let me.

I have really squandered my life and I cant have another go. I have to accept this is my life but I cant forget my past. I can’t destroy my family’s life because they are all I have and I love them so much. 

[Guest_5432]

Hi Quirky.

Any change to be made whatever in life requires hard ongoing self disciplined work.

Your inner critic is extremely hard ongoing work to reverse it to a positive. It's a Big fight against the inner critic voice. You CAN do it. Don't give in no matter what or who ever throws any sarcastic words at you. taming your inner critic CAN be done.

It requires a lot of self discipline to keep telling yourself "I'm a worthy person"

It never came natural to me. It took years of self discipline with hard work on my part. Those negative inner voices is our enemy & we're at war to win with positive affirmations about ourselves.

Regards the Rose

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Thanks never good enough and the rose for your thoughts,

Nevergoodenough I wonder do ever have even a few minutes in the day when you are thankful for things like your family, many peopl reading your post will have pasts they want to forget,

Maya Angelou 'I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.'

the rise, I am pleased that self discipline worked for you, Everyone is different and tries to find a way to tame their inner critic,

self doubt is something most people live with ,

big wave to anyone reading fir first time, Comments welcome all the time,

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky..

I like the quote you wrote here...

Maya Angelou....l 'I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.'

Nevergoodenough....Like you my past has a voice that constantly talk to me and reminds me of how weak I was..and all the bad I went through...I though the same..My voice will never leave me...and it still hasn’t..I’m learning to accept I done my best in the past..because if I could have done better back in my past I would have..

Its only now..that years have past..that my inner critic is bombarding with its voice to pick on me about my weaknesses...back while all my crap was happening, inner critic said nothing to me it was quiet...That’s because at the time I was doing my best..I think as time goes past, and our thoughts or triggers take us back into our past..we start doing ourselves..Why?...because we have grown, learnt new things, new ways we could have managed the situation of our past better...That when our inner comes with its loud voice causing us to feel bad about ourselves...

It hard to do Nevergoodenough...To accept we done our best at that time..but you, me, everyone did..and we need to tell our inner critics that we are good enough, we did our best..we’ve learnt from the past and we all are the best person we can be..back in the past and now in the present...Tomorrow isn’t here yet..when it comes along.,we will do the best we can..

Kind thoughts, and caring hugs..

Grandy....